It’s a gut-wrenching feeling to realise you might just be someone’s placeholder in life, but sometimes the signs are there.
You might see a long, happy life with your partner, but that doesn’t guarantee they’re on the same page — or even in the same book. Here are 16 red flags that your partner might be treating your relationship like a waiting room. Remember, you deserve someone who sees your value, not one who puts you on the back burner until they find someone they like better.
1. They avoid making long-term plans with you.
Trying to nail down future plans with them is like trying to catch smoke. Whether it’s next month’s concert or next year’s holiday, they always have a reason to keep things vague. “Let’s see how things go” becomes their mantra. It’s as if they’re keeping their calendar open, just in case something (or someone) better comes along.
2. They’re constantly on dating apps “just for fun”.
Sure, they claim they’re just killing time or chatting with friends, but their thumbs are getting more action than you are. If they’re still swiping and matching while supposedly committed to you, it’s a pretty clear sign they’re keeping their options wide open. Your relationship status might as well be “it’s complicated” on their profile.
3. They introduce you with vague terms.
“This is my… friend.” Ouch. If you’ve been dating for a while, and they’re still introducing you as their buddy or pal, something’s off. It’s clear they’re afraid to put a label on your relationship, keeping things fuzzy enough that they can easily slip away if something shinier catches their eye.
4. They’re always talking about their ex.
It’s one thing to mention an ex occasionally, but if your partner’s constantly bringing up their former flame, it’s a red flag. Whether they’re comparing you unfavourably or waxing nostalgic about the “good old days,” it’s clear their heart might still be stuck in the past. You’re left feeling like a temporary stand-in rather than a new chapter.
5. They’re super secretive about their phone.
Their phone is more closely guarded than Fort Knox. They never leave it unattended, and heaven forbid you glance at their screen while they’re texting. Such a high level of secrecy suggests they’re hiding something — or someone. It’s as if their phone is the portal to their real life, and you’re just not invited.
6. They’re hot and cold with affection.
One day they’re all over you, the next they can barely muster a hug, and the rollercoaster of affection keeps you constantly off-balance. They’re giving you just enough attention to keep you around, but not enough to feel secure. You’re left wondering if their heart is really in it, or if they’re just going through the motions.
7. They’re always talking about their “options”.
“I could totally date a model if I wanted to.” Charming, right? If your partner’s constantly reminding you of their dating market value, it’s a sign they’re not fully committed. They’re keeping one foot out the door, making sure you know they could upgrade at any moment. It’s less about appreciating what they have and more about what they think they could get.
8. They avoid posting about you on social media.
In the age of Instagram, their feed is suspiciously devoid of your presence. While not everyone needs to broadcast their relationship, a complete absence of couple content can be telling. They’re maintaining a single persona online, ready to slip back into the dating pool without any digital trace of you.
9. They’re always “too busy” for your friends and family.
Meeting the important people in your life? They’ve always got an excuse. Work, prior commitments, sudden illnesses — you name it, they’ve used it. Their reluctance to integrate into your world suggests they’re not planning on sticking around. They’re keeping their life separate, making it easier to exit stage left when they decide to.
10. They dodge conversations about the future.
Trying to talk about where your relationship is heading is like pulling teeth. They change the subject, make jokes, or suddenly remember an urgent errand. This avoidance tactic screams that they’re not seeing a future with you. They’re living in the now, but their now doesn’t include a tomorrow with you in it.
11. They’re overly flirtatious with other people… right in front of you.
A little harmless flirting is one thing, but if your partner’s laying it on thick with other people while you’re right there, it’s disrespectful and telling. It’s like they’re advertising their availability, using you as a safety net while they fish for better prospects. You’re left feeling like an afterthought in your own relationship.
12. They keep their options open during arguments.
“Maybe we’re just not right for each other.” If this phrase pops up during every minor disagreement, it’s a red flag. They’re using the threat of leaving as a way to avoid dealing with issues. It’s a clear sign they’re not invested in working things out, but rather looking for an easy out.
13. They’re always talking about their “type”… and it’s not you.
If your partner frequently mentions their ideal partner, and it sounds nothing like you, take note. Whether it’s physical traits or personality quirks, this constant reminder of what they “really” want is both hurtful and telling. It’s as if they’re window shopping while holding your hand.
14. They’re resistant to any form of commitment.
Moving in together? Meeting the parents? Getting a pet? These normal relationship steps are met with panic or outright refusal. Their resistance to any form of commitment, no matter how small, suggests they’re keeping their life commitment-free for a reason. And that reason probably isn’t you.
15. They’re always comparing your relationship to other people’s.
“Look how happy they are” or “I wish we were more like them” are common refrains. The constant comparison leaves you feeling like you’re not measuring up. It’s as if they’re openly window shopping for a better relationship model, with you awkwardly standing by.
16. They’re overly interested in your friends’ relationship statuses.
If your partner’s ears perk up every time you mention a newly single friend, it’s worrying. Their keen interest in the relationship status of people in your circle suggests they’re scoping out potential upgrades. It’s like they’re treating your social network as their personal dating pool-in-waiting.
