Arguments happen in every relationship, but if you don’t know how to fight fair, they can end in disaster.
The last thing you want to do is say something in the heat of the moment that you don’t mean and that you can’t take back. These sentences, for instance, might seem harmless at the time, but in the long run, they can seriously eat away at your connection and damage your relationship beyond repair. If you want to keep your partnership strong, leave these toxic phrases out of your disagreements.
1. “You always do this.”
This is a one-way ticket to defensiveness. Using absolutes like “always” makes the other person feel like their actions are never good enough. It also ignores any progress or effort they’ve made. Instead of exaggerating, try focusing on the specific issue at hand. Generalisations only make things worse.
2. “I’m done.”
Throwing out ultimatums in the middle of an argument is like dropping a grenade on the conversation. Even if you don’t mean it, saying “I’m done” can plant seeds of doubt and insecurity. It makes the other person feel like the relationship is hanging by a thread, which isn’t fair to either of you.
3. “You’re just like your [parent/ex/etc.].”
Comparing your partner to someone they struggle with or who’s hurt them in the past is a low blow. It’s hurtful, and it often has nothing to do with the argument. Instead of making unfair comparisons, focus on your partner’s actual behaviour and how it’s affecting you.
4. “Whatever.”
“Whatever” might seem like a harmless word, but in arguments, it’s dismissive and shuts down communication. It tells the other person you don’t care and that the conversation isn’t worth continuing. Nothing good comes from making someone feel unheard or unimportant.
5. “You’re too sensitive.”
Invalidating someone’s feelings is a guaranteed way to build resentment. When you say this, you’re dismissing their emotions instead of addressing the issue. Everyone’s feelings are valid, even if you don’t understand them. Try listening instead of dismissing—they’ll appreciate it more than you know.
6. “Calm down.”
Telling someone to “calm down” during an argument is like pouring fuel on a fire. It rarely works and usually makes things worse. It invalidates their emotions and makes them feel like they’re being irrational. A better approach? Give them space to express their feelings without judgement.
7. “You’re overreacting.”
Even if you think the reaction is too big, saying this belittles their feelings and creates distance. It sends the message that their emotions aren’t justified, which can lead to deeper frustration. Instead of judging their reaction, try asking why they feel so strongly.
8. “I don’t care.”
These three words can cut deeper than you think. Even if you’re frustrated, saying “I don’t care” makes your partner feel rejected and unimportant. It shuts down the possibility of resolving the argument and leaves lasting hurt. If you’re too angry to care at the moment, take a breather instead.
9. “It’s your fault.”
Blame-shifting rarely solves anything. When you point fingers, the other person gets defensive, and the conversation stalls. Instead of assigning blame, focus on how both of you contributed to the issue and how you can work together to fix it. Accountability is key.
10. “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”
This is one of the most damaging things you can say. Comparing your partner to someone else, whether it’s a friend, colleague, or ex, can create deep insecurity and hurt. It suggests they’re not good enough as they are. Everyone deserves to feel valued for who they are, not compared to anyone else.
11. “I knew this would happen.”
This drips with negativity and makes your partner feel like they’ve let you down (again). It implies that you expect failure from them, which is incredibly demoralising. Instead of anticipating the worst, try focusing on what can be done to make things better.
12. “You never listen.”
Accusing someone of “never” listening shuts down their willingness to try. They might feel like you’ve already decided they’re a lost cause, so why bother? Instead, explain what you need from them in that moment. Saying, “I don’t feel heard right now” can open the door to better communication.
13. “I don’t need you.”
Even if you’re trying to assert your independence, saying this during an argument can be deeply hurtful. It makes your partner question their value in your life. A healthy relationship is built on mutual support, not threats of being unnecessary. Choose words that reflect your frustration, not rejection.
14. “You’re being ridiculous.”
Source: Unsplash This dismisses your partner’s perspective completely. Even if you don’t understand their point of view, calling it ridiculous only escalates things. Respect is essential, even during disagreements. Instead of dismissing them, ask for clarity and try to understand where they’re coming from.
15. “I can’t believe you’re this upset over something so small.”
Source: Unsplash Minimising your partner’s concerns is toxic and invalidating. What seems small to you might be big to them, and that’s okay. A healthier approach is to acknowledge their feelings and ask why the issue matters to them. Validation goes a long way in resolving conflicts.
16. “Fine, do whatever you want.”
Source: Unsplash This passive-aggressive phrase shuts down communication and leaves issues unresolved. It’s a way of giving up on the conversation without actually solving anything. Instead of throwing in the towel, try expressing what you need and how you feel. Even if it’s hard, it’s better than letting resentment fester.
