No one gives better advice than a mother.
Most mums have been through a lot in life, and they’ve learned some important lessons over the years, making them great at giving guidance and support to their kids. However, there are certain things they might say to their daughters in particular that are more harmful than helpful. Here are a few phrases that should never be said.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Ever been told you’re too sensitive? It’s a bit of a gut punch, right? This phrase makes your daughter doubt her feelings, as if she’s overreacting when really, she’s just feeling how she feels. Everyone processes emotions differently. Instead of brushing her off, take a moment to acknowledge her feelings. Let her know it’s okay to feel deeply and that there’s nothing wrong with her emotions.
2. “You’d be prettier if you lost weight.”
Comments about weight stick. Telling your daughter this might make her think she’s not good enough as she is. Society already pushes unrealistic beauty standards, so hearing it at home can be devastating. Rather than focusing on weight, why not encourage healthy habits? Let her know beauty isn’t defined by a number on the scale. It’s all about self-love and confidence, no matter what her size or shape.
3. “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?” creates unhealthy comparisons.
Comparing siblings is like lighting a fuse — it fosters resentment and damages self-esteem. Your daughter might start feeling like she’s never enough. Every child is different, with their own strengths and struggles. Instead of comparisons, try focusing on what makes her unique. Celebrate what she brings to the table. That’s where her real power lies.
4. “You’ll understand when you’re a mother.”
This one’s tricky because it dismisses everything she’s going through now. Sure, parenthood can bring new perspectives, but that doesn’t mean her feelings or experiences are any less valid. Instead of saying she’ll “get it” someday, respect what she’s feeling right now. Show her that her current viewpoints matter, whether or not she decides to become a mum later in life.
5. “Don’t be bossy.”
When girls show leadership qualities, they often get labelled “bossy,” while boys might be seen as assertive. But why hold her back? Instead of discouraging her, help her learn how to lead effectively and respectfully. Girls need to know it’s okay to take charge—there’s nothing wrong with having a strong voice. In fact, the world needs more female leaders!
6. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
It’s easy to say this when you think someone could be doing better, but this can feel like a slap in the face, especially if your daughter’s already trying her best. Maybe it’s not about effort, but about the approach. Instead of criticising, ask her what’s going on. What’s challenging her? Help her problem-solve and support her efforts without making her feel like a failure.
7. “You’ll never find a partner if you keep acting like that.”
This one really stings because it makes her think that her worth is tied to finding a partner. But the truth is, her value is so much more than her relationship status. Encourage her to focus on being her authentic self. The right people will appreciate her for who she is, quirks and all. She deserves to be loved for being herself, not for fitting some mould.
8. “I wish I had your body when I was your age.”
While it might sound like a compliment, this comment can actually make your daughter feel awkward about her body. Instead of commenting on physical appearances, focus on health and feeling strong. Teach her to appreciate her body for what it can do, not just what it looks like. This promotes self-confidence and a healthier relationship with her body.
9. “You’re turning into your father.”
Using this as a criticism does more harm than good. Your daughter doesn’t need to feel like she’s inheriting someone’s “bad” traits. If something’s bothering you, try addressing it directly without pulling family members into the mix. We all get traits from our parents—good and bad. But focusing on personal behaviour, rather than comparisons, is a much healthier approach.
10. “I sacrificed everything for you.”
Parenting does come with sacrifices, but reminding your daughter of this can make her feel guilty. She shouldn’t be carrying that weight. Instead, model healthy boundaries and self-care. It’s okay to show her that taking care of yourself is just as important as looking after other people. That way, she learns balance, not guilt.
11. “You’re so smart, you don’t need to study.”
While you might mean this as a compliment, it could set her up to think effort isn’t necessary. Intelligence is great, but it’s hard work and dedication that really drive success. Encourage her to keep learning and growing, no matter how naturally smart she is. After all, even the brightest minds put in the hours.
12. “You’re overreacting.”
This can feel dismissive and invalidating. If she’s reacting strongly, there’s probably something behind it. Instead of shutting her down, try understanding why she feels so strongly. By validating her emotions, you’re helping her process them, rather than making her feel like her feelings are wrong.
13. “You’ll regret not having children.”
The decision to have kids is a deeply personal one. Pressuring her about it could make her feel like she’s letting you down or making the wrong choice. Everyone’s path is different, and that’s okay. Support her decisions, even if they don’t match what you envisioned for her. After all, her life is hers to live.
14. “You’re just like me.”
Source: Unsplash This can be a bonding sentiment, but it might also make her feel like she’s living in your shadow. While it’s great to share common ground, let her know she’s free to carve her own path and become her own person. Encourage her to embrace her own interests, strengths, and identity.
