Feeling like a bit of a loser is a deeply human experience, regardless of gender.
However, for men, it’s extra tough, and their response to these feelings can be pretty intense. The way they act when failure is weighing on them is usually a result of societal expectations, personal securities, or the desire to regain control. Either way, it doesn’t help them to feel any better. Whether it’s happening to you or someone you care about, here are just some of the things men tend to do when they feel like they’re not up to snuff.
1. They withdraw from loved ones.
When men feel like a failure, one of the most common reactions is to isolate themselves. They might distance themselves from friends, family, or partners to avoid feelings of shame or embarrassment. Pulling away from the people in their lives can be an attempt to protect everyone from their perceived shortcomings. Offering gentle support and space can help them reconnect when they’re ready.
2. They become overly critical of themselves.
Self-criticism can go into overdrive when men feel unsuccessful. They may replay their mistakes, dwell on what went wrong, or convince themselves that they’re not good enough. Having such a harsh inner dialogue can be paralysing. Encouraging them to reframe their thoughts and recognise their strengths can help break the cycle.
3. They focus obsessively on work.
Some men pour all their energy into their careers when they feel like a failure in other areas of life. By doubling down on work, they hope to regain a sense of purpose or competence. While productivity can be positive, their obsession can lead to burnout. Reminding them of balance and worth outside of their job is crucial.
4. They engage in risky or impulsive behaviours.
Feelings of failure can push men towards behaviours that provide temporary relief, such as gambling, excessive drinking, or making impulsive decisions. These actions offer a short-lived sense of control or escape but can lead to deeper problems. Helping them find healthier ways to cope can prevent long-term consequences.
5. They avoid talking about their feelings.
Many men feel pressure to appear strong and stoic, making it difficult for them to express vulnerability. When they feel like a failure, they may bottle up their emotions to avoid seeming weak. Encouraging open, non-judgmental conversations can help them feel safe enough to share what’s really going on.
6. They become irritable or angry.
Frustration from feeling inadequate can sometimes manifest as irritability or anger. Men may lash out over minor issues because the root cause of their distress remains unaddressed. Patience and understanding can help diffuse these reactions, while encouraging healthier outlets for frustration, such as exercise or hobbies.
7. They stop taking care of themselves.
Neglecting physical health is another sign that a man may feel like a failure. It might include poor hygiene, skipping workouts, or ignoring medical issues. Their self-worth can be so low that they don’t see the point in self-care. Encouraging small, manageable steps towards looking after themselves can help rebuild confidence.
8. They compare themselves to other people.
Feelings of failure can be amplified by constant comparisons to peers, colleagues, or even strangers online. Men might focus on other people’s successes and feel inadequate by comparison. Gently reminding them that everyone’s journey is unique and highlighting their own achievements can help shift this mindset.
9. They lose interest in hobbies and passions.
When a man feels like a failure, the activities that once brought him joy may seem pointless. He might abandon hobbies or passions because they no longer provide the same satisfaction. Reintroducing these activities gradually and without pressure can help reignite that sense of fulfilment.
10. They apologise excessively.
Constantly saying “sorry” can be a sign that a man feels inadequate or like he’s letting everyone down. All that over-apologising is usually rooted in a belief that he’s always in the wrong. Offering reassurance and acknowledging his efforts can help him regain confidence and reduce their need to apologise.
11. They struggle with decision-making.
When men feel like failures, their confidence in making decisions can falter. They may become indecisive, second-guessing even simple choices. The hesitation comes from a fear of making another mistake. Supporting them with encouragement and reminding them that it’s okay to take risks can help rebuild their confidence.
12. They try to overcompensate.
In an effort to mask feelings of failure, some men go to extremes to prove their worth. This could be through excessive spending, exaggerated storytelling, or trying to achieve impossible goals. Recognising these behaviours and reassuring them that they don’t need to prove themselves can help them feel more grounded.
13. They avoid challenges altogether.
To protect themselves from further failure, some men avoid challenges or new opportunities. They might stick to what feels safe and familiar, even if it limits their potential. Encouraging them to take small, manageable risks and celebrating their efforts can help them build the courage to step outside their comfort zone.
14. They experience sleep problems.
Feelings of failure can lead to racing thoughts and restless nights. Men may struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep due to worries about their perceived shortcomings. Encouraging healthy sleep habits, relaxation techniques, or going to therapy can improve their quality of rest and overall well-being.
15. They seek validation from external sources.
When self-worth takes a hit, men may chase approval or validation from other people to feel better. That could mean fishing for compliments, needing constant reassurance, or relying heavily on praise. Helping them develop a stronger sense of self-worth and inner validation can reduce their need for external approval.
16. They question their purpose or identity.
Feelings of failure can trigger an identity crisis, making men question who they are and what they stand for. They may feel lost or unsure of their purpose. Gentle conversations about their values, strengths, and past achievements can help them reconnect with their sense of identity and purpose.
