Ending any relationship is tough, but when it’s long-distance, it can be even more complicated.
Whether things have naturally run their course or the distance between you is just too much to bear anymore, it’s important to keep the breakup respectful and as kind as possible. Here’s how to say goodbye in the least hurtful way possible. It’ll no doubt sting regardless, but this might just soften the blow.
1. Be certain about your decision before initiating the conversation.
Long-distance relationships often have ups and downs, so make sure you’re not acting on temporary frustration. Take time to reflect on your feelings and reasons for wanting to end things before you start the conversation. You don’t want to end things, only to realise you really wanted to stay together.
2. Choose the right medium for the breakup talk.
While in-person is usually best for breakups, it’s not always possible in long-distance relationships. A video call is the next best option because it means you can have a real-time conversation and read/send non-verbal cues. Avoid breaking up via text or email if possible.
3. Plan the conversation for a time when you’re both free to talk.
Don’t spring this conversation on your partner when they might be busy or distracted. Schedule a time when you both can give the discussion your full attention without interruptions or time constraints. It’s unfair to spring this on them when there’s a lot of other stuff going on.
4. Be direct and clear about your intentions.
It’s tempting to beat around the bush, but being vague can lead to confusion and false hope. Be clear that you want to end the relationship. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and reasons without blaming your partner. Back yourself — you’re making the right decision for you.
5. Give your partner space to react and express their feelings.
Obviously, this news might come as a shock to them, so give them time to process and respond to what you’re saying. Listen to them and be empathetic when it comes to their reactions, even if they’re tough to hear.
6. Avoid making promises you can’t keep.
Source: Unsplash In the moment, you might be tempted to say you’ll stay friends or keep in touch, but only make these promises if you genuinely intend to follow through. It’s okay to admit that you need space and time apart. In fact, that’s probably for the best, at least for now.
7. Be prepared to discuss practical matters.
Source: Unsplash Long-distance couples often have shared plans or possessions, so be ready to talk about things like future trips you’ve planned or items you need to return. Approach these topics sensitively and be willing to find fair solutions.
8. Acknowledge the good times you’ve shared.
Source: Unsplash While it’s important to be firm about ending things, it’s also kind to recognise the positive aspects of your relationship. Let them know how grateful you are for the good experiences you’ve had together. This can help end things on a more positive note (as much as possible, anyway).
9. Resist the urge to place blame or list all their faults.
Source: Unsplash Even if your partner has hurt you, a breakup isn’t the time for a character assassination. Focus on expressing your own feelings and needs rather than criticising your partner. Going about things this way is more respectful and less likely to escalate into an argument.
10. Be prepared for questions and try to answer honestly.
Source: Unsplash Your partner will likely have questions about why you want to end things, so answer as honestly as you can without being cruel. If you’re not sure about something, it’s okay to say so rather than making up reasons.
11. Set clear boundaries for after the breakup.
Source: Unsplash Discuss how you’ll handle social media, mutual friends, and any future communication. Having clear expectations can help both of you move on more easily and avoid misunderstandings. You want to make things as painless and seamless for one another as possible.
12. Offer closure, but respect their wishes if they don’t want it.
Source: Unsplash Some people need a final conversation for closure, while others prefer a clean break. Offer the opportunity for further discussion if they need it, but respect their decision if they’d rather not. If they come back to you in the future, be open to another conversation when they’re ready.
13. Be mindful of the timing of your breakup.
Source: Unsplash While there’s never a perfect time, try to avoid breaking up right before major events or stressful periods in your partner’s life if possible. However, don’t use this as an excuse to put off an inevitable breakup indefinitely.
14. Allow yourself to feel and express your own emotions.
Even if you’re the one ending things, it’s normal to feel sad, guilty, or conflicted. Don’t try to hide these feelings — expressing them can help your partner understand that this decision wasn’t made lightly. Just because you’re the one initiating the breakup doesn’t mean it’s not painful.
15. Be prepared for the possibility of reconciliation attempts.
Your partner might try to convince you to give the relationship another chance. Be kind but firm in your decision if you’re sure about ending things, especially because giving false hope can prolong the pain for both of you.
16. Take care of yourself after the breakup.
Ending a long-distance relationship can be emotionally draining. Make sure to take care of yourself afterwards. Lean on your support system, engage in self-care activities, and give yourself time to process your emotions.
