If you grew up trying to be the “good child,” some of those habits might have stuck with you into adulthood.
You always listened to your parents and tried to make them proud, whether because you felt the pressure to be perfect or you felt you had to earn their affection by pleasing them at all times. Unfortunately, while it might seem harmless since you’re all grown up now and believe you’ve moved on, this complex can create challenges later in life. Here are signs it’s still affecting you as an adult.
1. You struggle to say no.
As a kid, you probably found it easier to say yes to avoid causing trouble. Now, you might find yourself agreeing to things you don’t want to do because it feels uncomfortable to say no. This often leads to overcommitting, leaving you stressed and drained.
2. You avoid conflict like the plague, even when it’s necessary.
If you were praised for being agreeable, you might still avoid conflict like it’s the plague. Rather than speaking your mind, you stay quiet to keep the peace. In the long run, this can lead to resentment and unspoken frustrations that build up over time.
3. You feel responsible for other people’s happiness.
Growing up, you may have felt it was your job to keep everyone around you happy. Now, you might go out of your way to make sure everyone else is comfortable, even when it costs you your own emotional well-being. You put their needs ahead of your own, even when it’s exhausting.
4. You need constant approval from authority figures.
Source: Unsplash As a “good child,” you were likely praised by teachers or parents. As an adult, you may find yourself still seeking validation from authority figures, like your boss or mentors. This constant need for approval can hold you back from making decisions for yourself.
5. You’re a perfectionist.
Source: Unsplash You might have been rewarded for doing things perfectly as a child. Now, as an adult, that need for perfection can show up in your work and personal life. You feel like any mistake will reflect poorly on you, which can lead to anxiety and burnout.
6. You struggle with criticism.
Source: Pexels As someone who was used to praise, criticism can feel like a personal attack. Instead of seeing feedback as a way to improve, you might take it as a sign that you’re not good enough. This fear of criticism can make you overly cautious or defensive.
7. You often put other people’s needs ahead of your own.
Being a good child often meant putting other people first, and that habit can be hard to break. Even when you’re exhausted or overwhelmed, you might still prioritise other people’s needs over your own. This can lead to burnout and feeling unappreciated.
8. You have a hard time relaxing.
If you were constantly praised for being productive as a child, you might feel guilty when you take time to relax. Instead of enjoying downtime, you might feel like you’re being lazy or unproductive. This can make it hard to truly unwind and recharge.
9. You avoid taking risks.
Being a “good child” often meant staying safe and following the rules. Now, as an adult, you might shy away from taking risks because you’re afraid of failure or disappointing other people. This fear can hold you back from pursuing new opportunities or experiences.
10. You downplay your accomplishments.
As a child, you might have been taught not to brag or draw too much attention to yourself. Now, you might struggle to celebrate your successes or even acknowledge them. This can make you feel overlooked or undervalued, even when you’ve worked hard.
11. You feel guilty when you put yourself first.
Putting yourself first might feel selfish if you’ve spent your life putting everyone else ahead of you. Even when you know you need a break or time for yourself, guilt creeps in. This can make it hard to set boundaries and prioritise your own needs.
12. You’re overly concerned with being liked.
As a child, being liked was a big part of being seen as “good.” Now, you might find yourself going out of your way to be liked by everyone, even when it’s exhausting. This need for approval can lead you to compromise your values or overextend yourself.
13. You hesitate to ask for help.
Being the “good child” might have meant handling things on your own. Now, you might feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness or failure. This can make it harder to reach out when you need support, leaving you feeling isolated or overwhelmed.
14. You find it hard to express your needs.
Growing up, you might have learned to suppress your own needs to avoid being seen as demanding or difficult. Now, you might struggle to speak up about what you want or need in relationships or at work. This can lead to unmet needs and dissatisfaction.
