Admitting you’re wrong definitely isn’t easy, and some people will go to great lengths to avoid it.
Whether it’s pride, insecurity, or stubbornness, the inability to own up to a mistake usually comes with a catalogue of excuses and deflections. If you’ve heard these phrases, or even caught yourself using them, it might be a sign of dodging accountability. No one’s right 100% of the time, and the more comfortable we get with owning up to that, the better our relationships will be in general.
1. “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes this can wrap up a healthy debate, but too often it’s used as a way to avoid addressing the issue at hand. Instead of engaging in meaningful dialogue or admitting fault, it’s a way of cutting the conversation short without resolution. While agreeing to disagree might seem peaceful, it often leaves the other person feeling unheard and unsatisfied. Real accountability means leaning into the discomfort instead of sidestepping it.
2. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
At first glance, this sounds like an apology, but it’s not. It shifts focus onto the other person’s feelings rather than acknowledging any wrongdoing. Instead of taking responsibility, it subtly implies that their reaction is the real problem. Genuine apologies address actions, not just the emotional fallout. A better approach would be to say, “I’m sorry for what I did—I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
3. “That’s not what I meant.”
Intent matters, but so does impact. This is often used to excuse careless words or actions by focusing solely on intent, ignoring how it made the other person feel. Misunderstandings happen, but brushing off the consequences of your actions only creates more tension. Taking accountability means acknowledging both your intentions and the unintended effects.
4. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
This is a classic way to dismiss someone’s concerns, making them feel like they’re overreacting. Instead of addressing the issue, it invalidates their feelings and shuts down the conversation. Even if you don’t think something is a big deal, it’s important to understand why it matters to the other person. Listening with empathy can go a long way toward resolving the situation.
5. “That’s just how I am.”
Hiding behind personality as an excuse for harmful behaviour avoids any effort to grow or change. Everyone has quirks, but this implies that reflection or self-improvement isn’t on the table. It sends the message that their comfort is more important than the impact of their actions. True accountability involves a willingness to adapt and take responsibility for your behaviour.
6. “It’s not my fault.”
This shifts all responsibility onto someone or something else, even when they clearly played a role. Refusing to acknowledge your part in a situation keeps conflicts unresolved and creates frustration. Accountability doesn’t mean blaming yourself for everything; it means owning your share of what went wrong and working toward a solution.
7. “I don’t see the problem.”
Not seeing the issue doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. This dismisses the other person’s perspective, forcing them to over-explain why something matters. It’s an easy way to avoid dealing with uncomfortable feelings or consequences. Instead, try asking questions to better understand their point of view—it shows a willingness to engage and learn.
8. “You’re too sensitive.”
Calling someone overly emotional dismisses their feelings entirely. It’s a way to deflect attention from your actions and put the blame on their reaction instead. This response can feel invalidating and often leaves the issue unresolved. A more empathetic approach would be to say, “I didn’t realise that upset you. Let’s talk about it.”
9. “Everyone else does it.”
Pointing to other people’s behaviour as a justification for your own mistakes is a weak defence. It avoids accountability by saying, “If it’s normal, it’s okay.” But relationships aren’t about what everyone else is doing—they’re about how your actions affect the person you’re dealing with. Taking responsibility shows that you care about their feelings, not just fitting in with the crowd.
10. “You’re just trying to start a fight.”
This flips the narrative, making the other person seem like the problem for bringing up an issue. It’s a tactic to avoid the discomfort of accountability by painting yourself as the victim. Instead of shutting down the conversation, try saying, “I don’t want to argue, but I want to understand where you’re coming from.”
11. “I was just joking.”
Humour can be a great way to defuse tension, but claiming hurtful comments were “just a joke” invalidates the other person’s feelings. It implies they’re overreacting rather than acknowledging that the words had an impact. Accountability here means recognising when your humour crossed a line and apologising sincerely.
12. “I don’t remember saying that.”
Sometimes memory lapses happen, but too often, this is used as a way to avoid addressing past actions. Feigning forgetfulness can leave the other person feeling dismissed or even gaslit. Instead of deflecting, try saying, “I don’t remember it that way, but I’m sorry if what I said hurt you.”
13. “Let’s not make a big deal out of this.”
Minimising the issue might feel like a way to keep the peace, but it usually leaves the other person feeling brushed off. It suggests their concerns aren’t worth addressing, which can create resentment over time. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and show a willingness to have a meaningful conversation.
14. “You’re putting words in my mouth.”
This shifts the focus away from the actual issue and turns it into a debate about semantics. It’s a tactic to derail the conversation and avoid accountability for what was said. Instead of getting defensive, clarify your intentions and take ownership of any misunderstandings.
15. “This isn’t worth arguing over.”
On the surface, this might seem like a way to avoid conflict, but it often dismisses the importance of the issue entirely. It’s a way of ending the conversation without resolving anything, which only leads to more frustration. A better approach is to say, “I don’t want to argue, but I think we should talk about this.”
16. “Well, you’re not perfect either.”
Deflecting criticism by pointing out the other person’s flaws is a classic move to avoid accountability. It shifts the spotlight away from your behaviour and derails the conversation into an unproductive back-and-forth. Taking responsibility for your actions, regardless of their mistakes, shows maturity and builds trust.
