Co-parenting with a narcissist requires mastering a serious balancing act.
They thrive on control and conflict, which can make an already tough situation even harder. While you can’t change their behaviour, you can establish boundaries and strategies to protect your well-being and your child’s. Here are 15 non-negotiables to keep in mind when trying to raise a happy, healthy child with a narcissist. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
1. Keep communication strictly about the children.
Narcissists love to bait you into arguments or make things personal, so stick to discussing the kids and nothing else. Whether it’s schedules, school updates, or medical appointments, keeping communication focused reduces opportunities for conflict. Clear, concise messages leave less room for manipulation.
2. Document everything.
When dealing with a narcissist, it’s essential to keep detailed records of agreements, messages, and interactions. Whether it’s through email, text, or a parenting app, having a paper trail protects you if disputes arise. Documentation also helps you stay organised and feel more in control.
3. Set firm boundaries.
Narcissists will test your limits, so establishing clear boundaries is crucial. Decide what behaviour you won’t tolerate, such as unannounced visits or personal attacks, and enforce these limits consistently. Boundaries show that you’re in control and won’t be swayed by their tactics.
4. Use a neutral tone in all interactions.
Emotions fuel narcissists, so keeping your tone calm and neutral denies them the reaction they’re looking for. Stick to facts, avoid emotional language, and respond only when necessary. This approach helps de-escalate conflicts and protects your peace of mind.
5. Prioritise your child’s well-being above all.
When co-parenting with a narcissist, your child’s emotional and physical health should be your main focus. Create a stable, nurturing environment in your home to counterbalance any negativity they might experience. Your consistency provides the security your child needs to thrive.
6. Avoid engaging in power struggles.
Narcissists love to win, so engaging in arguments or trying to “prove” your point often backfires. Instead, stick to your parenting plan and focus on what’s best for your child. Letting go of the need to win keeps you from getting drawn into unnecessary drama.
7. Use a parenting plan or legal agreement.
A detailed, court-approved parenting plan is your best defence against manipulative behaviour. It outlines custody schedules, responsibilities, and decision-making processes, reducing ambiguity. Having a written agreement ensures accountability and helps resolve disputes more effectively.
8. Keep your emotions out of it.
Narcissists thrive on pushing your buttons, so it’s vital to keep your cool. Vent your frustrations to a trusted friend or therapist instead of reacting to them directly. Staying emotionally detached makes it harder for them to control or manipulate you.
9. Never badmouth them to your child.
Even if the narcissist is difficult, your child still sees them as a parent. Criticising them in front of your child can create confusion and guilt. Instead, focus on being a positive role model and letting your actions speak louder than words.
10. Create a support system for yourself.
Source: Unsplash Co-parenting with a narcissist can be emotionally draining, so surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, having a strong support network helps you stay grounded and resilient. You don’t have to face this alone.
11. Stick to schedules and routines.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often thrive on chaos, but children benefit from consistency. Keeping a predictable routine for pickups, drop-offs, and activities reduces stress for everyone. A stable schedule also limits opportunities for the narcissist to disrupt plans or cause confusion.
12. Don’t take their behaviour personally.
A narcissist’s actions often reflect their own insecurities and need for control—it’s rarely about you. Remind yourself that their behaviour is a reflection of them, not your worth. Detaching emotionally helps you maintain perspective and stay focused on what matters.
13. Teach your child healthy emotional tools.
Your child might struggle with the narcissist’s behaviour, so equip them with tools to express and manage their emotions. Encourage open conversations and validate their feelings, so they feel heard and supported. Teaching resilience helps them navigate the challenges of having a narcissistic parent.
14. Avoid over-explaining your decisions.
Narcissists love to challenge and dissect everything you say, so keep explanations to a minimum. Stick to the facts, make your point clearly, and move on. Over-explaining often gives them more material to twist or manipulate.
15. Focus on the long-term picture.
It’s easy to get caught up in the daily frustrations of co-parenting, but keeping the bigger picture in mind helps you stay grounded. Your ultimate goal is raising a happy, healthy child who feels loved and secure. Focusing on that goal helps you stay resilient, no matter how challenging the situation gets.
