If you’ve ever noticed someone dropping hints about their struggles without directly asking for help, that’s called “dry begging.”
Source: Unsplash It’s not an innocent practice, either. In reality, it’s a manipulation tactic narcissists love to use to create guilt trips to get what they want, minus the actual request. Instead of just spitting it out, they’ll beat around the bush, throw themselves pity parties, and act as if they’re so hard done by, hoping that you’ll eventually volunteer to do their bidding. It’s not always obvious, either — here are just some of the ways toxic people put this into play.
1. They casually mention money problems.
It starts with offhand comments—an empty fridge post on social media or a sigh about an unpaid bill during casual conversation. But these aren’t random observations; they’re carefully timed. They’ll mention struggles right after you’ve talked about a work bonus or a recent splurge. The trick is in their reaction: practical offers of help, like budgeting tips, get brushed aside, but if someone offers cash, their gratitude is instant and over the top.
2. They turn small talk into a sob story.
Source: Unsplash You thought it was a casual chat over coffee, but somehow, the conversation always ends up circling back to their hardships. They won’t outright ask for help, but their choice of words and exaggerated tales of bad luck make it clear what they want. It’s subtle enough to stay under the radar, but most people find themselves feeling awkwardly compelled to offer something—anything—to lighten the mood.
3. They put their struggles on full display.
Source: Unsplash Ever notice someone who suddenly seems to struggle dramatically with everything when help is nearby? A broken phone becomes a full-scale tragedy, complete with sighs, muttered complaints, and exaggerated frustration—just loud enough for the right person to hear. The moment someone steps in to help, their mood shifts instantly, and before you know it, the “helper” has taken on all the work.
4. They use other people’s generosity as a measuring stick.
Source: Unsplash They’ll casually drop stories about someone else’s grand acts of kindness—how their friend bought them groceries or how a relative gave them a loan. But these aren’t just feel-good tales. They’re designed to plant the idea that you should be doing the same. By presenting these acts as “normal,” they push you to question whether you’re doing enough in the relationship.
5. They create crises during your big moments.
Source: Unsplash Their timing is always suspicious. Just before your birthday, a promotion celebration, or an important family event, they suddenly face an “emergency.” It’s not a coincidence—it’s a calculated way to shift attention back to them. And while they might not directly interrupt your moment, their well-timed crisis leaves you feeling guilty for not focusing on their needs.
6. They drop hints about gifts they’d love.
Instead of asking outright, they weave their wishlist into conversations over months. It might be a passing mention of how their headphones are falling apart or how they’ve always wanted a particular gadget. Over time, they build a narrative so detailed that when you finally gift them the item, it feels like your idea—even though they’ve been planting the seeds all along.
7. They remind you of favours they’ve done for you in the past.
They have an uncanny memory for the things they’ve done for you, no matter how small. A lift they gave you years ago or a minor favour suddenly becomes the reason you “owe” them something much bigger. They bring it up just when they know you’re in a position to help, framing it as a reminder rather than an outright demand.
8. Their emergencies always feel suspiciously well-timed.
Somehow, their crises tend to pop up when they know it’s a bad time for direct requests—like during the holidays or just after they’ve already asked for something else. What’s telling is how selectively they share details, doling out just enough to make you feel worried but leaving out practical information unless help is offered.
9. They use vulnerability as a weapon.
When someone starts setting boundaries or pulling back, they suddenly become vulnerable, sharing just enough personal pain to draw sympathy. They’re skilled at making these revelations feel intimate, like they’re trusting you with something they rarely share. But over time, it becomes clear this isn’t about connection—it’s about making you feel too guilty to walk away.
10. They overshadow other people’s achievements.
Instead of celebrating someone else’s success, they find ways to bring up their own struggles in the same breath. A friend’s promotion is met with a sigh about their career going nowhere. It’s not outright jealousy—it’s about redirecting the spotlight back to them. Their comments are just subtle enough to draw sympathy without making their motives too obvious.
11. They pick the worst possible moments to ask for help.
Holiday seasons, birthdays, or moments of collective joy are their prime opportunities. They hint at their needs during times when you’d feel awful for saying no. It’s not just bad timing—it’s intentional, relying on the emotional pressure of the occasion to nudge you into action.
12. They rotate through their circle of support.
Rather than leaning too heavily on one person, they spread their requests out over different people, carefully timing each approach. By the time they come back to you, enough time has passed that you’ve forgotten the last time they hinted for help. This keeps their behaviour from becoming obvious, ensuring they always have someone to turn to.
13. They curate their struggles online.
Social media becomes their stage for perfectly crafted tales of woe. A single vague post about “hard times” blossoms into a thread of escalating drama, designed to draw in sympathetic comments and offers of help. Practical advice or non-monetary support is usually ignored, but any offers of tangible aid are met with gratitude that seems just a little too rehearsed.
14. They test the waters before dropping hints.
Those innocent-sounding questions about your latest bonus or how your weekend went? They’re not as casual as they seem. These are fact-finding missions, designed to gauge whether you’re in a position to help. Once they know, the hints start flowing, timed perfectly to align with your circumstances.
15. They set emotional traps with gratitude.
Their thank-yous always feel a bit too intense, often accompanied by detailed stories about how much your help meant to them. This isn’t just gratitude—it’s a setup for future requests. By making you feel deeply appreciated, they create an emotional obligation that makes it harder to say no the next time they need something.
16. They position themselves as “just unlucky.”
Source: Pexels Before they even drop a hint, they lay the groundwork by portraying themselves as someone who’s constantly hit by bad luck. They’ll casually mention a string of unfortunate events—things breaking, opportunities falling through, or never “catching a break.” This isn’t just storytelling; it’s carefully designed to make you feel like they deserve help because life has been unfair to them. By the time they start hinting at what they need, you’re already primed to offer support.
