Social anxiety is incredibly common — approximately 8% of the UK population suffers from it, per the Mental Health Foundation.
Maybe you’re not anxious about interacting, but you just don’t feel all that confident about it. That doesn’t mean you should avoid socialising — it just means you need to get a bit more confident about doing it so it becomes slightly less painful. Here are some tips for doing that.
1. Prepare some conversation starters beforehand.
Having a few topics up your sleeve can help ease those awkward silences. Think about current events, popular TV shows, or interesting hobbies. You don’t need to memorise a script, just have a general idea of things you could bring up. A little bit of preparation can make you feel a lot more confident and help you feel more in control of the conversation.
2. Focus on body language.
Source: Unsplash Your posture and gestures can speak volumes before you even open your mouth. Stand up straight, make eye contact (yes, even when it feels uncomfortable), and try to keep your arms uncrossed. Just a few small adjustments like these can make you seem more open and confident, which in turn can help you feel more self-assured. Seriously, sometimes faking it ’til you make it really does work.
3. Make sure your listening skills are up to scratch.
Instead of worrying about what to say next, really tune in to what other people are saying. Ask follow-up questions and show genuine interest in their responses — it takes the pressure off you to constantly come up with new topics and helps you connect with people more authentically. Plus, people love talking about themselves, so they’ll likely appreciate your attentiveness.
4. Dress in a way that makes you feel good.
Source: Unsplash Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident. When you like how you look, it shows in how you carry yourself. That doesn’t mean you need to dress formally — just choose outfits that reflect your personal style and make you feel like the best version of yourself. When you feel good in your skin, you’re more likely to give off an air of confidence.
5. Set small, achievable goals for social situations.
Source: Unsplash Don’t put pressure on yourself to be the most popular person in the room. Instead, set small, manageable goals like having one meaningful conversation or introducing yourself to someone new. These little wins can give you a serious boost and make social situations feel less daunting. It’s about progress, not perfection.
6. Remember that most people feel nervous too.
It’s easy to assume everyone else is perfectly confident, but that’s rarely the case. Many people feel just as nervous as you do in social situations. Remembering this can help you feel less alone and more understanding towards other people. It might even motivate you to help put other people at ease, which can make you feel more confident, oddly enough.
7. Practise mindfulness and deep breathing.
Source: Unsplash When you feel anxiety creeping in, take a moment to focus on your breath. Deep, slow breaths can help calm your nerves and bring you back to the present moment. The best part is that no one else even has to know you’re doing this, and it can make a big difference in how you feel. With a bit of practise, it can become your secret weapon for staying cool under social pressure.
8. Don’t fall into comparison traps.
It’s tempting to measure yourself against other people, but this rarely leads to anything positive. Everyone has their own strengths and struggles, many of which aren’t visible on the surface. Instead of comparing, focus on your own growth and the unique qualities you bring to social situations. Embracing your authenticity can be really empowering.
9. Use positive self-talk.
The way you talk to yourself can really impact your confidence. Try to catch negative thoughts and replace them with more positive, encouraging ones. Instead of “I’m so awkward,” try something like “I’m working on my social skills and improving all the time.” Shifting your mindset can gradually change how you feel about yourself in social situations.
10. Arrive early to events when possible.
Getting to a social event early can help you acclimate to the environment before it gets too crowded. It’s often easier to start conversations as people arrive, rather than trying to break into established groups. It can help you feel more settled and confident as the event progresses.
11. Focus on making other people feel comfortable.
Source: Unsplash Shifting your focus from your own discomfort to making other people feel at ease can be a game-changer. Ask questions, offer compliments, or help introduce people to each other. Not only does this take the spotlight off you, but it also positions you as a friendly, approachable person. Plus, the positive reactions you receive can boost your own confidence.
12. Practise, practise, practise.
Like any skill, social confidence improves with practise. Try to put yourself in social situations regularly, even if they’re small scale like chatting with a neighbour or joining a club. Each interaction is an opportunity to build your confidence. Remember, everyone has awkward moments — it’s how you handle them that matters.
13. Learn to embrace silence.
Not every moment in a conversation needs to be filled with talk. Learning to be comfortable with brief silences can take a lot of pressure off. Use these moments to gather your thoughts or simply enjoy the company. Being comfortable with quiet can make you appear more confident and thoughtful, rather than nervous or trying too hard.
14. Remember your past successes.
When you’re feeling nervous, think back to times when you’ve successfully navigated social situations in the past. These memories can serve as proof that you’re capable of handling social interactions well. Keep a mental (or even physical) list of these positive experiences to boost your confidence when you need it most.
15. Be nice to yourself.
Finally, remember to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Social skills are just that — skills. They take time to develop, and everyone has off days. If a conversation doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, see it as a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. Your confidence will build naturally as you continue to practise self-compassion.
