Couples end up divorcing for a variety of reasons — the dissolution of a marriage isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing.
However, people who end up divorced have a lot more in common than you’d think. Obviously, the end of a relationship is usually never just one person’s fault, but having these traits certainly makes it more likely that a marriage will fill.
1. They struggle with communication.
Many divorced folks admit they had a hard time expressing themselves clearly or listening to their partner. They might’ve bottled up feelings until they exploded, or shut down during arguments. Some never learned how to have those tough conversations without it turning into a shouting match. This breakdown in communication often left both sides feeling misunderstood and frustrated.
2. They have unrealistic expectations.
Some people enter marriage thinking it’ll be all romance and happiness, like in the movies. When reality hits — with bills, chores, and everyday stresses — they feel let down. They might expect their partner to read their mind or fulfil all their needs. When these sky-high expectations aren’t met, disappointment and resentment can creep in.
3. They’re not great at compromise.
Marriage often requires give and take, but some folks have a hard time with the ‘give’ part. They might dig their heels in during disagreements or always want things their way. This inflexibility can create a lot of tension, with both partners feeling like they’re constantly battling for their needs to be met.
4. They let resentment build up.
Instead of addressing issues head-on, some people let small annoyances pile up over time. Maybe they’re upset about the division of chores or feeling unappreciated, but they don’t speak up. This simmering resentment can eat away at the relationship, creating a negative atmosphere even when things seem fine on the surface.
5. They struggle with financial management.
Money troubles are a common source of stress in marriages. Some divorced individuals admit they weren’t on the same page with their ex about spending, saving, or financial goals. Others might have hidden debts or made big purchases without consulting their partner. These financial disagreements and secrets can create a huge strain on the relationship.
6. They have difficulty with trust.
Trust issues can stem from past experiences or develop within the marriage. Some folks might constantly suspect their partner of cheating or lying, even without evidence. Others might break their partner’s trust through infidelity or dishonesty. Once trust is broken, it’s really hard to rebuild, and the relationship can suffer.
7. They neglect self-care.
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in work, kids, and daily responsibilities that you forget to take care of yourself. Many divorced people realise they let their own needs and interests slide during their marriage. This neglect can lead to feeling unfulfilled or losing your sense of self, which can impact the relationship.
8. They have unresolved personal issues.
Some folks bring baggage from childhood or past relationships into their marriage without dealing with it. This might show up as commitment issues, anger problems, or difficulty with intimacy. These unresolved issues can create recurring problems in the relationship that are hard to overcome without professional help.
9. They struggle with intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t just about sex — it’s about emotional closeness too. Some divorced individuals admit they had trouble opening up or being vulnerable with their partner. Others might have let physical intimacy dwindle, creating distance in the relationship. This lack of connection can leave both partners feeling lonely, even when they’re together.
10. They have different values or life goals.
Sometimes, people realise too late that they’re not on the same page about big things like having kids, career ambitions, or where to live. These fundamental differences can create a lot of conflict and make it hard to build a life together. If they can’t find a way to align their goals, it might lead to growing apart.
11. They don’t prioritise the relationship.
It’s easy to take a marriage for granted, especially after years together. Some divorced folks admit they stopped putting effort into date nights, thoughtful gestures, or quality time together. When the relationship isn’t nurtured, it can start to feel more like a roommate situation than a partnership.
12. They have poor conflict resolution skills.
Arguments are normal, but how you handle them matters. Some people tend to avoid conflicts altogether, while others might resort to name-calling or bringing up past mistakes. Without healthy ways to work through disagreements, small issues can turn into major problems over time.
13. They struggle with addiction.
Addiction, whether to substances, gambling, or other behaviours, can wreak havoc on a marriage. It often leads to broken trust, financial problems, and emotional distance. Many divorced individuals cite addiction — their own or their partner’s — as a major factor in the breakdown of their relationship.
14. They have difficulty with forgiveness.
Holding grudges can poison a relationship. Some folks find it really hard to let go of past hurts or mistakes, bringing them up in every argument. This inability to forgive can create a cycle of negativity that’s tough to break out of.
15. They lack individual identity.
Some people lose themselves in their marriage, forgetting to maintain their own friendships, hobbies, or goals. This can lead to feeling unfulfilled or putting too much pressure on the relationship to meet all their needs. It can also make it harder to handle conflicts or changes in the relationship.
16. They have unrealistic views on love.
Thanks to movies and social media, some folks expect constant butterflies and grand gestures. They might mistake the natural ebb and flow of long-term love for falling out of love. This misconception can lead to chasing new relationship energy instead of working on deepening their connection.
17. They struggle with change.
People grow and change over time, and sometimes partners grow in different directions. Some divorced individuals admit they had trouble adapting to their partner’s changes or were resistant to changing themselves. This inflexibility can create a gap between partners that becomes hard to bridge.
18. They have difficulty with emotional regulation.
Managing emotions, especially during stressful times, is crucial in a relationship. Some folks might have anger issues, struggle with anxiety, or have mood swings that impact their partner. Without good emotional regulation skills, these challenges can put a huge strain on the marriage.
19. They neglect their physical health.
While it might not seem directly related to marriage, neglecting physical health can have a big impact. It can affect energy levels, mood, and self-esteem. Some divorced individuals realise they let their health slide, which affected their overall well-being and, in turn, their relationship.
20. They have unrealistic expectations of change.
Some people enter marriage thinking they can change their partner or that their partner’s annoying habits will magically disappear. When this doesn’t happen, they feel frustrated and let down. Accepting your partner for who they are, while encouraging growth, is a balance many find challenging to strike.
