Friendships are meant to add to our lives in positive ways, but some only bring toxicity.
Just because you really like someone or have known them a long time doesn’t mean it’s a healthy relationship. In fact, if you notice any of these things happening with your “friend,” you’re probably much better off without them.
1. They constantly put you down.
If your friend’s comments often feel more like insults than jokes, that’s a red flag. Teasing can be part of friendship, but constant put-downs chip away at your self-esteem. Friends should make you feel good about yourself, not insecure. When the “jokes” start to feel personal, it’s a sign the friendship might be more harmful than helpful.
2. They only reach out when they need something.
It’s natural to ask friends for help now and then, but if someone only contacts you when they want something, it can feel one-sided. True friends check in because they care, not just because they need a favour. A relationship that’s all take and no give can leave you feeling used. Friendship should be mutual, not a series of requests.
3. They dismiss your feelings.
If a friend constantly brushes off your feelings or tells you you’re “overreacting,” it can make you feel unheard. Friends should be supportive and willing to understand your perspective, even if they don’t fully agree. When your emotions are regularly dismissed, it’s hard to feel valued in the friendship. Feeling understood is crucial for a healthy connection.
4. They make everything about themselves.
Conversations should flow both ways, but if your friend always brings the focus back to themselves, it can feel frustrating. When you rarely get a chance to share your own thoughts, it’s a sign that they’re more interested in talking than listening. Friendships should be a balance of support and sharing. A self-centred friend often leaves little room for your voice.
5. They don’t respect your boundaries.
If a friend regularly oversteps or ignores your boundaries, it shows a lack of respect. Boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship, and a good friend will respect them without question. When someone constantly pushes past what you’re comfortable with, it’s hard to feel safe and valued. Respecting boundaries is a foundation of any meaningful friendship.
6. They make you feel guilty for spending time with other people.
A healthy friend will be happy to see you enjoy other friendships, too. But if someone makes you feel bad for spending time with other people, it can become isolating. No one should expect you to limit your circle for their sake. Friendships thrive on trust and freedom, not guilt and possessiveness. Being friends shouldn’t mean giving up other connections.
7. They are quick to judge.
If your friend frequently criticises your choices or seems to judge you, it can make you second-guess yourself. Friends are meant to support, not shame you. Constant judgment can feel like walking on eggshells, never knowing if they’ll approve of your decisions. In a healthy friendship, acceptance should come naturally, not as something you have to earn.
8. They ignore your successes.
When something good happens, a friend should be there to celebrate with you. If they often seem uninterested or even dismissive of your accomplishments, it can feel hurtful. True friends cheer you on and share in your joy. A lack of support during positive moments can make the friendship feel one-sided. Celebrating each other is part of what makes friendship rewarding.
9. They always bring negativity.
It’s okay to vent sometimes, but if a friend constantly brings negativity, it can start to weigh you down. Being around someone who’s always complaining or focusing on the bad can affect your mood, too. While supporting each other is important, a healthy friendship includes a balance of positivity. When negativity takes over, it’s hard to feel uplifted.
10. They make you feel drained.
After spending time with a good friend, you should feel refreshed or at least content. If you consistently feel exhausted or emotionally drained, it’s a sign the friendship might be taking more from you than it gives. Friendship should be a source of comfort and joy. When it becomes tiring, it’s worth reassessing if it’s still bringing you happiness.
11. They compete with you.
Healthy friends encourage each other to succeed, but if your friend always tries to “one-up” you, it can feel like a competition. Friendly competition is one thing, but constant comparisons can destroy trust and comfort. True friends don’t see each other as rivals. A friendship built on comparison instead of support can feel more like a contest than a connection.
12. They talk behind your back.
Hearing that a friend has been gossiping about you can be hurtful and damaging to trust. Friends should have each other’s backs, even when they’re not around. If someone frequently talks behind your back, it shows a lack of loyalty and respect. Trust is the foundation of friendship, and without it, a true connection is hard to maintain.
13. They pressure you to change.
Friends might suggest improvements or support your growth, but they should never pressure you to be someone you’re not. Feeling like you have to change to meet their standards can be exhausting and demoralising. A real friend appreciates you for who you are, quirks and all. Pressure to change indicates they’re not truly accepting of you as you are.
14. They don’t make an effort.
Friendship is a two-way street, and both people need to put in effort to keep it going. If you’re always the one reaching out, planning, or checking in, it can feel lonely. When someone makes little to no effort, it shows they may not value the friendship as much as you do. A balanced friendship has mutual care and interest, not one-sided work.
