If you grew up walking on eggshells around your mum or dad, chances are, it’s still affecting you today.
Whether they were intentionally intimidating or abusive, or you simply felt fear for reasons even you don’t understand, it’s still an awful experience. Even if you’ve moved on, the effects can show up in subtle—and not-so-subtle—ways. Here are just a few signs that fear of your parent is still influencing your adult life.
1. You’re always bracing for the worst.
You might catch yourself expecting things to go wrong, even when everything is fine. Growing up in fear means your brain got used to preparing for conflict or punishment. Now, as an adult, that hyper-awareness can linger. Even in safe situations, you might be mentally rehearsing worst-case scenarios or waiting for the other shoe to drop.
2. You struggle with setting boundaries.
If you were taught that saying “no” led to punishment or disapproval, setting boundaries can feel almost impossible now. You might worry that standing up for yourself will make people angry or cause them to abandon you. As a result, you find yourself agreeing to things you don’t want to do, just to avoid potential conflict.
3. You’re hyper-sensitive to criticism.
Even gentle feedback can feel like a personal attack. When you grew up with a parent whose disapproval felt terrifying, your brain learned to associate criticism with danger. Now, when someone points out a mistake, it might trigger a rush of anxiety, shame, or the need to defend yourself—even if it’s just a harmless comment.
4. You have a hard time trusting people.
When the person who was supposed to protect you also made you afraid, trust becomes complicated. You might keep people at arm’s length, expecting them to let you down. Even in close relationships, it can feel risky to rely on other people. Trusting that someone has your back takes time and conscious effort.
5. You second-guess your decisions constantly.
If you grew up being criticised or punished for making the “wrong” choice, decision-making as an adult can feel like a minefield. You might overthink even small decisions, worrying that you’ll mess up or face consequences. Trusting your own judgment feels hard when your early choices were met with fear or disapproval.
6. You’re a people-pleaser.
When keeping your parent happy meant avoiding punishment or emotional fallout, you likely learned to put other people’s needs over your own. Now, you might go out of your way to keep the peace, even at the cost of your own comfort. The thought of disappointing someone might feel unbearable, even if it means ignoring your own limits.
7. You apologise for everything.
Did you grow up saying “sorry” just to avoid getting in trouble? That habit might have followed you into adulthood. You might find yourself apologising for things that aren’t your fault or taking responsibility for other people’s emotions. It’s a survival tactic that worked then, but now it just leaves you feeling drained.
8. You struggle with self-worth.
When you grow up in fear, you might internalise the idea that you’re not good enough. As an adult, this can show up as feeling unworthy of love, success, or happiness. You might dismiss your accomplishments or feel like you have to prove your worth constantly. That critical inner voice is tough to quiet, but it doesn’t reflect your true value.
9. You have a fear of conflict.
Conflict in your childhood might have been scary, unpredictable, or even dangerous. Now, even small disagreements can make your heart race. You might avoid confrontation at all costs, worrying that things will spiral out of control. The idea of standing your ground feels risky, even when it’s necessary.
10. You overthink everything you say.
When you grew up fearing a parent’s reaction, you probably learned to weigh your words carefully. Now, you might find yourself replaying conversations or worrying about how you came across. You might even avoid saying what you really think, just in case someone takes it the wrong way.
11. You seek validation from other people.
Growing up in fear can make you doubt your own worth. As an adult, you might rely on other people’s approval to feel okay about yourself. Compliments and praise feel like lifelines, while criticism feels devastating. It’s like you’re constantly checking to make sure you’re not messing up or being a “bad” person.
12. You struggle to relax.
When your childhood home wasn’t a place where you felt safe to unwind, relaxing as an adult might feel weirdly uncomfortable. Even during downtime, you might feel restless, anxious, or guilty for not doing something “productive.” Your body and mind got used to staying alert, and breaking that habit takes work.
13. You’re incredibly self-critical.
That inner voice telling you you’re not good enough? It probably started with the fear you felt growing up. Now, you might be your own worst critic, holding yourself to impossible standards and beating yourself up over mistakes. It’s like you took over where your parent left off, even though you don’t deserve that kind of harshness.
14. You struggle with intimacy and vulnerability.
Source: Unsplash If opening up to your parent felt unsafe, letting yourself be vulnerable as an adult can be terrifying. You might find it hard to let people in or share your true feelings. Intimacy feels risky when you’ve learned that closeness can come with pain. But recognising this pattern is the first step to building healthier, more connected relationships.
