Arguments happen in every relationship — it’s impossible to avoid them completely, and it wouldn’t be healthy anyway.
That being said, you do need to figure out ways of handling them that don’t blow minor issues out of proportion or leave lasting damage to the relationship. An emotionally mature person knows exactly how to do this, which is why they fight fair in the following ways.
1. They keep the current issue at the centre.
When emotions rise, they resist bringing up past grievances or unrelated problems. Instead of saying “You always do this,” they stick to “Right now, I’m concerned about…” They focus on addressing what’s happening in the present moment, preventing the argument from spiralling into a greatest-hits collection of past hurts. The conversation stays focused on what can actually be solved today.
2. They acknowledge valid points, even when upset.
When the other person makes a good point, they’ll say “That’s fair” or “I hadn’t thought of it that way” — even in the middle of disagreeing with them. This isn’t about giving up their position; it’s about showing they value truth over ego. Maturity shows in the ability to learn something new, even from someone who’s frustrated you.
3. They state specific needs clearly.
Instead of vague complaints, they express clear, actionable needs: “I need to know about schedule changes at least a day in advance” rather than “You’re so inconsiderate.” They outline what would actually help solve the problem rather than just expressing dissatisfaction. Concrete requests create clear paths to resolution.
4. They recognise escalation triggers.
They notice the physical signs that they’re getting too heated — tight chest, clenched fists, racing thoughts. When these warning signs appear, they’ll say “I need five minutes to collect my thoughts” rather than pushing through until they explode. They understand their personal tipping point and step back before crossing it.
5. They manage their physical presence deliberately.
Instead of looming over someone or getting in their space, they maintain a calm, neutral position. They might sit down to defuse tension or step back to give breathing room. They’re aware that physical intimidation, even unintentional, shuts down productive discussion.
6. They protect sensitive information.
Even in heated moments, they don’t weaponise private knowledge — mental health struggles, family issues, personal insecurities. They understand that using someone’s vulnerabilities against them destroys trust permanently. Some lines, once crossed, change relationships forever.
7. They speak in specifics rather than patterns.
Instead of “you never listen,” they say “when I tried to tell you about work yesterday, you were on your phone.” They point to actual incidents that can be addressed, rather than alleged patterns that feel like character attacks. Specific examples can be discussed and resolved.
8. They actively try to find some understanding.
They ask clarifying questions: “What do you mean when you say you feel overlooked?” or “Can you help me understand why this bothers you so much?” They dig deeper into perspectives different from their own instead of assuming bad intentions. Questions reveal more than accusations.
9. They claim their role early.
Instead of waiting for the other person to admit fault first, they’ll say “I know I contributed to this by…” or “I should have handled that differently.” They understand that taking responsibility creates space for other people to do the same. Leadership in accountability often shifts the entire conversation.
10. They modulate their voice strategically.
Rather than matching raised voices, they’ll intentionally lower their tone to bring down the emotional temperature. They might slow their speech or soften their volume when tension rises. Voice control becomes a tool for redirecting conflict energy.
11. They challenge actions, not identity.
Instead of “you’re selfish,” they say “when you made plans without checking with me, it impacted our whole weekend.” They focus on specific behaviours that can change rather than labelling someone’s character. Actions can be modified; identity attacks leave lasting wounds.
12. They contain the conflict.
They don’t vent on social media or turn friends into jury members. They handle disagreements directly with the person involved, rather than building an audience. They understand that public exposure makes private resolution nearly impossible.
13. They respect processing styles.
They recognise that some people need time to think before responding, while other people need to talk things through immediately. They’ll ask, “Do you need time to process this, or would you rather discuss it now?” Different people need different approaches to conflict.
14. They propose next steps.
Instead of circular arguing, they ask, “What can we do differently moving forward?” or suggest specific changes: “Maybe we could set up a shared calendar.” They move discussions toward practical solutions rather than perfect agreement. Progress beats perfection.
15. They offer choices instead of threats.
Rather than “If you don’t change, I’m done,” they say “Here’s what I can work with, and here’s what I can’t. What feels doable to you?” They create space for collaborative problem-solving instead of forcing win-lose scenarios. Options keep conversations open.
16. They guard personal space.
They don’t follow someone into another room, grab phones to prevent walking away, or force physical proximity when someone needs distance. They respect physical boundaries as much as emotional ones. Space can be healing when used respectfully.
17. They ensure clear resolution.
Before ending difficult conversations, they confirm agreements: “So we’ll both work on X and check in next week?” They make sure both parties understand what happens next, rather than leaving things vague. Clarity prevents future arguments about the argument.
