Before you start groaning and saying, “Oh come on, no one actually WINKS at people to flirt anymore!” — think again.
There are plenty of people who legitimately think a wink is a great way to show someone that you’re romantically interested in them. Granted, this is usually something men do to women rather than the other way around, but I always wonder why, especially given that it can’t possibly be effective. If you’re an otherwise lovely gent who thinks this is a great way to get a woman’s attention, here are some better routes to try that might get you more of a positive result.
1. Make genuine eye contact.
Instead of winking, try holding eye contact for a moment longer than usual (but not TOO long). Doing this can create a sense of intimacy and show that you’re interested in the person. Just be careful not to stare, as that might make them uncomfortable. A genuine smile along with the eye contact can make it even more effective.
2. Use light, appropriate touch.
A gentle touch on the arm or shoulder during conversation can be a subtle way to show interest. However, remember to always respect personal boundaries and be mindful of the other person’s comfort level. This technique works best when it feels natural and not forced.
3. Give sincere compliments.
Noticing and appreciating something specific about the person can be a great way to flirt. Focus on unique qualities or actions rather than generic attributes. For example, compliment their sense of humour or the way they handled a situation, rather than just their appearance.
4. Show genuine interest in their passions.
Ask questions about their interests and hobbies, and truly listen to their responses. People love talking about things they’re passionate about, and showing interest in these areas can create a strong connection. Follow up with thoughtful questions to show you’re engaged in the conversation.
5. Use playful teasing.
Light, good-natured teasing can be a fun way to flirt. Just be sure to keep it positive and avoid anything that might be hurtful or offensive. The key is to create a sense of shared humour and camaraderie, not to put the other person down.
6. Mirror their body language.
Subtly mimicking the other person’s posture and gestures can create a subconscious sense of rapport. That doesn’t mean copying every move, but rather adopting a similar overall stance or energy. It can make the other person feel more comfortable and connected to you.
7. Share something about yourself.
Opening up about your own interests or experiences can invite the other person to do the same. Plus, vulnerability can create a sense of closeness. Just be sure to keep things balanced and don’t dominate the conversation with your own stories.
8. Use their name in conversation.
People generally like hearing their own name. Using it occasionally in conversation can create a sense of familiarity and warmth. Just don’t overdo it, as that can come across as forced or insincere.
9. Offer a thoughtful gesture.
Small acts of kindness can be incredibly flirtatious. This could be as simple as offering to get them a drink at a party, or holding a door open. These gestures show that you’re considerate and attentive to their needs.
10. Use subtle body language.
Leaning in slightly when they’re speaking, or pointing your feet towards them, are subtle body language cues that show interest. These non-verbal signals can communicate attraction without being overly obvious.
11. Find common ground.
Look for shared interests or experiences you can bond over — it could be anything from a favourite book to a shared hometown. Having things in common can create an immediate sense of connection and give you plenty to talk about.
12. Use humour.
Making someone laugh is a great way to flirt. Share a funny observation or a witty comment. Just be sure your humour is appropriate for the situation and isn’t at anyone’s expense. Self-deprecating humour can be effective, but don’t overdo it.
13. Remember details from previous conversations.
Bringing up something they mentioned in a past conversation shows that you pay attention and value what they say. It could be as simple as asking how a work project they mentioned turned out, or remembering their coffee order.
14. Create inside jokes.
Developing shared jokes or references can create a sense of intimacy and shared history. This could be based on a funny incident you both witnessed or a quirky observation one of you made. These inside jokes become a special language between the two of you.
15. Be confident in yourself.
Confidence is attractive. Stand tall, speak clearly, and be comfortable in your own skin. That doesn’t mean being arrogant, but rather showing that you value yourself. When you’re confident, you’re more likely to make other people feel at ease and attracted to you.
