Commitment can be a scary word for some, and when men aren’t ready to settle down, they often have a catalogue of excuses at the ready.
Their reasons might sound convincing, but they’re usually just ways to avoid confronting deeper fears or insecurities. If you’ve heard any of these 16 excuses, it might be time to read between the lines and walk away. If you’re looking for a real, lasting connection with a partner who can and will give you 100%, you’re with the wrong person.
1. “I’m just really focused on my career right now.”
While ambition is admirable, using work as a reason to avoid commitment can be a way of sidestepping emotional investment. It’s not that career goals and relationships are mutually exclusive—it’s often about prioritisation. If someone really wants a relationship, they’ll make room for it in their life.
2. “I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
This excuse is framed as concern for the relationship, but often means they’re comfortable keeping things casual. It’s a way to avoid the deeper responsibilities and emotional depth that come with commitment. Relationships evolve, and staying stagnant rarely works in the long term.
3. “I’ve been hurt before.”
While past heartbreak is valid, using it as a permanent shield against commitment can be a sign of emotional unavailability. It’s natural to be cautious, but healing from the past requires effort, not avoidance. A genuine connection shouldn’t have to compete with old wounds.
4. “I’m not ready yet.”
This vague excuse often leaves you waiting indefinitely for something that might never happen. Readiness for commitment isn’t about finding the perfect moment—it’s about choosing to invest in the relationship now. If they keep moving the goalposts, it might be time to reconsider.
5. “I don’t believe in labels.”
Rejecting labels like “boyfriend” or “partner” can be a way to avoid accountability. While some genuinely prefer non-traditional dynamics, others use this as a way to keep their options open. Defining a relationship isn’t about conforming—it’s about clarity and mutual respect.
6. “I just need more time.”
This can be a valid reason initially, but if “more time” becomes an endless refrain, it’s often an excuse to delay commitment indefinitely. A partner who values the relationship will use time to build a stronger connection, not as a stalling tactic.
7. “I don’t want to feel trapped.”
Some men equate commitment with losing their freedom, even though healthy relationships allow for independence. This mindset often reveals deeper fears about control or responsibility. True commitment is about partnership, not entrapment.
8. “I’m not sure if you’re ‘the one.’”
This excuse shifts the responsibility onto you, making it seem like you need to prove your worth. Commitment isn’t about finding a perfect match but choosing to grow together. Waiting for an idealised version of “the one” can be a way to avoid vulnerability.
9. “I’m still figuring myself out.”
Self-discovery is important, but using it as a constant reason to avoid commitment can indicate a reluctance to grow within a relationship. A good partnership allows space for individual growth while also creating a sense of mutual support.
10. “I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”
While this might sound selfless, it can be a tactic to lower expectations or avoid responsibility. Healthy relationships are about mutual support, not perfection. If someone truly cares, they’ll work on themselves rather than opting out.
11. “I don’t want to get hurt.”
Fear of emotional pain is common, but avoiding commitment to prevent potential heartbreak often leads to missed opportunities for connection. Building trust and taking risks is part of any meaningful relationship. Letting fear dictate decisions can hold everyone back.
12. “I’m just not in a good place right now.”
Sometimes this is genuine, but other times it’s a way to keep things casual without closing the door completely. If someone repeatedly uses this excuse without making changes, it could mean they’re not prioritising the relationship. Growth happens when both partners are willing to try.
13. “All relationships end badly anyway.”
This cynical view often masks a fear of failure or intimacy. While not every relationship lasts forever, assuming the worst can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Choosing to focus on the positives can help build a more optimistic and fulfilling connection.
14. “I’m too busy for a relationship.”
Life gets hectic, but someone who values you will make time, no matter how full their schedule is. Being “too busy” often signals that the relationship isn’t a priority. Balance is key, and commitment doesn’t have to mean sacrificing everything else.
15. “I don’t want things to change.”
This excuse reflects a fear of losing the comfort of how things are. Change can feel daunting, but it’s also necessary for growth and deepening a connection. Relationships evolve naturally, and resisting that evolution can stall progress.
16. “I’m not ready for something serious.”
For some, this simply means they’re not interested in commitment right now—and that’s okay. But if they consistently send mixed signals while using this excuse, it might be time to take their words at face value. A person who truly wants a serious relationship won’t need convincing.
