It’s never nice to hear something negative about yourself, of course.
No one likes their flaws being pointed out, but sometimes it’s necessary, not only to make us aware of certain shortcomings we might not recognise, but to encourage us to do the work to get better. Unfortunately, not everyone is mature enough to handle constructive criticism or feedback. If you’re one of them, chances are you act out in these ways.
1. You shut down and go silent.
When feedback feels too harsh to handle, some people retreat into the ultimate shutdown mode: silence. Instead of talking it out, they go mute, leaving everyone around guessing what went wrong. It might feel satisfying to stew in silence, but a simple “Thanks for the feedback; let me think on it” is a lot more constructive.
2. You immediately act defensive.
This reaction kicks in when feedback is met with a full-blown defensive mode. Instead of listening, they respond with, “Why are you being so harsh?” or “This feels like a personal attack!” Taking things personally can escalate a simple comment into an argument. A little deep breath can go a long way here—sometimes feedback isn’t an attack, just a nudge for improvement.
3. You try to explain everything.
When feedback lands, some people dive straight into over-explaining every detail, trying to justify why they did things their way. They’ll lay out the whole backstory, hoping to prove they’re right. Instead of going into a long explanation, try responding with, “I hear you; I’ll think about that.” It’s a quick way to avoid sounding defensive.
4. You start listing excuses.
For some, feedback is a cue to start listing every excuse under the sun. “Well, I only did that because…” or “If it weren’t for X, Y, and Z, it would’ve been different.” While it’s tempting to explain, this reaction often just deflects from the feedback. Instead, a simple “I see what you mean” can go a lot further in keeping the conversation productive.
5. You say, “That’s not fair!”
When feedback feels too much to handle, some respond with an outraged, “That’s not fair!” as if they’ve been wrongly accused. It’s natural to feel misunderstood, but jumping to “not fair” territory can make it seem like you’re unwilling to take responsibility. Trying a “Thanks for the perspective” response can help keep things light and constructive.
6. You shift the blame onto other people.
This reaction involves shifting the blame onto anyone or anything else: coworkers, a tough deadline, even the weather! Pointing fingers may take the heat off temporarily, but it rarely fixes the issue. A simple, “I see where I could’ve done better” can show accountability and stop the blame game before it starts.
7. You react with self-pity.
Some people respond to feedback by acting like they’ve been gravely wronged, sighing heavily, or saying things like, “I guess I just can’t do anything right.” This reaction makes it hard for the feedback-giver to feel heard. Replacing the dramatics with a simple “Got it, thanks for letting me know” keeps the feedback exchange from getting overly emotional.
8. You deflect with sarcasm.
Sarcasm often pops up as a defence mechanism, with responses like, “Oh sure because I’m obviously the only one making mistakes around here.” Sarcasm might feel like a quick shield, but it can make things tense and uncomfortable. Try staying neutral and saying, “I hadn’t thought of that; thanks for the input.” It can help avoid any awkwardness.
9. You over-apologise.
When feedback lands, some people go straight to apologising for everything, even if it’s not warranted. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” They pile on apologies, hoping to make the feedback go away. While an apology is sometimes needed, over-apologising can come across as insincere. Instead, try a simple, “Thanks for the feedback—I’ll work on that.”
10. You shift focus to your past achievements.
This person quickly shifts the focus by mentioning something they did well in the past, as if to cancel out the feedback. “But remember when I nailed that project last month?” It might feel good to remind other people of your past accomplishments, but it’s a little off-topic. Instead, just acknowledge the feedback and save the self-praise for another time.
11. You respond with an “all-or-nothing” attitude.
Sometimes, feedback sparks an all-or-nothing reaction: “Fine, I’ll just never do that again.” This extreme reaction is a way to avoid the issue entirely. A more balanced response is, “I’ll consider your points and work on that.” It shows you’re open to feedback without going to extremes.
12. You respond with a “you’re not perfect either” comeback.
In response to feedback, some people immediately turn the tables, saying, “Well, you’re not perfect either!” This tit-for-tat response shifts focus and creates defensiveness all around. Rather than pointing fingers, try, “I appreciate your feedback; I’ll work on it.” It keeps the spotlight where it belongs—on growth.
13. You brush it off as “not a big deal.”
Some people respond to feedback by downplaying it entirely with a casual, “Eh, it’s not that serious.” Minimising feedback can make people feel dismissed or undervalued. Instead, try acknowledging it, even if it seems minor, with “Thanks for letting me know.” Acknowledging feedback shows you respect their perspective.
14. You hold a silent grudge.
If you find yourself holding on to feedback and silently stewing, you might be a bit of a feedback grudge-holder. Instead of sulking, try letting it go and seeing it as a learning opportunity. Feedback doesn’t have to define you, and embracing it with a lighter attitude can help you grow without carrying unnecessary weight.
15. You focus on how hard you worked.
When feedback comes after a lot of effort, some respond by focusing on how hard they worked rather than on what could improve. Effort is valuable, but good feedback can make hard work even better. Try responding with, “Got it—I’ll keep that in mind.” It keeps the conversation constructive without diminishing your hard work.
16. You keep explaining your choices without stopping.
Some people respond with an endless explanation, defending every choice they made and dissecting every detail. This reaction might help you feel better, but it can overwhelm the conversation. Instead, a simple, “I see what you’re saying—thanks for the input” can keep things short and positive.
