Being there to listen to your friends when they’re going through a tough time is just part of the job.
However, there comes a point when leaning on you for a bit of support becomes dumping their trauma on you and expecting you to fix their entire life. You’re not qualified to do that, of course, and it’s not your job — that’s what the professionals are for. However, if someone says these things to you regularly, you’re being used as a free therapist.
1. “Can we talk? You always give the best advice.”
The message arrives at midnight on a weekday. These late-night therapy sessions always start the same way, with a compliment that hooks you in. The conversation that follows inevitably stretches into hours of emotional heavy lifting, leaving you drained for your own morning ahead. People who lead with this line have learned that flattery is the fastest way to secure your time.
2. “You’re the only one who really understands.”
They’ve cycled through the same relationship drama with three different people, and each time this line appears. The weight of being someone’s sole emotional support creates an unspoken obligation. What starts as a genuine connection becomes a role you’re expected to maintain, turning friendship into an unpaid counselling position.
3. “Sorry to dump this on you, but I don’t know who else to tell.”
This line drops into casual conversations like a grenade, transforming coffee catch-ups into crisis management sessions. The apology feels hollow when it’s the third time this week, each instance prefaced with the same disclaimer. What follows is usually an hour of heavy emotional content that they haven’t shared with anyone else — including their actual therapist.
4. “I tried therapy once, but nobody gets me like you do.”
These words should trigger immediate caution alarms. Someone has chosen free, untrained support over professional help because it’s more comfortable. The comparison to professional therapy reveals they’re aware of what they’re doing — turning a friendship into a counselling service. It’s a pattern that often leads to dependency rather than growth.
5. “Just let me vent for five minutes.”
Those five minutes inevitably stretch into an hour-long dissection of their entire life situation. The initial time limit is just a foot in the door, a way to make the request seem smaller than it is. What follows is an emotional marathon that leaves you carrying their baggage long after they feel better.
6. “What would you do if you were me?”
This seemingly simple question appears after they’ve ignored your previous advice multiple times. The cycle repeats: they ask, you advise, they do the opposite, then return to process the consequences. It’s a pattern that shows they’re not actually asking for advice — they’re looking for someone to witness their choices.
7. “You should be a real therapist.”
The suggestion comes after they’ve offloaded their problems for the third time that week. Such a blatant backhanded compliment actually translates to acknowledging they’re treating you like a professional — without the professional boundaries or compensation. It’s recognition of value without respect for limits.
8. “I know it’s late, but are you up?”
Source: Unsplash The timestamp reads 2 AM, and the message carries an implicit urgency. Their emotional emergencies seem to peak when you’re trying to sleep. These late-night crisis calls reveal how boundaries blur when someone sees you as their emotional safety net.
9. “Why can’t other people be more like you?”
This praise appears after they’ve tested several other listeners’ boundaries. The compliment masks a pattern of needing unlimited emotional support. Other people aren’t “worse” — they’re just better at maintaining healthy boundaries. The comparison is actually a red flag of emotional dependency.
10. “You’re not going to believe what they did this time.”
The same story unfolds with different characters, but identical patterns. Your role is to sit through another episode of a show you’ve watched countless times. These recycled dramas reveal how people can mistake validation for growth, using you as their emotional echo chamber.
11. “I didn’t want to bother you, but…”
This disclaimer always precedes something that absolutely bothers you. The token acknowledgment of your time doesn’t change the impact of what follows. It clearly shows they’re aware of the imposition but proceeding anyway, treating your emotional labour as their safety net.
12. “You’re just so good at explaining things.”
Another midnight message, another request to untangle their interpersonal mess. Their praise often comes after they’ve exhausted other listeners with the same issues. The compliment serves as bait, drawing you into hours of processing their newest crisis. It’s manipulation wrapped in appreciation.
13. “Nobody else really listens like you do.”
They tend to say this when they’ve run out of other willing ears. The implied specialness of your connection masks how they’ve likely overwhelmed other people with similar demands. The exclusivity trap makes it harder to enforce boundaries without feeling like you’re failing them.
14. “I feel so much better after talking to you.”
Source: Unsplash They leave lighter, while you carry the weight of their problems. A one-way emotional transfer like this happens regularly, creating an unspoken expectation of your endless availability. Their relief comes at the cost of your emotional energy, a transaction they rarely acknowledge.
15. “You remember everything about my situation.”
Source: Unsplash This observation comes after you’ve become the unwitting archivist of their emotional history. Your detailed memory isn’t just friendship — it’s the result of hours spent processing their issues. It’s a pattern that reveals how deeply you’ve been pulled into their narrative, often at the expense of your own story.
16. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Source: Unsplash The heaviest guilt trip of all arrives wrapped in gratitude, and this dependency statement reveals an unhealthy reliance on your emotional support. What sounds like appreciation is actually pressure to maintain an unsustainable role. It’s the clearest sign that boundaries need rebuilding.
