Having expectations for your partner and your relationship is natural, and generally speaking, it’s a good thing.
However, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing, and you might actually be holding your partner to standards that are not just unfair but totally unrealistic. Are you expecting more than you should from your other half? If you relate to any of the following, you may need to adjust your beliefs about what a happy, healthy relationship really is.
1. You feel constantly disappointed in your partner.
If you constantly feel let down by your partner’s actions or words, it might be a sign that your expectations are unrealistic. Nobody’s perfect, and constant disappointment can strain a relationship. If they’re so underwhelming as a partner, why are you even with them?
2. You compare your partner to other people all the time.
Constantly measuring your partner against friends’ partners, celebrities, or fictional characters is unfair and unrealistic. Every person and relationship is unique, and comparisons often lead to dissatisfaction. Appreciate your partner for who they are, not who you imagine other people to be.
3. You expect your partner to read your mind.
Assuming your partner should know what you want or how you feel without you expressing it is setting them up for failure. Open communication is key in any healthy relationship. If you have something to say, say it — don’t expect them to be psychic.
4. You demand all of their free time.
Expecting your partner to spend every moment of their free time with you is unreasonable. Everyone needs personal space and time for individual interests and friendships, including you. Make sure you’re both maintaining lives outside of the relationship, or you’ll be sorry down the line.
5. You criticise them for not meeting your standards.
If you’re always criticising your partner for not meeting your expectations, it might be time to reassess those expectations. Constant criticism can be damaging to your partner’s self-esteem and your relationship. If you’re really that happy, you might be better off on your own.
6. You expect them to change fundamental aspects of their personality.
Hoping your partner will drastically change who they are is unrealistic and unfair. While people can grow and improve, expecting them to change core personality traits is asking too much. They’re a person, not a project.
7. You get upset when they need alone time.
Everyone needs some time to themselves, even in a committed relationship. If you feel hurt or angry when your partner wants some alone time, you might be expecting too much closeness. If you’re uncomfortable in your own company, that’s something you need to work on on your own time.
8. You expect them to solve all your problems.
While partners should support each other, expecting your significant other to fix all your issues is unreasonable. They can offer support, but ultimately, you’re responsible for your own happiness and problem-solving. If you do need outside help, consider working with a therapist or counsellor.
9. You demand perfection in their appearance or habits.
Expecting your partner to always look their best or to have flawless habits is unrealistic. Everyone has off days and quirks – it’s part of being human. Sure, you should both be putting in effort when it comes to your appearance, but there shouldn’t be pressure to look like supermodels all the time.
10. You expect them to remember every detail you share.
While it’s nice when partners remember important things, expecting them to recall every detail you’ve ever shared is unreasonable. People naturally forget things sometimes, and it doesn’t mean they don’t care.
11. You get upset if they don’t respond to messages immediately.
Expecting your partner to be available 24/7 and respond to your messages instantly is unrealistic. They might be busy, in a meeting, or simply need some quiet time. They’ll get back to you when they can. In the meantime, you might need to get more to fill your own schedule!
12. You expect them to share all your interests and hobbies.
While shared interests can strengthen a relationship, expecting your partner to enjoy everything you do is unreasonable. It’s healthy for couples to have some separate interests. It gives you stuff to do on your own or with your friends!
13. You demand grand gestures of love regularly.
While romantic gestures are lovely, expecting them constantly is unrealistic. Love is often shown in small, everyday actions rather than big, showy displays. Plus, when your partner does do big things, they’ll be way more meaningful because you won’t take them for granted.
14. You expect them to always prioritise you over friends and family.
While your partner should value you highly, expecting them to always choose you over other important relationships in their life is unfair. Balance is key. You’re not the centre of their universe, nor should you expect to be.
15. You expect them to never make mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. If you find yourself getting disproportionately upset when your partner slips up, you might be holding them to an impossible standard. You’re not perfect, so why do you expect them to be?
16. You expect them to always agree with you.
Healthy relationships involve two individuals with their own thoughts and opinions. Expecting your partner to always agree with you is unrealistic and can stifle honest communication. Plus, don’t you want to be challenged sometimes?
17. You expect them to fulfil all your emotional needs.
While partners should provide emotional support, expecting one person to meet all your emotional needs is too much. It’s important to have a support network beyond your romantic relationship.
18. You expect the relationship to always be exciting and passionate.
Long-term relationships naturally have ups and downs. Expecting constant excitement and passion is unrealistic. Comfortable companionship is just as valuable as intense romance.
