Everyone likes some reassurance now and then, but if you rely on it to get through your days and feel good about your life, there’s clearly a problem.
You should be able to validate and back yourself in life. If you can’t make decisions or feel confident in your relationships without people telling you that you’re on the right path, it’s a sign that you lack self-confidence and trust in your own judgement. Here are some signs you need a bit too much reassurance — if you can relate, it’s time to get to work!
1. You constantly ask for opinions on your decisions.
If you can’t make a choice without running it by several people first, you might be overly dependent on reassurance. This habit can make even simple decisions feel like a group project. You’re always texting friends about what to wear or which film to watch, unable to trust your own judgement, and that’s no way to live.
2. You fish for compliments all the time.
Dropping hints or making self-deprecating comments in the hope that other people will contradict you is a classic sign of craving reassurance. You probably say things like “This outfit looks terrible on me” or “I’m rubbish at my job” just to hear other people say the opposite. Needless to say, this behaviour can become exhausting for both you and the people around you.
3. You apologise excessively, even for small things.
Saying sorry for everything, including things that aren’t your fault, often stems from a need for reassurance. You might apologise for the weather, for someone else’s mistake, or for simply existing in a space. It’s probably because you want to maintain the peace and make sure people aren’t upset with you, even in situations where conflict is unlikely.
4. You struggle to accept compliments gracefully.
Source: Unsplash Paradoxically, while you might crave compliments, you find it hard to accept them when they come. In fact, you probably deflect praise or immediately counter it with self-criticism because you have a deep-seated insecurity and a need for even more validation. You question the sincerity of compliments, wondering if the person really means what they’re saying.
5. You chase validation on social media.
Constantly checking for likes, comments, and shares on your posts is a modern form of seeking reassurance. You may feel anxious if a post doesn’t get the engagement you hoped for, or find yourself refreshing your feed compulsively. Needless to say, this can become a time-consuming habit that affects your mood and self-esteem.
6. You need constant contact with your partner or friends.
If you feel anxious when you don’t hear from loved ones for a short while, it might be a sign of excessive reassurance-seeking. You might send multiple messages or call repeatedly if you don’t get an immediate response. This behaviour can strain relationships because people may feel smothered or unable to meet your need for constant contact.
7. You don’t trust your own abilities at work.
Constantly doubting your skills and needing approval from colleagues or superiors can definitely stand in the way of your professional growth. You triple check your work and/or ask for feedback on every task, no matter how small. Your lack of confidence in your abilities can prevent you from taking on new challenges or speaking up in meetings.
8. You often compare yourself to other people.
Regularly measuring yourself against friends, colleagues, or even strangers on social media is a form of seeking external validation. You likely feel inadequate if someone else seems more successful or happier than you, and that can lead to a constant feeling of not being good enough, driving you to seek even more reassurance from other people.
9. You have a hard time making decisions without other people’s input.
If the thought of making a choice on your own fills you with dread, you might be overly reliant on other people’s opinions. Your indecisiveness can extend to all areas of life, from major decisions like career moves to minor ones like what to have for dinner. You feel paralysed without external input, terrified you’ll make the wrong choice if left to your own devices.
10. You always ask “Are you mad at me?” or “Is everything okay?”
Constantly checking in on the status of your relationships is a clear sign of seeking reassurance. You tend to ask these questions even when there’s no indication of any problem. Of course, this can create tension in relationships, as other people may feel frustrated by the constant need to reaffirm their feelings or the state of your connection.
11. You struggle to accept uncertainty.
If ambiguity in any situation makes you extremely uncomfortable, you might be prone to excessive reassurance-seeking. You need to know exactly where you stand in relationships, at work, or in social situations at all times. Your need for certainty can lead to over-analysing situations and seeking constant clarification from other people.
12. You often replay conversations in your head, worrying about what you said.
Obsessing over past interactions and fretting about how you came across is another sign of craving reassurance. For example, you probably text friends after hanging out to make sure you didn’t offend anyone or say anything embarrassing. This habit can lead to social anxiety and a reluctance to engage in spontaneous conversations.
13. You have a strong fear of rejection or abandonment.
If the thought of someone leaving you or disapproving of you is particularly terrifying, you might seek excessive reassurance as a coping mechanism. You go to great lengths to please people, often at the expense of your own needs or desires. This fear can make it hard to set healthy boundaries or express your true feelings in relationships.
14. You struggle to celebrate your achievements without external validation.
If accomplishing a goal doesn’t feel real or satisfying until other people acknowledge it, you might be too dependent on external reassurance. You can’t feel proud of yourself without someone else expressing admiration or approval. Your reliance on other people’s recognition can diminish the joy of personal achievements and leave you feeling unfulfilled even when you’ve done well.
