If you’ve ever dealt with someone who’s slippier than a snake, you know all too well how frustrating it can be.
All you want them to do is answer a question, yet they give you a runaround and talk about everything but the thing you need to know. Sometimes you’re not sure if they’re doing it on purpose or if they really are struggling to just get to the point. Either way, you don’t have to put up with it. If someone’s refusing to give you a straight answer, here’s how to handle it.
1. Call them out on it, politely.
Sometimes, the direct approach is best. Let them know you’ve noticed they’re not giving you a clear answer. You could say something like, “I feel like we’re dancing around the issue here. Can we talk about this more directly?” You’re not being confrontational, but you do want to set the tone for honest communication.
2. Ask specific, closed-ended questions.
If someone’s being vague, try asking questions that require a yes or no answer. It’s harder to dodge these. Instead of “What do you think about the project?” try “Do you agree with the project timeline?” This forces them to take a clearer stance. Just be careful not to turn it into an interrogation.
3. Repeat their answer back to them.
Sometimes, hearing their own words can make people realise they’re being unclear. Try saying, “So, if I understand correctly, you’re saying…” and then repeat what you think they said. This gives them a chance to clarify if you’ve misunderstood, or to realise they need to be clearer.
4. Set a deadline for a definitive answer.
If the issue is time-sensitive, it’s okay to set a deadline. You could say, “I understand if you need time to think about it, but I’ll need an answer by Friday.” This puts a bit of pressure on them to make a decision, without being pushy. Just make sure the deadline is reasonable.
5. Try to understand why they’re being evasive.
There might be a reason they’re not giving you a straight answer. Are they afraid of conflict? Unsure of the facts? Trying to protect someone’s feelings? Understanding their motivation can help you approach the situation more effectively. You might even ask them directly, “Is there a reason you’re hesitant to give me a clear answer on this?”
6. Don’t fill in the blanks for them.
When someone’s being vague, it’s tempting to try to guess what they mean. Resist this urge. If you start filling in the gaps, they might just go along with your interpretation, even if it’s not accurate. Let the silence be uncomfortable if need be. It’s their responsibility to explain themselves clearly.
7. Stay calm and patient.
Getting frustrated won’t help the situation. Even if you’re annoyed, try to keep your cool. Take a deep breath if you need to. Remember, the goal is to get a clear answer, not to win an argument. Patience can often get you further than pressure.
8. Use the “broken record” technique.
If they keep dodging the question, it’s okay to keep asking it. You don’t need to rephrase or explain yourself again. Just calmly repeat your original question. This technique can be surprisingly effective. Just be prepared for it to feel a bit awkward — that’s normal.
9. Give them options to choose from.
Sometimes people struggle to give a straight answer because they’re overwhelmed by possibilities. Try narrowing it down for them. “Would you prefer option A, B, or C?” This can make it easier for them to commit to a response. Just be sure the options you’re presenting are actually relevant and helpful.
10. Put it in writing.
If verbal communication isn’t working, try switching to email or text. Some people find it easier to give direct answers in writing. Plus, it gives them time to think about their response. This can also create a record of the conversation, which can be useful if there’s any confusion later.
11. Consider the possibility that they genuinely don’t know.
Sometimes, what seems like evasiveness might actually be uncertainty. They might be struggling to give you a straight answer because they don’t have one. In this case, it’s okay to ask, “Is this something you’re unsure about?” If so, you can work together to find the information needed to make a decision.
12. Know when to let it go.
There comes a point where pushing for an answer becomes counterproductive. If you’ve tried multiple approaches, and they’re still being evasive, it might be time to step back. You could say, “I understand you’re not ready to give me a clear answer on this. Let’s table it for now and come back to it later.” Sometimes, giving people space can lead to clearer communication down the line.
13. Explain the impact of their vagueness.
Sometimes, people don’t realise how their lack of clarity affects other people. Try explaining the consequences of not having a straight answer. “Without a clear answer on this, we can’t move forward with the project, which could delay our deadline.” This can help them understand why you’re pushing for clarity.
14. Ask other people for their input if appropriate.
If this is a work or group situation, and the person consistently won’t give you a straight answer, it might be worth bringing in other people. This isn’t about ganging up on them, but about getting the information you need. You could say, “Since we’re having trouble nailing this down, maybe we should discuss it as a team.” Just be sure this won’t be seen as going over their head or breaking confidence.
