Networking events and forced social mingling can be a massive drain on your battery, especially if you’re not particularly extroverted.
We’ve all been there—trapped in a corner, clutching a lukewarm drink, and recycling the same three lines about the weather or how bad the traffic was. However, some people seem to have a knack for skipping the small talk and actually making you feel like they give a toss about what you’re saying. It’s not magic; it’s just that socially intelligent people know how to steer a conversation away from the script. If you want to stop dreading the “so, what do you do?” loop and actually start connecting with the person in front of you, here’s how the first half of that playbook looks in the real world.
1. “Tell me more about that.”
Most people are just waiting for their turn to speak, but this simple statement proves you’re actually listening. It’s the ultimate green light. By asking someone to go deeper, you’re telling them their story is worth more than a 10-second summary. It turns a standard chat into something much more engaging because you’re giving them permission to share the details they usually skip. It’s a low-pressure way to show you’re genuinely hooked on what they’re saying, rather than just nodding along until it’s your turn to talk.
2. “How did you find that?”
Instead of sticking to the boring play-by-play of what happened, this question digs into the person’s actual experience. Whether they’re talking about a new job, a house move, or a trip abroad, asking how they found it, or how it made them feel, opens up a much more human conversation. It shows you’re interested in their perspective, not just the facts. People remember how you made them feel, and showing a bit of empathy is the quickest way to move from strangers at a party to people who actually get each other.
3. “I can relate to that because…”
Sharing a bit of yourself isn’t about hijacking the conversation; it’s about building a bridge. When you find a “me too” moment, the whole vibe of the conversation changes. It stops being a formal interview and starts feeling like a proper back-and-forth. These shared experiences make the world feel a bit smaller and less intimidating. As long as you keep it brief and throw the ball back into their court, showing that you’ve been in their shoes creates an instant sense of trust.
4. “What’s your take on…?”
Handing someone the floor to share their opinion is a massive compliment. It shows you’re not just there for mindless chit-chat—you actually value their brain and their insights. Whether it’s something going on in your industry or just a random topic that’s popped up, asking for their hot take makes them feel like their voice matters. It’s a brilliant way to turn a one-sided monologue into a vibrant discussion where you both get to learn something new.
5. “I really respect how you handled that.”
A genuine, specific compliment is worth its weight in gold. Most people are used to being ignored or criticized, so when you point out something you actually admire about them, it sticks. It doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic statement; it could just be a quiet acknowledgement of their grit or their sense of humour. It warms up the atmosphere and proves you’ve been paying attention to the person behind the words. It’s a simple way to build rapport without it feeling like you’re trying too hard.
6. “That sounds like a lot to take on—how did you deal with it?”
Acknowledging that someone’s had a tough run shows you’re actually tuned into the reality of their situation. Instead of just saying “that’s nice” and moving on, you’re giving them props for their resilience. Asking about their game plan reveals that you’re interested in their process, not just the end result. It’s a great way to learn from someone else’s playbook while making them feel respected for the hard work they’ve put in.
7. “It’s interesting you say that because…”
This is the best way to show someone that their words haven’t just vanished into thin air. It proves that what they’ve said has actually sparked a thought or made a connection in your own head. When you show that a conversation is making waves in your brain, it makes the other person feel much more engaged. It stops the chat from feeling like a chore and turns it into a genuine exchange of ideas that’s actually going somewhere.
8. “I’ve never looked at it from that angle before.”
Admitting that someone has changed your mind or given you a new perspective is a massive ego boost for them. It shows you’re not just there to wait for your turn to argue or agree, but that you’re actually open to seeing the world through their eyes. It’s a bit of a virtual fist bump that creates an instant bond, proving that you’re curious and humble enough to learn something from a stranger.
9. “What was it that got you started with all this?”
This is a much better version of “what do you do?” because it asks for the backstory rather than just the current job title. It invites the other person to talk about their motivations and the path they’ve taken, which is always more interesting than a dry list of responsibilities. It’s the conversational equivalent of zooming out to see the bigger picture, making the whole interaction feel richer and far more personal.
10. “Is there anything I can do to help with that?”
Offering a hand, even if it’s just a small introduction or a bit of advice, moves the conversation from pleasantries to a proper connection. It shows you’re not just there for the good times or the networking points, but that you’re actually willing to back them up. Even if they don’t need anything right now, the fact that you offered makes you stand out as someone who’s genuinely supportive, rather than just another person looking to see what they can get out of the room.
