Growing up feeling less than attractive can be a devastating experience.
Maybe a classmate insulted you at school, and you felt humiliated, or you simply hated that you didn’t look like the women in magazines or on TV that you grew up idolising. Either way, if you always thought that you were ugly — no matter how untrue it was — it sticks with you. While hopefully, you’ve built your self-esteem in the years since then, you might still have certain hangups as a result of that experience.
1. You have a complicated relationship with mirrors.
Your relationship with mirrors is complicated at best. You might find yourself either avoiding them completely or getting stuck in front of them, analysing every detail. These aren’t just quick reflection checks — they’re full-on negotiation sessions with your image. The good news? Recognising that pattern is the first step to developing a healthier relationship with your reflection.
2. You still struggle to accept compliments.
When someone says you look nice, your immediate response is to either dismiss it or explain why they’re wrong. It’s like your brain has a built-in compliment firewall, automatically rejecting any positive input about your appearance. Learning to simply say “thank you” feels like trying to learn a foreign language.
3. You tend to overcompensate in other areas.
You might find yourself working twice as hard to be funny, smart, or successful — because somewhere along the line, you decided you had to make up for not being “the pretty one.” It’s exhausting trying to be exceptional at everything else just to feel worthy of taking up space. Remember, you don’t need to earn your right to exist.
4. You doubt people’s attraction to you.
When someone shows romantic interest, your first thought is to look for their ulterior motive. Surely, they’re either settling or have something wrong with them — because how could anyone genuinely be attracted to you? Breaking this thought pattern takes time, but it starts with understanding that your childhood self’s opinions aren’t facts.
5. You avoid getting your picture taken.
You’ve mastered the art of avoiding photos or always being the one taking them. Group pictures? You’re suddenly very interested in being the photographer. When photos do happen, you’ve got an arsenal of angles and poses you trust, and heaven help anyone who tries to take a candid shot.
6. You constantly compare yourself to other people.
Your brain automatically scans every room you enter, ranking where you fall on the attractiveness scale. It’s exhausting and unnecessary, but it’s such an ingrained habit that it feels like second nature. You’re constantly aware of who’s “prettier” than you, even in situations where looks are completely irrelevant.
7. You get a lot of anxiety about clothing choices.
Clothes shopping isn’t just shopping — it’s an emotional obstacle course. You might buy clothes for the body you think you should have rather than the one you do, or stick to “safe” options that help you hide. The idea of drawing any attention to your appearance, even positive, feels uncomfortable.
8. You downplay your achievements.
Even when you accomplish something significant, there’s a part of you that thinks, “Yeah, but I’m still not attractive.” It’s like your brain has a special filter that diminishes any success through the lens of physical appearance. Your achievements should stand on their own, but that childhood programming is hard to shake.
9. You self-sabotage in relationships.
You might find yourself creating problems in good relationships because you’re waiting for the other person to realise they can do better. It’s a defence mechanism that feels like protection, but it’s really just your insecurities calling the shots. Breaking this cycle starts with accepting that your partner’s feelings are just as valid as yours.
10. You have rather extreme grooming habits.
You might swing between “why bother trying to look good” and spending hours getting ready to leave the house. There’s no middle ground — you’re either giving up entirely or striving for an impossible standard of perfection. Finding a balanced approach to self-care feels like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces.
11. You have a complicated relationship with social media.
Your relationship with social media is complicated. You might obsess over every photo you post, or avoid posting altogether. Scrolling through everyone else’s feeds feels like revisiting every insecurity you’ve ever had. The filters and perfect angles other people manage to find can send you into a spiral of comparison, even when you know it’s not reality.
12. You have issues with physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy comes with an extra layer of anxiety because it involves being seen, really seen. You might find yourself keeping lights off, avoiding certain positions, or staying partially clothed. Building trust with someone enough to be vulnerable takes more work when you’re constantly fighting your own self-image.
13. You often question your professional success.
When good things happen, especially in your career or relationships, there’s always a voice wondering if it’s despite your appearance. Every promotion, every positive interaction comes with a side of wondering if you would have got further if you were more attractive. It’s like running a race with a weighted vest that only you can see.
14. You prefer to blend into the background and go unnoticed.
You might have become so comfortable being “invisible” that standing out in any way feels threatening. Even positive attention can feel uncomfortable because you’ve trained yourself to fly under the radar. The idea of being noticed, even for good reasons, can trigger anxiety because it goes against your survival strategy.
15. You avoid going to the doctor.
Medical appointments get delayed because you don’t want to be looked at or touched. Dental visits, physical exams, or any appointment involving your appearance might get pushed back until absolutely necessary. This protective instinct can actually end up harming your health in the long run.
16. You put off happiness.
There’s always a feeling that you’ll finally be happy when you look different — lose weight, clear your skin, fix your teeth, or whatever your particular focus is. The problem is, this mindset puts your happiness perpetually on hold, waiting for a perfection that either never comes or doesn’t actually bring the satisfaction you expected.
