Everyone says the wrong thing sometimes, but we should have enough self-awareness to recognise when we’ve messed up and not repeat it.
However, some people seem to have a special talent for coming off as dismissive, condescending, and even downright rude when talking to other people. You don’t need to be a trained psychologist to know how to talk to people with care, consideration, and empathy. However, if you say these things regularly, your emotional intelligence levels are pretty much non-existent.
1. “Calm down.”
Telling someone to “calm down” rarely helps the situation. In fact, it usually has the opposite effect. It comes across as dismissive, like their feelings don’t matter, or they’re being irrational. A better way to approach it would be, “I can see you’re upset — what’s going on?” Showing that you understand their feelings creates a space for open communication and makes them feel heard.
2. “It could be worse.”
While it might come from a place of wanting to help, saying “it could be worse” tends to minimise someone’s feelings. Comparing their situation to something worse can make them feel guilty for even being upset. Instead, try acknowledging their pain with something like, “That sounds really tough.” Let them feel their emotions without trying to rank their struggles.
3. “You’re way too sensitive.”
This invalidates their emotions and suggests that they’re wrong for feeling the way they do. Everyone reacts differently to situations, and their feelings are valid. A more empathetic response would be, “I didn’t realise that upset you. Let’s talk about it.” It shows that you’re willing to understand their perspective and open up a space for deeper conversation.
4. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if you’ve been through a similar situation, you can’t truly know exactly how someone feels. It can come off as self-centred or like you’re trying to overshadow their experience. Instead, say something like, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through — do you want to talk about it?” This gives them the opportunity to share their emotions without feeling like you’re making it about you.
5. “Just get over it.”
This makes it sound like their feelings are inconvenient or unnecessary. It’s not about just “getting over it” — it’s about giving them the time and space to process. A more supportive response would be, “Take your time. I’m here if you want to talk or need anything.” It shows patience and understanding, which can help them feel supported through their emotions.
6. “You’re overthinking it.”
When someone opens up about their worries, telling them they’re overthinking can shut down the conversation. Instead of invalidating their concerns, try something like, “I get why you’re thinking about it so much. Want to talk it through?” This shows that you’re willing to listen and helps them work through their thoughts in a productive way.
7. “That’s nothing to cry about.”
Crying is a natural response to stress, sadness, or frustration. Saying this makes the person feel like their emotions aren’t valid. Instead, try, “It’s okay to feel upset. Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” Let them know it’s fine to express their emotions without judgement.
8. “Stop being so dramatic.”
When someone is upset, belittling their feelings by calling them “dramatic” only pushes them further away. A better way to show empathy would be, “I can tell this really matters to you. How can I help?” This gives them the space to express themselves while showing support instead of judgement.
9. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
What seems small to you might be a huge deal to them. Telling them that their feelings are exaggerated only makes them feel worse. Instead, try, “I didn’t realise this was such a big deal for you. Let’s talk about it.” Acknowledge their emotions and show that you care, even if it doesn’t seem like a big issue to you.
10. “That’s life.”
While you might be trying to offer perspective, this can feel dismissive. It brushes off their struggles as if they’re insignificant. Instead, try, “I know things are tough right now. Want to talk it out?” It shows you’re there for them and willing to help them through the rough patch.
11. “At least…”
Using “at least” to point out a silver lining when someone is sharing a struggle can feel like you’re minimising their experience. Instead, acknowledge their pain first: “That sounds really hard.” Let them share their feelings without rushing to fix things or spin it in a positive light.
12. “Why are you upset over that?”
This question implies that their feelings are somehow unjustified or unreasonable. Instead, approach it with curiosity: “What about this is upsetting you?” This invites them to explain their feelings and helps you understand their perspective better.
13. “Don’t take it personally.”
If something hurts, it feels personal. Telling someone not to take it personally dismisses their hurt feelings. Instead, try, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but let’s talk about it.” Acknowledging their feelings and showing a willingness to work through it can prevent the situation from escalating.
14. “It’s not a big deal.”
Saying this minimises what’s important to them, making it sound like their feelings are unimportant. A better response would be, “I can see this is important to you. How can I help?” Recognising the significance of their emotions, no matter how big or small, makes them feel valued.
15. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Offering reassurance without understanding the situation can come off as dismissive. Instead, say, “I understand why you’re worried. Do you want to talk about it?” Sometimes, just having someone listen can be more comforting than a quick reassurance.
16. “Everyone feels that way sometimes.”
While you may be trying to comfort them by saying they’re not alone, this can make their feelings seem trivial. A more thoughtful response would be, “I’m here for you — tell me what you’re feeling.” Focus on their experience, and make them feel like their emotions are being acknowledged, not brushed off.
