We’re all our own worst critics — it’s been that way since time immemorial.
We’re always setting impossible standards for ourselves that we’d never impose on anyone else. Then, when we inevitably fail to meet them, we then fall into a trap of self-blame, overthinking, and constant pressure. The good news is that when you recognise where you’re being too hard on yourself, you can start to cut yourself some slack. Here are just some of the ways you’re not being kind enough to yourself.
1. You expect perfection in everything you do.
Holding yourself to impossibly high standards can be exhausting. Whether it’s your work, relationships, or even hobbies, expecting perfection sets you up to feel like you’re never good enough. The truth is, “good enough” is often more than enough, and perfection isn’t as necessary as you think.
2. You beat yourself up over mistakes.
Mistakes are part of being human, but you might find yourself dwelling on them far longer than you should. Instead of seeing them as opportunities to learn, you replay them in your mind, convincing yourself you’ve failed. It’s okay to mess up—what matters is that you’re trying.
3. You compare yourself to everyone else.
Looking at other people’s lives and wondering why you’re not where they are can make you feel like you’re constantly falling short. But everyone’s path is different, and comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel is never fair to yourself.
4. You feel guilty for taking breaks.
Rest is essential, yet you might feel like you’re slacking off if you take a moment to breathe. That guilt can push you to overwork yourself, even when you’re running on empty. The irony is that breaks actually make you more productive in the long run.
5. You apologise for things that aren’t your fault.
Saying sorry for everything, even things out of your control, is a sign you might be too hard on yourself. It’s as if you’re taking on responsibility for everyone else’s feelings or mistakes, when in reality, not everything is your burden to bear.
6. You struggle to accept compliments.
When someone praises you, do you immediately brush it off or downplay your achievements? If so, you might be underselling yourself without even realising it. Accepting compliments doesn’t make you arrogant—it simply means you recognise your worth.
7. You dwell on things you can’t change.
It’s easy to obsess over past decisions or things that didn’t go your way, but constantly revisiting them keeps you stuck. Learning to let go of what’s out of your hands can free you to focus on the things you *can* control.
8. You take criticism too personally.
Hearing feedback can feel like a personal attack, even when it’s constructive. Instead of seeing it as a chance to grow, you might replay the critique and spiral into self-doubt. It’s worth remembering that feedback is about improving, not proving your worth.
9. You expect to have everything figured out.
Life is messy, and no one has all the answers. If you’re constantly pressuring yourself to have it all together, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s okay to admit you’re figuring things out as you go—everyone is.
10. You downplay your achievements.
When you accomplish something, do you immediately move on to the next goal without taking a moment to celebrate? If so, you’re robbing yourself of the chance to appreciate how far you’ve come. Success deserves recognition, even from yourself.
11. You worry too much about pleasing other people.
Focusing on what everyone else thinks can leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled. When you prioritise other people’s expectations over your own needs, you’re setting yourself up for constant self-criticism. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
12. You judge yourself for your emotions.
Feeling sad, angry, or overwhelmed doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. If you’re harsh on yourself for having emotions, you’re adding unnecessary stress to an already difficult moment. Emotions are valid, and they don’t need to be justified or suppressed.
13. You expect instant results.
Whether it’s a fitness goal, career progress, or personal growth, you might find yourself impatient when things don’t happen quickly. But real progress takes time, and being hard on yourself won’t speed up the process. Patience is key.
14. You avoid celebrating small victories.
If you’re only happy when you achieve something massive, you’re likely overlooking the little wins that make up everyday life. Those small moments of progress or joy matter just as much, and recognising them can shift your perspective.
15. You set unrealistic expectations for yourself.
Whether it’s trying to do everything perfectly or taking on too much at once, setting the bar too high makes it easy to feel like a failure. Realistic goals not only keep you grounded but also allow you to celebrate progress instead of chasing perfection.
