When you’ve been with someone for a long time, it’s easy to start subscribing to the idea that any effort is good effort.
However, that’s not actually the case. Relationships take work, whether you got together six months ago or six years. When people get comfortable and start taking each other for granted, things go downhill. As a result, sometimes we settle for far less than we deserve. Here are some blunt signs that your partner might be putting in only the bare minimum — and you’re letting them!
1. They only text when they need something.
If your phone only lights up with their name when they want a favour or have a problem, it’s a clear sign of minimal effort. Communication in a healthy relationship should be consistent and driven by a desire to connect, not just when it’s convenient for them.
2. They forget important dates.
Consistently forgetting your birthday, anniversary, or other significant dates shows a lack of investment in the relationship. While everyone can be forgetful occasionally, repeatedly missing important milestones suggests they’re not making you a priority.
3. They never initiate plans.
Source: Unsplash If you’re always the one suggesting dates or activities, it’s a sign they’re not putting in effort. A partner who cares should also be eager to spend time with you and come up with ideas for shared experiences. It’s really not that hard — and if it is, the relationship may have run its course.
4. They’re always ‘too busy’ for your interests.
Source: Unsplash When your partner never has time for the things you enjoy but expects you to engage in their hobbies, it’s a one-sided situation. A caring partner makes an effort to participate in the things you like, even if they’re not naturally inclined towards them.
5. They don’t remember details about your life.
If your partner consistently forgets important details about your life, like your siblings’ names or your food allergies, it shows they’re not paying attention. Active listening and remembering are key components of showing care in a relationship. Do they even know anything about you?!
6. They only show affection when they want intimacy.
If physical affection only occurs as a prelude to intimacy, it’s a sign they’re putting in minimal effort. Genuine affection should be a regular part of your interactions, not just a means to an end. You’re never going to be in the right mood if you’re basically like strangers the rest of the time.
7. They never ask about your day.
A partner who doesn’t inquire about your daily experiences is showing little interest in your life. Asking about your day is a basic way of showing care and staying connected, and its absence is a red flag. Even if you have nothing to report, being asked would be nice!
8. They don’t put effort into their appearance for you.
While comfort is important, if your partner never makes an effort to look nice for dates or special occasions with you, it might indicate they’re taking you for granted. It’s not about looking perfect, but about showing that you’re worth making an effort for. Is it too much to ask that they shower and wear clothes they haven’t just picked up off the floor?
9. They don’t introduce you to important people in their life.
If you’ve been together for a while but haven’t met their friends or family, it could be a sign they’re not fully invested. Integrating you into their life is a way of showing commitment and value. This becomes more important the longer you’ve been together, too.
10. They don’t support your goals.
A partner putting in minimal effort won’t show much interest in your ambitions or offer support when you’re working towards them. They might even discourage you, showing they’re not invested in your growth and happiness.
11. They’re always on their phone when you’re together.
If your partner is constantly glued to their phone during your time together, it shows they’re not making an effort to be present with you. Quality time involves giving each other undivided attention. Is whatever’s happening on Reddit or their Instagram feed really all that riveting?
12. They don’t remember your preferences.
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s your coffee order or your favourite film, a partner who cares makes an effort to remember these details. Consistently forgetting your likes and dislikes shows a lack of attention and care. If they can’t even grab you a coffee without confirming whether you use oat milk or soy, that’s a problem.
13. They don’t make an effort to resolve conflicts.
If your partner always expects you to make the first move after an argument or never tries to find solutions to issues that keep cropping up, they’re putting in minimal effort. Conflict resolution should be a shared responsibility in a healthy relationship. You can’t solve problems on your own (nor should you have to).
14. They don’t express gratitude.
A partner who takes you for granted won’t often say ‘thank you’ for the things you do. Showing appreciation, even for small gestures, is an important way of acknowledging your partner’s efforts. It’s really not that hard.
15. They don’t make time for meaningful conversations.
If your interactions are always surface-level and your partner avoids deeper discussions about your relationship, future, or personal growth, they’re not investing emotionally in the relationship. Sure, things don’t need to be serious and heavy all the time, but if they never are, where’s the depth in your relationship?
16. They don’t compromise.
Source: Unsplash A relationship involves give and take. If your partner always insists on having their way and never meets you halfway, they’re not putting in the effort to create a balanced partnership. It can’t all be their way or the highway.
17. They don’t celebrate your achievements.
A partner who cares should be excited about your successes, big or small. If they’re indifferent or dismissive of your achievements, it shows they’re not fully invested in your happiness and growth. They should be your biggest cheerleader!
18. They don’t put effort into gifts or surprises.
While material things aren’t everything, thoughtful gifts or surprises show care and attention. If your partner consistently gives generic or last-minute gifts (or none at all), it probably means they’re not putting much thought into making you feel special.
19. They don’t make an effort with your friends or family.
A partner who cares about you should also make an effort with the important people in your life. If they’re consistently disinterested or rude to your loved ones, it can feel like they’re not all that invested in your world. Don’t they want to be part of your life?
20. They don’t show interest in your mental or emotional health.
If your partner doesn’t ask how you’re feeling or offer support when you’re going through tough times, they’re not putting in the emotional effort that a caring relationship requires. A committed partner should be there for you in both good times and bad.
