Trust is the heart of every healthy relationship, but it’s surprisingly easy to start eating way at it without even realising.
The words we use matter, and certain things—whether they’re said out of frustration, insecurity, or habit—can destroy trust faster than you think. If you want your partner to feel safe and secure with you, here are the toxic phrases to avoid and why they’re so damaging.
1. “Why are you being so dramatic?”
Dismissing your partner’s feelings as “dramatic” is a fast track to making them feel invalidated. Even if you don’t understand why they’re upset, brushing it off sends the message that their emotions don’t matter. Instead, try saying, “I can see this is important to you—let’s talk about it.” Validating their feelings strengthens trust and keeps communication open.
2. “You’re just imagining things.”
This phrase is classic gaslighting territory. When you tell someone they’re imagining things, you’re essentially questioning their reality, which can lead to self-doubt. If your partner brings up a concern, even if it seems unfounded to you, listen and explore it together. Trust grows when both people feel heard and respected.
3. “I guess you’re just too sensitive.”
Labelling your partner as “too sensitive” is an easy way to shut down a conversation, but it also shuts down trust. Sensitivity isn’t a flaw—it’s a sign they care deeply. Instead of calling them out, acknowledge their feelings and work together to resolve the issue. This creates an environment where they feel safe expressing themselves.
4. “I didn’t mean it that way, so stop overreacting.”
Intentions matter, but so do impacts. Saying this phrase dismisses your partner’s hurt and shifts the blame onto them for how they feel. A better approach is to say, “I didn’t mean to upset you—can you help me understand how I can do better?” Owning up to your part, even unintentionally, builds trust and shows emotional maturity.
5. “You always/never do [insert behaviour].”
Using absolutes like “always” or “never” puts your partner on the defensive. It paints them as a problem rather than focusing on the actual issue. Instead, try phrasing things like, “Sometimes when this happens, it makes me feel [insert emotion].” Framing concerns this way invites discussion rather than conflict and keeps trust intact.
6. “You’re overthinking it.”
If your partner is prone to overanalysing, this might feel like a direct attack on how their brain works. While it might seem harmless to you, it can make them feel dismissed or judged. A more compassionate response would be, “I can see this is weighing on you—how can I help ease your mind?” Trust thrives when you approach concerns with empathy.
7. “If you really loved me, you’d…”
This is a manipulative guilt trip in disguise. Love isn’t about conditional tests or proving loyalty through specific actions. Instead of using this line, try expressing what you need openly and without pressure. Trust grows when both partners feel they can meet each other’s needs without being coerced or guilted into it.
8. “You’re being ridiculous.”
Telling your partner they’re ridiculous invalidates their perspective and creates unnecessary tension. Even if you disagree with their point of view, brushing it off as silly or unreasonable only drives a wedge between you. A better approach is to say, “I see where you’re coming from—let’s figure this out together.” Respect is key to maintaining trust.
9. “You’re just like your [insert family member].”
Comparing your partner to someone they might have a complicated relationship with—like a parent or sibling—rarely lands well. It feels like an attack on both their identity and their family. Instead, address the specific behaviour without dragging comparisons into it. This avoids unnecessary hurt and keeps the conversation productive.
10. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
This is a trust killer because it creates an immediate wall of defensiveness. In healthy relationships, explaining yourself isn’t about being interrogated—it’s about offering transparency. Instead of shutting down, say, “Here’s what’s going on, and I want you to understand why.” Offering clarity gives trust and avoids misunderstandings.
11. “Why do you care so much about this?”
Minimising what matters to your partner makes them feel unheard and unimportant. Even if you don’t fully understand why something bothers them, acknowledging it shows that you value their perspective. Instead, try asking, “This seems important to you—can you tell me more about why?” Genuine curiosity builds trust and strengthens connection.
12. “It’s not my fault you feel that way.”
Blame-shifting is a classic way to dodge accountability, but it does nothing to solve the problem. Even if you didn’t intend to cause hurt, acknowledging your partner’s feelings is crucial. Saying, “I didn’t realise that upset you—how can we fix this?” keeps the focus on moving forward together.
13. “You’re so lucky I put up with you.”
This might be said jokingly, but it’s loaded with disrespect. It implies your partner is difficult to deal with, which can chip away at their self-esteem and trust in the relationship. A better way to frame frustrations is to say, “I know we have our challenges, but I’m committed to working through them with you.”
14. “Everyone else agrees with me about this.”
Dragging outside opinions into your relationship is a guaranteed way to alienate your partner. It creates a “me vs. you” dynamic instead of a team effort to resolve issues. Focus on your feelings instead, saying, “This is how I see it, and I’d like to hear your perspective.” Keeping the conversation between the two of you maintains trust.
15. “You’ll never change.”
Nothing destroys trust faster than giving up on your partner’s ability to grow. This is dismissive and assumes the worst about them, which can be incredibly hurtful. Instead, encourage progress by saying, “I’ve noticed this has been challenging—how can I support you in making changes?” Believing in each other enforces trust and partnership.
16. “You’re acting crazy.”
Calling someone “crazy” dismisses their emotions and frames them as irrational. It’s an easy way to shut down a conversation, but a guaranteed way to damage trust. Instead of dismissing their feelings, try saying, “I can see you’re upset—let’s talk about what’s going on.” This way, you keep communication open and respectful.
17. “Maybe we should just break up.”
Throwing out the threat of a breakup in the middle of an argument creates insecurity and destabilises trust. Even if it’s said out of frustration, it plants doubt in your partner’s mind about your commitment. If things get heated, take a breather instead of making extreme statements. Saying, “Let’s pause and revisit this when we’re calmer,” shows maturity and respect for the relationship.
