Some people seem to operate from a base level of hostility for no real reason.
Everyone around them is relaxed and not having any drama, but then this person comes in and is overly confrontational for no real reason. You can always spot people like this easily because these things tend to come out of their mouths.
1. “I’m just telling it like it is.”
This one usually pops up right after they’ve said something unnecessarily rude. It’s their way of justifying hurtful comments under the guise of “honesty.” Sure, being straightforward is fine, but there’s a way to be honest without being hurtful. Somehow, they missed the memo that honesty doesn’t have to be cruel.
2. “You’re way too emotional.”
Instead of taking responsibility for whatever rude thing they’ve just said, they turn it around and make you the problem. It’s not that they’ve been out of line — no, it’s you who’s overreacting. It’s a classic move to avoid accountability and makes you feel like you’re wrong just for having normal human emotions.
3. “I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
Really? Because people who say this usually care a lot about how other people see them. It’s a way of sounding tough while pretending they’re above it all, but it’s mostly a front. Caring what people think — within reason — is part of being a decent, self-aware person.
4. “That’s just how I am. Take it or leave it.”
Translation: “I’m not willing to improve or reflect on my behaviour.” It’s a lazy excuse for bad behaviour, basically saying they’ve given up on personal growth. Everyone’s got flaws, but hiding behind “this is just me” is a cop-out, and they know it.
5. “You’re blowing this way out of proportion.”
When someone says this, what they really mean is they don’t want to deal with the fallout from their actions. It’s a quick way to dismiss your feelings and make you doubt your own reaction. Pro tip: if you keep hearing this, it’s probably not you who’s overreacting.
6. “I’m not yelling, this is just how I talk.”
If multiple people think you’re yelling, chances are you are. This is something aggressive people say when they’re refusing to acknowledge how they come across to other people. Maybe it’s time to get a little self-awareness and realise that tone and volume matter.
7. “You need to grow a thicker skin.”
This one’s a favourite of people who don’t want to adjust their behaviour. It’s easier to tell you to get thicker skin than to reflect on why they’re being overly aggressive. It’s a way of shifting the blame and keeping themselves in the clear while everyone else has to deal with the fallout.
8. “I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”
Are they, though? More often than not, they’re saying something unnecessary or mean and just using “everyone” as a cover. If other people were thinking it, they’d probably find a much kinder way to express it. This one’s just an excuse to get away with being rude.
9. “You just can’t handle the truth.”
Cue the dramatic sigh. This is usually followed by a hurtful comment that didn’t need to be said. They try to make it sound like they’re doing you a favour by being “honest,” but really, they’re just being mean. The truth doesn’t have to sting if it’s delivered with respect.
10. “I’m not angry, I’m passionate.”
Being passionate is one thing, but aggression under the guise of passion is something else. It’s a common excuse when people are called out for crossing a line — as if their “passion” justifies making everyone around them uncomfortable. Passionate people don’t need to bulldoze people to get their point across.
11. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This one’s all about minimising the impact of their behaviour. If they downplay it, they don’t have to face the consequences. What’s a big deal to someone else should be considered with respect, not brushed off like it’s nothing.
12. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
Why is it that the devil always seems to need an advocate? Usually, this is just an excuse to stir the pot and create conflict without taking responsibility for it. Sometimes, people don’t need a “challenging perspective” — they just need to have a conversation without someone fanning the flames for fun.
13. “You need to man up.”
Source: Unsplash Not only is this phrase aggressive, but it’s also loaded with toxic stereotypes. It’s usually a way of shutting down someone’s feelings and telling them to suppress their emotions. In reality, toughening up isn’t the solution — treating people with respect is.
14. “I’m not bossy, I’m just in charge.”
Source: Unsplash No, you’re probably just bossy. Real leaders don’t need to assert dominance to get things done. The best leaders inspire and motivate people, not bulldoze them. If someone constantly has to remind you they’re in charge, they probably don’t have the skills to back it up.
15. “You’re either with me or against me.”
Source: Unsplash Ah, the classic black-and-white ultimatum. It’s an aggressive person’s way of trying to simplify a situation to their advantage. The world doesn’t work like that — there’s nuance in almost everything, and being forced to pick sides is just a manipulative tactic to avoid compromise.
16. “I don’t have time for this.”
Sure, we’re all busy, but this phrase is usually used to shut down important conversations. It’s a dismissive way of saying that someone else’s concerns aren’t worth their time. If something’s important to someone, it’s worth making time for — no matter how packed your schedule is.
17. “You’re messing with the wrong person.”
This one’s trying way too hard to sound intimidating. It’s the verbal equivalent of a puffed-up chest, and it’s usually a sign of insecurity masquerading as toughness. Genuinely strong people don’t need to make threats — their presence speaks for itself.
