If there’s someone in your life who seems to think embarrassing you in public is their life’s work, I’m sorry.
It’s infuriating, demoralising, and totally unfair for someone to target you and repeatedly try to make you look bad in front of other people. However, you don’t have to stoop to their level or let them get to you. Here’s how to respond whenever this happens. Soon enough, they might just get bored and move on to their next victim.
1. Keep your cool and don’t show they’ve rattled you.
When someone’s trying to embarrass you, the last thing they want is for you to stay calm. So do just that. Take a deep breath, count to ten in your head if you need to, and keep your face neutral. It’s like water off a duck’s back — let their comments slide right off you. After all, a strong reaction is exactly what they’re after. By staying cool, you’re basically telling them their little game isn’t working.
2. Call out their behaviour on the spot.
Sometimes, the best defence is a good offence. If someone’s trying to embarrass you, call them out on it. You could say something like, “Wow, that sounded like you were trying to embarrass me. Is that what you were going for?” This puts the spotlight back on them and their behaviour. It’s a bit like holding up a mirror to their actions. Most people will back down when their intentions are laid bare like this.
3. Deflect their comments with a bit of humour.
Source: Unsplash If you can find a way to laugh at the situation, you’ll often come out on top. Try responding to their attempt at embarrassment with a joke or a witty comeback. This shows you’re not bothered and can even turn the tables on them. By doing this, you’re showing everyone that you’re quick on your feet and can’t be easily rattled. Plus, people are more likely to laugh with you than at you.
4. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
It’s important to let this person know their behaviour isn’t okay. Pull them aside when you’re not in front of other people and tell them clearly that you don’t appreciate their attempts to embarrass you. Be firm and specific about what they’re doing that bothers you. Then, if they do it again, remind them of the boundary you set. Consistency is key here. They need to know there are consequences for crossing your boundaries.
5. Don’t give them ammunition.
Sometimes, people who try to embarrass other people do so by using personal information against them. So, be careful about what you share with this person. Keep your cards close to your chest, especially when it comes to things you’re sensitive about. Think of it like playing poker — the less they know about your hand, the less they can use against you. This doesn’t mean you have to be secretive with everyone, just more cautious around this particular person.
6. Turn to your allies in the group.
Source: Unsplash Chances are, you’re not the only one who’s noticed this person’s behaviour. Talk to people in your social circle about what’s going on. They might be willing to back you up or call out the behaviour when they see it. You don’t have to face this alone. Plus, when other people start pointing out the inappropriate behaviour, it becomes harder for the embarrasser to continue without looking like the bad guy.
7. Use the “broken record” technique.
If someone keeps trying to embarrass you, try responding with the same phrase each time. Something like, “That’s an interesting way to see it” or “I’m not sure why you’d say that” can work well. Repeat this every time they try to embarrass you. Eventually, they’ll get bored of hearing the same response and might give up. This technique shows you’re not engaging with their attempts to rile you up.
8. Take the high road.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, the best response is to be the bigger person. When they try to embarrass you, respond with kindness or simply change the subject. This can throw them off balance — they’re expecting you to get upset or defensive, not to be nice or indifferent. It’s like in martial arts when you use your opponent’s energy against them. By not giving them the reaction they want, you’re taking away their power.
9. Use body language to your advantage.
Source: Unsplash Your non-verbal cues can speak volumes. Stand tall, make eye contact, and keep your body language open and confident. Even if you’re feeling embarrassed on the inside, projecting confidence on the outside can make a big difference because your body language becomes a shield against their attempts to embarrass you. Plus, confident body language can make you actually feel more confident, too.
10. Don’t be afraid to walk away.
Source: Unsplash If all else fails, remember that you always have the option to remove yourself from the situation. You don’t have to stick around and be someone’s punching bag. Politely excuse yourself and leave the conversation or the room if needed — you have the power to switch to a more positive situation. This sends a clear message that you won’t tolerate their behaviour.
11. Prepare some responses in advance.
If you know this person tends to target certain topics, prepare some responses ahead of time. This way, you’re not caught off guard in the moment, and you’re ready for the emergency before it happens. You could even practise these responses with a friend to help build your confidence. Being prepared can help you feel more in control of the situation.
12. Focus on the other people in the group.
When someone tries to embarrass you, shift your attention to the other people present. Engage them in conversation or ask for their opinion on something. This takes the focus off you and the person trying to embarrass you. As a result, the embarrasser’s attempts are likely to fall flat.
13. Use the “question” technique.
When they say something meant to embarrass you, respond with a question. Ask them why they said that, or what they mean by it. This puts them on the spot to explain their unkind behaviour. Suddenly, they’re the ones who have to come up with an answer. Often, they won’t have a good explanation and will back down.
14. Don’t take it personally.
Remember, their behaviour says more about them than it does about you. People who try to embarrass others often do so because of their own insecurities. Understanding this can help you not take their actions to heart. It’s like realising the school bully is actually the one with problems — it doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but it can help you not let it affect your self-esteem.
15. Get support outside the situation.
Talk to friends, family, or even a therapist about what’s happening. They can offer support, advice, and a fresh perspective on the situation. They can’t solve the problem for you, but they can help you stay in top form. Having a solid support system can boost your confidence and help you deal with the situation more effectively.
16. Know when it’s time to involve other people.
If this is happening in a work environment or the behaviour is becoming harassing, don’t hesitate to involve HR or a superior. In other settings, you might need to talk to the host of an event or the organiser of a group. Sometimes, you need an authority figure to step in and address the situation formally.
