If there’s someone in your life who constantly “forgets” plans you made, your birthday, or other special events, I’ve got some bad news for you.
There’s nothing wrong with their memory. Their life isn’t overly hectic, they don’t have “a lot going on right now,” or any of that. They didn’t “forget” important things about you or your life — they just don’t care enough to remember it, and that’s the truth. Here’s how you know their oversight wasn’t just an honest mistake.
1. They remember things that benefit them.
If they never forget a favour you owe them but always “forget” to pay you back, it’s probably not about memory. They seem to have a selective memory that works perfectly fine when it’s in their interest. It’s a sign they’re prioritising what matters to them and dismissing the rest.
2. They forget important dates repeatedly.
Forgetting your birthday or anniversary once is understandable. But if it happens year after year, it’s likely they just don’t think it’s important enough to make an effort to remember. Given how easy it is to get your phone to send you a quick reminder, repeatedly forgetting major dates is often a choice.
3. They remember details about their favourite topics.
If they can recite stats from last night’s game but “forget” your food allergies, it’s about priorities. People tend to remember things they’re passionate about. If they consistently forget important things about you but never miss a beat with their interests, it’s not forgetfulness.
4. They don’t apologise for forgetting.
When someone genuinely forgets something important, they usually feel bad and apologise. If they brush it off like it’s no big deal or get defensive, it might be because they don’t really care that they forgot. Their lack of remorse is a tell-tale sign.
5. They make no effort to remember in the future.
If someone cares, they’ll try to do better next time. They might set reminders or write things down. If they keep “forgetting” the same things and never try to improve, it’s likely they just don’t think it’s worth the effort to remember.
6. They remember when you mess up.
If they never forget that one time you let them down but constantly forget their own promises, it’s not about memory. They’re keeping score of your mistakes while dismissing their own. It’s a sign they care more about what you do for them than vice versa.
7. They’re suddenly “forgetful” when it’s time to help.
If they always seem to “forget” when you need a favour but remember clearly when they need something from you, it’s convenient forgetfulness. They might be using “I forgot” as an excuse to avoid helping out.
8. They remember details about other people.
If they can recall intricate details about their other friends’ lives but consistently forget important things about you, it’s about interest. We tend to remember things about people we’re invested in. If you’re always the one being forgotten, you might not be a priority.
9. They forget plans at the last minute.
Occasionally forgetting plans happens, but if it’s a pattern, especially with last-minute cancellations, it’s likely they’re not valuing your time. They might be keeping their options open or simply not caring enough to honour commitments.
10. They remember when you’ve changed your appearance.
If they notice immediately when you’ve got a new haircut but “forget” important conversations you’ve had, it’s selective attention. They’re capable of noticing details when they want to, which suggests their forgetfulness in other areas is a choice.
11. They forget things you’ve told them repeatedly.
If you’ve mentioned something multiple times, and they still “forget,” it’s likely they’re not listening. When we care about someone, we make an effort to remember the things that are important to them, even if we have to be reminded a couple of times.
12. They remember to ask for favours.
Source: Unsplash If they never forget to ask you for help or favours but often forget to return them, it’s not forgetfulness. They’re remembering what’s important to them. It’s a sign that they might be taking advantage of your kindness.
13. They forget important details about your relationship.
Forgetting key moments or important aspects of your relationship isn’t just poor memory. These are the things people typically cherish and remember. Consistently forgetting these details might mean they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are.
14. They remember their excuses perfectly.
If they always have a clear, detailed explanation for why they forgot something, it’s suspicious. Genuine forgetfulness usually comes with some confusion. If they’ve got their story straight every time they forget, it might be because they’re prepared with excuses for not caring enough to remember.
