Most narcissists pride themselves on their ability to make their victims doubt themselves.
Their methods can be subtle or obvious, but the goal is always the same: to manipulate and control. These mind games are designed to break down your confidence and leave you questioning what’s real — it’s incredibly toxic and messed up. If you’ve ever felt like you’re going crazy in a relationship, it’s probably because your narcissist partner is trying to make you feel that way by doing these things.
1. They gaslight you constantly.
Gaslighting is a narcissist’s favourite weapon. They’ll deny things you know happened, twist events, and make you question your memory. Phrases like, “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things,” are common. Over time, you start doubting your own mind, which is exactly what they want.
2. They twist your words against you.
No matter how carefully you express yourself, narcissists have a way of turning your words into something else entirely. You might say, “I need some space,” and they’ll spin it into, “You don’t love me anymore.” Their ability to distort conversations can leave you feeling confused and defensive.
3. They lie with a straight face.
Narcissists lie boldly and convincingly, even when the truth is obvious. Their confidence can make you question your own judgment. You might think, “Maybe I misunderstood?” or “Could I be wrong?” All that constant second-guessing destroys your confidence in your own perception.
4. They use the silent treatment to punish you.
When you express feelings or confront them, a narcissist might suddenly go silent. They’ll withhold communication and affection, making you feel abandoned or crazy for wanting resolution. This tactic leaves you scrambling to fix things, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
5. They play the victim.
Whenever you point out their hurtful behaviour, they flip the script and make themselves the victim. They might say, “I can’t believe you’d treat me like this!” Suddenly, you’re apologising even though *they* caused the problem. It’s a mind-bending way to avoid accountability.
6. They accuse you of being the narcissist.
Projection is a classic move. If you call them out on their behaviour, they might accuse *you* of being selfish, controlling, or manipulative. The irony can be infuriating, and the accusation can make you doubt your own character. It’s a clever way to deflect blame.
7. They change the story mid-conversation.
Source: Unsplash Just when you think you’re making progress, they change the narrative. They’ll bring up irrelevant details, shift blame, or deny what they said earlier. Doing this keeps you off balance and prevents any resolution. You end up feeling dizzy from all the mental gymnastics.
8. They dismiss your feelings as overreactions.
Source: Unsplash When you share your emotions, a narcissist might say, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion.” Their dismissal invalidates your feelings and makes you question whether you’re being reasonable. It’s a way to shut you down and avoid accountability.
9. They compare you to other people (and not in a nice way).
Narcissists love to keep you feeling insecure. They might say things like, “Why can’t you be more like so-and-so?” These comparisons chip away at your self-esteem, making you feel like you’re not good enough. It keeps you striving for their approval, even when it’s unattainable.
10. They isolate you from friends and family.
By criticising your loved ones or making you feel guilty for spending time with them, narcissists cut you off from your support system. Without outside perspectives, you become more dependent on the narcissist. Isolating you makes their manipulation even more effective.
11. They shift blame onto you.
No matter what happens, somehow, it’s always your fault. They’ll say things like, “You made me do this,” or “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.” The constant blame makes you question your role in every argument, even when they’re clearly in the wrong.
12. They keep moving the goalposts.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are experts at changing expectations. What was acceptable yesterday suddenly isn’t good enough today. No matter how hard you try, it feels like you’re always falling short. Such inconsistency keeps you chasing approval that’s forever out of reach.
13. They invalidate your reality.
Source: Unsplash When you express your experience, they respond with, “That’s not how it happened,” or “You’re imagining things.” By invalidating your reality, they make you doubt your own perception. Over time, it feels like you can’t trust your own mind, which gives them more control.
14. They alternate between praise and criticism.
Source: Unsplash One moment, you’re the best thing that ever happened to them; the next, you’re the worst. The rollercoaster of approval and disapproval keeps you on edge, desperate for their praise. The inconsistency is confusing and makes you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
15. They downplay your achievements.
If you accomplish something great, a narcissist will find a way to diminish it. They might say, “It’s not a big deal,” or “Anyone could have done that.” By minimising your success, they keep you feeling small. This prevents you from building confidence outside of their validation.
16. They constantly question your judgment.
Source: Unsplash “Are you sure that’s what you want?” or “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Narcissists love to make you doubt your decisions. By slowly destroying your confidence, they make you rely on their opinions instead. The subtle undermining can leave you feeling helpless and insecure.
