Sometimes, selfishness doesn’t come with a glaring “ME FIRST!” sign — it’s a bit subtler than that.
However, when someone is always looking out for number one and couldn’t care less how everyone else is getting on, it becomes clear pretty quickly. A selfish man might not come out and say he couldn’t care less about anyone else as long as he gets what he wants, but it’ll be obvious because he does these things.
1. He only talks about himself.
Conversations with him feel more like monologues. He’s quick to share his achievements, opinions, and problems, but rarely asks about yours. When he does ask, it’s usually a formality before steering the spotlight back onto himself. True connection is a two-way street, but with him, it’s all about keeping the focus on his life.
2. He dismisses your feelings.
When you express how you feel, he waves it off or makes it seem unimportant. Instead of listening and empathising, he’ll say things like, “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” It shows that he doesn’t value your emotions — unless, of course, they’re about him.
3. He expects praise but gives none.
He loves receiving compliments and recognition for even the smallest things. But when it’s time to praise you, he falls silent or gives half-hearted acknowledgements. His need for constant validation, paired with his inability to give it, shows a one-sided dynamic where his ego always comes first.
4. He never compromises.
In his mind, things should go his way — always. Whether it’s choosing a restaurant, a movie, or holiday plans, he expects you to bend to his preferences. Compromise is a foreign concept because his needs and wants are the only ones that matter. If you give in every time, he’s all too happy to let you.
5. He keeps score.
He constantly reminds you of all the things he’s done for you, no matter how minor. Instead of giving freely, he keeps a mental tally, ready to cash in his “favours” when it suits him. Such a transactional mindset turns the relationship into a competition rather than a partnership.
6. He doesn’t respect your boundaries.
If you set boundaries, he pushes them or ignores them entirely. Whether it’s your need for personal space, time with friends, or how you want to be treated, he acts like your boundaries are inconveniences. Respecting limits isn’t his strong suit because he thinks his desires should come first.
7. He’s always the victim.
No matter what happens, he somehow spins the narrative so he’s the one who’s wronged. He rarely takes responsibility for his actions and instead blames circumstances, other people, or even you. His victim mindset allows him to avoid accountability and keeps the focus on his perceived suffering.
8. He’s never genuinely interested in your life.
He might ask how your day was, but it feels obligatory. He doesn’t dive deeper or follow up with meaningful questions. Your achievements, struggles, and dreams seem to go in one ear and out the other. His lack of interest shows that his attention is reserved for things that benefit or entertain him.
9. He expects you to cater to his needs.
He’s happy for you to support, help, and accommodate him, but the moment you need the same in return, he’s suddenly unavailable. He views your role as someone who should make his life easier. The idea of mutual support isn’t on his radar because he’s focused solely on his comfort.
10. He rarely apologises sincerely.
If he does say “sorry,” it’s usually followed by an excuse or a justification. Instead of acknowledging his mistakes, he tries to deflect blame or minimise what happened. Genuine remorse is rare because he struggles to see beyond his own perspective. His ego doesn’t allow him to admit fault easily.
11. He takes more than he gives.
In the relationship, the scales are always tipped in his favour. He’s quick to receive favours, emotional support, or help, but when it’s time to give back, he’s nowhere to be found. The imbalance leaves you feeling drained and unappreciated, while he continues to take without a second thought.
12. He guilt-trips you.
When he doesn’t get his way, he uses guilt to manipulate you. He might say things like, “After all I’ve done for you” or “I guess you don’t care about me.” These statements are designed to make you feel bad and give in to his demands. It’s a subtle but powerful way to keep you under his control.
13. He interrupts or talks over you.
When you’re speaking, he cuts you off or doesn’t let you finish. Your thoughts and opinions take a back seat to whatever he has to say. His behaviour shows that he values his voice more than yours. Conversations feel less like exchanges and more like battles for airtime.
14. He downplays your successes.
When you achieve something, he brushes it off or makes it seem insignificant. Instead of celebrating with you, he might say, “That’s not a big deal” or “Anyone could do that.” His inability to share in your joy stems from his need to feel superior or avoid feeling overshadowed.
15. He rarely offers emotional support.
When you’re going through a tough time, he’s emotionally unavailable or dismissive. He doesn’t offer comfort, empathy, or a listening ear. His lack of support makes you feel like you’re facing challenges alone. A partner who can’t be there for you emotionally is only thinking of his own comfort.
16. He expects you to change, but he won’t.
He points out your flaws or things you should “work on” but refuses to reflect on his own behaviour. He holds you to a higher standard than he holds himself. Growth and improvement are one-sided in his eyes — you’re expected to adapt, while he remains firmly set in his ways.
17. He lacks empathy for other people.
Pay attention to how he talks about other people’s problems or struggles. If he’s dismissive, judgemental, or indifferent, it’s a sign of his inability to see beyond himself. His lack of empathy for other people often spills into the relationship, leaving you feeling unsupported and misunderstood.
