A good partner should always have your back, both in public and in private.
However, if you’re with someone who either doesn’t support you or outright goes against you in front of other people, leaving you feeling embarrassed and even a bit humiliated, that’s completely unacceptable. If you end up in this situation, don’t just put up with it — do these things instead.
1. Recognise and accept that it’s not okay.
First things first: public humiliation isn’t cool, funny, or normal in a healthy relationship. If your partner’s doing this, it’s a problem. Don’t brush it off or make excuses for them. It’s important to acknowledge that this behaviour isn’t acceptable. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, both in private and in public.
2. Address it in private.
Wait until you’re alone to bring it up. Calling them out in public might lead to more drama. Find a quiet moment and say something like, “Hey, when you said X earlier, it really embarrassed me. Can we talk about that?” This approach gives both of you the space to have an honest conversation without the pressure of an audience.
3. Use “I” statements.
Instead of saying “You’re such a jerk,” try “I feel hurt when you make jokes about me in front of our friends.” You’re less likely to put your partner on the defensive and more likely to get them to listen. It also helps you express your emotions clearly without attacking your partner’s character.
4. Be specific about what bothers you.
Don’t just say, “You always embarrass me.” Point out exact situations. Like, “When you told everyone about my cooking disaster at the dinner party, it made me feel really small.” It helps your partner understand exactly what’s not okay. Being specific also makes it harder for them to dismiss your concerns or claim they don’t know what you’re talking about.
5. Listen to their side.
Maybe they didn’t realise how their words affected you. Or perhaps they’re dealing with their own insecurities. Give them a chance to explain, but remember, understanding their perspective doesn’t mean you have to accept the behaviour. Active listening can lead to deeper understanding and potentially help both of you address the root of the problem.
6. Set clear boundaries.
Let your partner know what’s off-limits in public. Be clear about what topics or types of jokes are not okay to share with other people. It’s your life, and you get to decide what’s private. Don’t be afraid to be firm about your boundaries — they’re crucial for maintaining your self-respect and the health of your relationship.
7. Develop a signal.
Come up with a discreet signal you can use in public if your partner starts to cross the line. It could be a word or a gesture that means “Hey, you’re doing it again, please stop.” This can help nip problematic behaviour in the bud without causing a scene or embarrassing either of you further.
8. Don’t stoop to their level.
It might be tempting to fire back with your own humiliating comments, but that’ll just make things worse. Take the high road, even if it’s tough. Maintaining your integrity preserves your self-respect and sets a positive example for how you expect to be treated.
9. Get support from friends or family.
Talk to people you trust about what’s going on. They can offer outside perspective and emotional support. Plus, it’s good to have a network that’s got your back. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone can make a big difference in how you approach the situation.
10. Consider couples counselling.
If you’ve tried talking it out and nothing’s changing, it might be time to bring in a pro. A therapist can help you both communicate better and work through underlying issues. They can also provide tools and strategies to improve your relationship dynamics that you might not have thought of on your own.
11. Work on your self-esteem.
Sometimes, we put up with bad behaviour because we don’t think we deserve better. Spoiler alert: you do! Focus on building your confidence. Maybe try a new hobby or set some personal goals. Remember, the stronger you feel about yourself, the less likely you are to tolerate disrespectful behaviour from anyone else.
12. Have an exit strategy.
If you’re in a situation where your partner starts humiliating you, have a plan to leave if needed. It could be as simple as saying, “I’m not feeling well, I need to go home.” Having this plan can give you a sense of control and help you avoid feeling trapped in uncomfortable situations.
13. Document the incidents.
Keep a record of when these things happen. It’s not about keeping score, but it can help you spot patterns and have concrete examples if you need them later. This documentation can also help you reflect on the frequency and severity of the incidents, which might be eye-opening.
14. Don’t make excuses for them.
If friends or family point out your partner’s behaviour, resist the urge to defend them. It’s okay to say, “Yeah, that wasn’t cool. We’re working on it.” Admitting the problem to other people can help you stay accountable to yourself and your own feelings about the situation.
15. Know when enough is enough.
If your partner refuses to change or acknowledge the problem, it might be time to rethink the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who builds you up, not tears you down. Remember, it’s better to be single than to be in a relationship that constantly diminishes your self-worth.
16. Remember, it’s not your fault.
Last, but definitely not least: your partner’s behaviour is on them, not you. You’re not responsible for their actions, and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Recognsing this can be empowering and is often the first step towards making positive changes in your life.
