Just because someone is old enough to have children doesn’t mean they’re mature enough to handle it.
Parenting is one of the hardest jobs anyone can ever have, and being raised by a mum or dad who are still quite childish and undeveloped emotionally can be devastating. If this was your experience growing up, chances are you have these habits now.
1. You apologise for having needs.
Any time you ask for help, you’re flooded with guilt, like needing something is somehow “too much.” When you’re sick or need support, you find yourself justifying it to avoid feeling like a burden. Growing up, you probably got the message that your needs were inconvenient, so now, every “I need” comes wrapped in unnecessary apologies.
2. You’re hyper-aware of people’s moods.
You pick up on the slightest shift in someone’s mood or body language—almost like an alarm going off in your head. Changes in expression or tone stand out to you, often before anyone else even notices. This hyperawareness likely started as a survival skill and has now become a natural way you navigate interactions, always tuned into the “vibe” of the room.
3. You’re the eternal peacekeeper.
Any tension in a group makes you want to jump in and smooth things over. Conflict makes your stomach churn, so you try to fix things before they can blow up. Since you grew up handling everyone’s emotions, it’s become second nature to take on that role, even at the expense of your own peace.
4. Your achievements don’t feel fulfilling.
When you reach a goal or achieve something big, you feel more anxiety than happiness. Celebrating your success feels awkward, and you mentally downplay your wins. You learned early on that accomplishments either didn’t matter to your parents or became about them, so now, every “win” feels incomplete.
5. You parent your friends and partners.
People seem to turn to you for support, advice, and problem-solving, and you find yourself taking care of their needs before your own. Being the “responsible one” started young, and you never really stopped. Taking on that role feels natural, but self-care still feels like unfamiliar territory.
6. Decisions leave you feeling paralysed.
Whether it’s ordering food or making plans, small choices can leave you feeling frozen. You second-guess yourself constantly, afraid of making the wrong move. Growing up, you probably had your decisions overlooked or criticised, making it hard to trust your own judgment now.
7. You feel responsible for everyone’s feelings.
If someone’s in a bad mood, you immediately wonder if it’s your fault. You take it on yourself to “fix” people’s feelings, just like you may have had to do with your parents. Managing the emotions of those around you feels like second nature—even when it’s draining.
8. You dismiss your own feelings.
Expressing emotions like sadness or anger doesn’t feel safe, and you might feel ashamed for even having them. Whether you were dismissed or punished for showing emotions as a kid, you learned to bury them. Showing any kind of strong emotion feels uncomfortable and wrong.
9. You’re exhausted by neediness in other people.
Anyone who seems overly needy or emotionally demanding sets off your alarm bells. Growing up constantly managing someone else’s emotions left you feeling wary of similar behaviour in friends or partners. You crave alone time to recharge, and anyone too clingy feels overwhelming.
10. You overthink everything.
After every interaction, you replay it in your mind, analysing every word and gesture. Texts get drafted and redrafted, and social situations feel like something you have to “debrief” for hours after. Growing up, you probably learned to scrutinise every detail to avoid negative reactions, so now, overthinking feels like a habit you can’t shake.
11. You don’t trust good things.
When something nice happens, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Compliments or kind gestures make you nervous, and happy moments feel like they’re setting you up for disappointment. You learned early that joy often had hidden costs, so it’s hard to just enjoy the good without the anxiety.
12. Talking about yourself feels wrong.
Discussing your successes or achievements feels uncomfortable, even in places like job interviews where it’s expected. You might feel awkward accepting praise, as if shining a light on yourself could somehow backfire. As a kid, either your accomplishments were ignored, or they were twisted to serve someone else, so self-promotion still feels unnatural.
13. Self-reliance is your armour.
Asking for help isn’t just hard; it feels nearly impossible. Depending on anyone else makes you anxious, so you handle everything alone, even when it’s overwhelming. Growing up without dependable support, you built independence into your identity, and now, letting someone else in feels like a risk.
14. You attract emotional vampires.
People who need constant support or like to unload their problems tend to gravitate toward you. It’s like they sense you’re willing to listen, but these exchanges rarely feel balanced. Setting boundaries feels foreign because you’ve always been the emotional caretaker, even if it leaves you feeling drained.
15. You feel older than your age.
Fun often feels frivolous, and “childhood” seems like something you never really got to experience. You were dealing with adult issues before you were ready, so the carefree parts of growing up didn’t happen for you. This “forced maturity” still shapes how you approach life, often with a sense of seriousness.
16. You doubt your reality.
You question your recollection of events, and even your feelings don’t seem real without outside validation. When parents consistently rewrite reality, it becomes hard to trust your own mind. Now, you’re left second-guessing yourself, wondering if you remember things “correctly” or if your experiences are even valid.
