Catching up with a friend you used to be close with but haven’t talked to in ages can be a bit awkward.
What do you say? Are they going to think you’re weird for reaching out? Before you get caught up in a cycle of overthinking, stop and take a deep breath. Chances are, your mate will be pleased to hear from you. However, if you want to make that initial message feel slightly less cringe-worthy, here are some openers you can try out.
1. “I saw something that reminded me of you today.”
Maybe it was a meme on Instagram or a photo from a party you went to years ago — either way, this is a good starter since it plays on the nostalgia factor of your friendship. Make sure you share the thing that made them pop into your head — it’ll make them smile and provide a natural topic of conversation.
2. “Remember when we used to…”
Source: Unsplash Again, bringing up something you experienced together is a great way to reconnect. It immediately takes you both back to a time when you were close and can spark a fun conversation about the trouble you used to get into in the past. It also subtly reminds your friend of the good times you shared, making them more likely to want to catch up and maybe make some new memories.
3. “I’ve been thinking about our old friend group. How are you doing?”
If you went to uni together or were part of the same friend group on the estate you grew up on, bringing this up is a great way to show how formative those years were and it and shows genuine interest in your friend’s current life. It’s a balanced approach that looks back while also opening the door to discussing the here and now. It can also lead to updates about other mutual friends you might have lost touch with.
4. “I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch. Life got busy, but I’ve missed our chats.”
Sometimes, a simple apology for the lack of communication can be a good start. Here, you’re taking responsibility for the gap in contact without making excuses. It also expresses that you value the friendship, which can make your friend more receptive to reconnecting (which, if things didn’t end on bad terms, they likely would be up for anyway).
5. “I’m going to be in your area next month. Fancy grabbing a coffee?”
If you’re going to be near your old friend, suggesting a meet-up is a great way to reconnect. It’s low-pressure and gives you both something to look forward to. Even if the timing doesn’t work out, it opens the door for meeting up in the future.
6. “I just achieved a big milestone and thought of how you always supported my dreams.”
Source: Unsplash Sharing good news and acknowledging your friend’s past support is a heart-warming way to reach out because it shows that they’ve had a lasting positive impact on your life. Saying something like this can make your friend feel valued and important, even after time apart. However, tread carefully — you don’t want to look like you’re reaching out just to brag.
7. “I’ve been doing some self-reflection lately and realised how much I valued our friendship.”
Source: Unsplash This is really honest and vulnerable, which can lead to a genuine reconnection, especially if things were a bit tense between you the last time you spoke. It shows personal growth and a sincere appreciation for your past relationship. This kind of openness can encourage your friend to respond in kind, and that can make a renewed connection much more likely.
8. “I saw your post about [recent event]. How are you handling everything?”
Source: Unsplash If you’ve noticed something major happening in your friend’s life through social media, reaching out to offer support can be meaningful. It shows that you’re still interested in their life and care about them. Just be sure to respect their privacy if they’re not ready to discuss it.
9. “I found an old photo of us, and it made me smile. Want to see it?”
Source: Unsplash This is similar to the first item about seeing something that made you think of them, and sending over a photo like this is a great ice-breaker. It’s a visual reminder of where you’ve been together and can spark a nostalgic conversation. Plus, looking back at old pictures together (even virtually) can be a great way to reminisce and catch up.
10. “I’m starting a new hobby and remembered you were always great at it. Any tips?”
Source: Unsplash Asking for advice is a clever way to get back in touch. It shows that you value your friend’s skills and opinions, which is flattering. It also gives you a specific topic to discuss, which can make the initial conversation feel more natural and less awkward.
11. “I just watched/read/listened to [something you both enjoyed]. It made me think of when we used to talk about it.”
Source: Unsplash Bringing up things you were both interested in is a great way to rekindle a friendship. It lets them know that you clearly remember what you had in common and provides an easy topic for conversation. Maybe you’re still interested in those things, or maybe your interests have evolved but still line up — you’ll never know until you talk about it.
12. “I’m organising a reunion for our old [group/team/class]. Would you be interested in joining?”
Source: Unsplash If you’re planning a get-together with a larger group, inviting your old friend can be a low-pressure way to reconnect. It gives them the option to see multiple old friends at once, which some people find less daunting than a one-on-one meetup.
13. “I’ve been going through some changes lately and could use a familiar perspective. Do you have time for a chat?”
Source: Unsplash Being open about needing support can lead to a meaningful reconnection. It shows trust in your friend and the value you place on their opinion. However, be careful not to overwhelm them with heavy topics right away if you haven’t spoken in a long time because it can seem weird and pretty overwhelming.
14. “I just heard [song/artist you both liked] and immediately thought of our old road trips. How have you been?”
Source: Unsplash Music can be a powerful trigger for memories. Mentioning a shared favourite is a great way to transport you both back to your time together. It’s a relaxed opener that can easily lead into catching up on each other’s lives.
15. “I’m trying to be better about keeping in touch with important people in my life. You’re one of them.”
Source: Unsplash This is straightforward and sincere, which is sometimes what you need. It acknowledges that you’ve been out of touch, while also expressing that your friend is still important to you. This kind of honesty can be refreshing and can set the tone for rebuilding your connection.
16. “No pressure to respond, but I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing well, and I’ve thought of you often.”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, a no-strings-attached message can be the best approach. This lets your friend know you’re thinking of them, without putting pressure on them to engage in a lengthy catch-up if they’re not ready. It’s a kind gesture that leaves the door open for a future friendship.
