You’ve cut ties with your ex after your breakup, but for some reason, they just won’t leave you alone.
You need time and space away from them to get your head around the relationship and to start the healing process, and you can’t do those things when your ex’s name is constantly popping up on your phone and in your inbox. Here’s how to kindly but firmly put them in their place and make it clear that their contact isn’t welcome right now (or potentially ever).
1. Be clear about what you want.
First things first, figure out what kind of contact you’re okay with, if any. Maybe the odd text is fine, but phone calls are a no-go. Or maybe you want no contact at all. Knowing your boundaries will help you communicate them confidently, and being honest with yourself is key.
2. Communicate your boundary directly.
When talking to your ex, be clear and direct—no beating around the bush. A simple “I need space and don’t want contact for a while” gets the point across. It’s better to be upfront and firm than leave any room for misunderstanding. You can be kind, but make sure you’re clear.
3. Explain why you’re setting this boundary.
Give them a short explanation to help them understand where you’re coming from. Something like, “I need space to heal and move forward,” is enough. You don’t need to go into a long explanation or blame them. Keep it simple and avoid getting pulled into a debate.
4. Be consistent.
Source: Unsplash Once you’ve set the boundary, you’ve got to stick with it. Don’t answer sometimes and ignore other times—this will just send mixed signals. If you say no contact, that means no contact, even if they’re just sending a birthday message. Consistency is important.
5. Let technology help you out.
Source: Unsplash Use your phone’s tools to create some distance. Block their number, put their texts on “Do Not Disturb,” or mute them on social media. This isn’t about being mean—it’s about protecting your mental health and giving yourself the space you need to heal.
6. Don’t feel like you have to explain everything.
Source: Unsplash You don’t owe them a detailed explanation of your feelings. If they push back, keep your responses short and sweet. The more you explain, the more likely they are to try to argue with you. You’re setting boundaries, not asking for permission.
7. Prepare for pushback.
Source: Unsplash Your ex might not like these new boundaries. They could get upset or try to guilt-trip you. Stay firm. If needed, calmly repeat your boundary. Their reaction isn’t your responsibility. You’re looking after yourself, and that’s what matters.
8. Lean on your support system.
Source: Unsplash Let your friends and family know what’s going on. They can support you and give you a boost when you feel like reaching out or when your ex is being persistent. Having someone to talk to can make a world of difference when things get tough.
9. Remember why you’re doing this.
Source: Unsplash Write down why you’re setting these boundaries—whether it’s to heal, move on, or stop repeating old patterns. Look back on this when you start second-guessing yourself. It’ll help you stay strong when things feel hard.
10. Be prepared to enforce consequences.
Source: Unsplash If your ex keeps ignoring your boundaries, it’s time to take action. This might mean blocking them entirely or, in more serious cases, looking into legal options like a restraining order. Make sure you follow through on any consequences you’ve laid out—don’t let empty threats undermine your boundaries.
