There’s a lot of talk about the importance of setting boundaries, but if you’re anything like me, you might be confused about what that even looks like.
The reality is that we all have our own unique limitations in life, and no two people’s boundaries will be the same. That being said, when you’re dealing with a toxic person, there are certain ones that need to be in place for the sake of your mental and emotional health, and even your physical well-being. Stick to these like glue and don’t let the toxic person cross them under any circumstances.
1. Limit the time you spend with them.
It’s important to control how much exposure you have to toxic behaviour, so set clear limits on the duration and frequency of your interactions. That might mean shorter visits or less frequent phone calls — only you know for sure. Either way, you’re not obligated to be available whenever they demand your time.
2. Don’t engage in their drama.
Toxic people often thrive on creating and sustaining drama, so make it clear that you won’t be drawn into their conflicts or gossip. When they try to involve you, politely but firmly change the subject or excuse yourself from the conversation.
3. Refuse to be their emotional dumping ground.
While it’s kind to listen to friends in need, toxic people may try to offload all their negative emotions onto you. Set a boundary that you’re not always available to hear about their problems, especially if they’re not taking steps to address them.
4. Don’t tolerate disrespect.
Make it clear that you won’t accept rude or disrespectful behaviour. This includes name-calling, belittling, or dismissive comments. If they cross this line, calmly inform them that their behaviour is unacceptable and remove yourself from the situation if necessary.
5. Maintain your privacy.
Toxic people often pry into other people’s lives and may use personal information against you, so be very selective about what you share. It’s okay to keep certain aspects of your life private, even from family members or long-time acquaintances.
6. Don’t let them dictate your choices.
Toxic people might try to control your decisions or criticise your choices, but forget that. Establish a boundary that your life choices are your own. Make it clear that while you may listen to advice, the final decisions about your life rest with you.
7. Avoid being their constant source of help.
While it’s good to be helpful, toxic people may take advantage of your generosity. Set limits on how often and in what ways you’re willing to help. It’s okay to say no to requests that drain your resources or energy. They’re adults and need to be responsible for their own lives.
8. Don’t accept guilt trips.
Toxic people often use guilt as a manipulation tactic, so it’s important to recognise when someone is trying to make you feel guilty and refuse to engage with it. Remind yourself that you’re not responsible for their emotions or problems.
9. Protect your personal space.
If the toxic person is someone who lives nearby or tends to drop in uninvited, set clear boundaries about your personal space. Make it known that they need to call before visiting, and respect your right to say no to impromptu gatherings.
10. Keep your finances separate.
Never mix finances with toxic people under any circumstances. Refuse to lend money or co-sign loans, no matter how compelling their story might be. Make it clear that your financial dealings are separate and not up for discussion.
11. Don’t compromise your values.
Toxic people might pressure you to engage in behaviours that go against your principles. Stand firm in your values and make it clear that you won’t compromise them for anyone, regardless of their relationship to you.
12. Maintain your other relationships.
Toxic people often try to isolate you from other supportive people in your life, so set a boundary that your other relationships are off-limits to their interference or criticism. Make time for positive relationships, even if the toxic person disapproves.
13. Protect your mental health.
If interactions with this person consistently leave you feeling drained or upset, it’s important to limit your exposure for your mental health. Make self-care a priority and don’t let their needs constantly override your own emotional health.
14. Don’t engage in their negative way of seeing the world.
Toxic people often have a pessimistic outlook and may try to drag you into their negative mindset. Set a boundary that you won’t participate in constant complaining or negative talk. Steer conversations towards more positive topics when possible.
15. Refuse to keep their secrets.
Toxic people might try to swear you to secrecy about their harmful behaviours, but make it clear that you won’t keep secrets that put you or others at risk. Your integrity and well-being come before their desire for secrecy.
16. Don’t let them violate your digital boundaries.
Given that we’re all constantly connected 24/7 thanks to technology, it’s important to set digital boundaries too. This might mean not accepting their social media friend requests, limiting their access to your online content, or setting do-not-disturb hours for messages and calls. You can even block them if necessary!
17. Maintain the right to walk away.
Perhaps the most important boundary is recognising your right to distance yourself or even end the relationship if necessary. Make it clear that continued toxic behaviour may result in you limiting or ending contact. Remember, you have the right to protect yourself, even if it means stepping away from the relationship.
