Forgiveness is important in any long-term relationship, especially since everyone messes up sometimes.
However, no matter how accommodating or lenient you are, there are some behaviours that don’t necessarily deserve your forgiveness. Sure, you love them and want to give them the benefit of the doubt, but these offences are deal-breakers — there’s nothing noble about overlooking them and giving the other person another chance.
1. They’re physically abusive towards you.
Physical violence is never acceptable in any relationship. It doesn’t matter if it happens once or repeatedly; physical abuse is a serious breach of trust and safety. This behaviour often escalates over time and can have long-lasting psychological effects.
2. They’re emotionally abusive or manipulative.
Emotional abuse, including constant criticism, gaslighting, or manipulation, can be just as damaging as physical abuse. This behaviour destroys your self-esteem and mental health over time, and it’s a form of control that shouldn’t be tolerated in any loving relationship.
3. They’re unfaithful and unrepentant.
While some couples can work through infidelity, repeated cheating or a lack of remorse for their actions shows a fundamental lack of respect for you and the relationship. It’s clear they don’t care about your feelings and the commitment you share.
4. They lie to you constantly.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and persistent lying, whether about big issues or small details, destroys that trust. If someone consistently chooses dishonesty over truth, they’re showing that they don’t value your right to make informed decisions.
5. They disrespect your boundaries repeatedly.
Boundaries are a must for maintaining individuality and respect in a relationship. If someone consistently ignores or belittles your boundaries, they’re showing a lack of respect for your autonomy and wellness. What’s worse is that this behaviour often leads to feeling controlled or devalued, and you deserve better than that.
6. They’re addicted to substances and refuse help.
Addiction is a complex issue, but if someone refuses to acknowledge their problem or get help, it can be destructive to both them and those around them. Their refusal to address the issue shows a lack of commitment to their own health and the relationship as a whole, and you don’t have to stick around in that situation.
7. They’re financially abusive or exploitative.
Financial abuse, such as controlling all the money, forcing you into debt, or exploiting you financially, is a form of control and manipulation. It can leave you vulnerable and dependent, which is not a basis for a healthy, equal partnership. You should be equal partners; one person should never call all the shots.
8. They’re verbally abusive.
Constant yelling, name-calling, or using degrading language is never acceptable. Verbal abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse, causing long-lasting emotional scars. It’s a clear sign of disrespect and a lack of regard for your feelings.
9. They threaten you or your loved ones.
Threats of any kind, whether physical, emotional, or otherwise, are a serious form of abuse. They do this to control you through fear — no one who truly loves you would ever threaten your safety or the safety of those you care about.
10. They isolate you from friends and family.
Attempting to cut you off from your support network is a classic tactic of abusers. It’s meant to make you dependent on them and is a red flag for controlling and potentially abusive relationships. Healthy partners encourage outside relationships, as I’m sure you’re aware.
11. They’re consistently jealous and possessive.
While occasional jealousy can be normal, constant possessiveness and jealousy are toxic. It tells you that they’re insecure, and that can lead to controlling behaviour that escalates over time. It also shows a lack of trust and respect for your autonomy.
12. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
Someone who never admits fault or always blames other people for their mistakes is showing a lack of maturity and accountability. Eventually, you realise you’re in a one-sided relationship where you’re always the one apologising or making amends, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
13. They disrespect or abuse your children.
If you have children, their safety and well-being should be a top priority. Any form of abuse or persistent disrespect towards your children is unforgivable. A loving partner should support and care for your family, not harm them. Get out right away if this is happening.
14. They share intimate details or images without your consent.
Sharing private information or intimate images without your permission is a severe breach of trust and privacy. This toxic (and frankly illegal) behaviour shows a complete lack of respect for your boundaries and can have serious long-term consequences.
15. They gaslight you regularly.
Gaslighting, or making you question your own reality, is a particularly insidious form of emotional abuse. It can make you doubt your own perceptions and memories, which is deeply damaging to your mental health and self-esteem.
16. They pressure you into sexual activities you’re uncomfortable with.
Respect for sexual boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Pressuring or coercing you into doing things in the bedroom that you’re not comfortable with is a form of sexual abuse. A loving partner should always respect your right to consent and your boundaries.
