Some people might act like they’re on your side, but they’re not really there for you when things get messy.
While no one will agree with you 100% of the time, it’s important to surround yourself with people who will genuinely have your back when the chips are down. Sadly, some will happily sacrifice you if it means they get ahead in some way. Here’s how to spot someone who might throw you under the bus at the first available opportunity.
1. They take credit for things they didn’t do.
If they’re quick to claim credit for ideas or projects they didn’t fully contribute to, it’s a sign. They’re probably more focused on looking good than giving credit where it’s due. This habit usually means they’ll happily take the spotlight, even at someone else’s expense. If they’re willing to do it to other people, they’d likely do it to you. Taking credit that isn’t theirs says a lot about their priorities.
2. They dodge blame when things go wrong.
When mistakes happen, they’re the first to shift blame elsewhere. Owning up isn’t really their style—they’d rather protect their own image. This behaviour shows they’re not interested in taking responsibility. If they avoid accountability now, they’re likely to pass the buck when things get tough. Blame-dodging can be a pretty clear signal they’re not a team player.
3. They gossip about people behind their backs.
If they’re constantly talking about other people when they’re not around, chances are they’d do the same to you. While it might seem like harmless chit-chat, it actually shows they’re willing to spill details about anyone. Today, it’s someone else; tomorrow, it could be you. Gossip usually reveals a lack of loyalty. If they don’t respect other people’s privacy, they won’t respect yours either.
4. They’re vague when it’s time to commit.
If someone is always dodging clear commitments, they’re probably leaving room to back out when it suits them. This non-committal approach means they’re not fully on board with anything. It’s easier for them to disappear or pass the blame if things go sideways. When people aren’t all in, it’s easier for them to slip away when it counts. Vague commitments are a sign of shaky support.
5. They’re all about appearances.
If they’re always working to look good, especially around people who matter, they might care more about their reputation than loyalty. They’ll probably do whatever it takes to protect their image, even if that means letting everyone else take the fall. This focus on image can lead to quick blame-shifting if it saves face. People who prioritise appearances often won’t stick their necks out for anyone else. They’ll save themselves first if things go wrong.
6. They deny any involvement when things seem risky.
If there’s a chance things could go south, they’re the first to distance themselves. They don’t want any part of something that could reflect badly on them, even if they were involved. This habit shows they’re ready to bail at the first sign of trouble. Denying responsibility lets them off the hook while other people deal with the mess. They’re probably not someone who’ll stand by you if things get tough.
7. They take “jokes” a bit too far.
If they often make “jokes” that put you down, it might be a red flag. These digs, even if disguised as humour, show they’re okay with undermining you. Over time, constant joking at your expense can be a sign of disrespect. If they’re willing to take small shots, they might be comfortable throwing you under the bus when it matters. A steady stream of these jokes usually points to a deeper attitude.
8. They don’t give genuine apologies.
If they rarely apologise or do so with a lot of excuses, it shows they’re not into taking real responsibility. They might say “sorry” but always follow it up with a reason it wasn’t really their fault. People who can’t own up to the small stuff are unlikely to have your back on bigger things. Lack of real accountability can be a warning sign. Genuine apologies go a long way, and these are lacking.
9. They turn everything into a competition.
If they’re always trying to one-up you, even over trivial stuff, they might be more about winning than being supportive. This competitive streak can hint that they see you as someone to beat rather than team up with. Healthy competition is one thing, but if they’re constantly trying to outdo you, that says something. Their drive to win could lead to throwing you under the bus if it suits them. Not everyone sees competition as friendly.
10. They don’t show empathy when people mess up.
If they’re quick to judge when people make mistakes, it could mean they won’t give you much slack either. They might view mistakes as weaknesses, which can make them want to distance themselves from anyone involved. A lack of empathy often signals they won’t stick around when things go south. It’s easy for them to step back rather than help. Empathy is a good test of someone’s loyalty.
11. They side with whoever has the most power.
If they’re constantly aligning themselves with authority figures or the “in” crowd, they’re likely more interested in status than loyalty. People who stick to whoever’s winning often switch sides to protect themselves. If push comes to shove, they’ll probably choose their own security over having your back. Their loyalty usually depends on what they stand to gain. Status-chasers don’t always make the most reliable allies.
12. They ignore boundaries.
If they consistently push past your boundaries, it’s a sign they don’t respect limits. People who don’t respect boundaries are often more focused on what they want than what’s fair. This can lead to them stepping over other people if it benefits them. Ignoring boundaries now could mean ignoring you later. Respect for boundaries usually translates into respect for people.
13. They keep their intentions unclear.
If someone rarely shares what they’re actually aiming for, it’s a bit of a warning sign. This vagueness lets them stay flexible, avoiding responsibility if things go wrong. Keeping things murky can make it easier to pass the blame later. When people aren’t upfront, it’s hard to trust their support. Clarity in intentions usually shows honesty, and the lack of it doesn’t inspire confidence.
14. They’ve thrown people under the bus before.
If you know they’ve left people hanging in the past, there’s a good chance they’d do it again. People’s past actions often show how they’ll act in the future. If they’ve protected themselves at other people’s expense before, it’s not likely they’d act differently with you. Loyalty tends to be consistent, and so does self-preservation. History usually repeats itself when it comes to behaviour.
15. They rarely give credit where it’s due.
If they consistently downplay people’s efforts, it shows they’re more focused on boosting themselves than sharing recognition. This can mean they’re comfortable ignoring teamwork if it benefits them. Recognising other people’s contributions shows respect, and the lack of it can be a red flag. People who don’t give credit may be quick to take it if things go well—or deflect if they don’t. It’s a warning sign that loyalty isn’t their strong suit.
16. They don’t follow through on promises.
If they’re always making promises and then backing out, it’s a sign they’re unreliable. They might commit in the moment but won’t hesitate to bail if something better comes along. Consistently breaking promises shows they don’t value their word, which doesn’t bode well for loyalty. Unkept promises are a sign they won’t have your back when it matters. Trust is built on follow-through, and they’re lacking it.
