When you get into a relationship, it’s probably fair to assume you really love the person, or at least like them a lot.
However, a lot of couple up with someone we think has a lot of potential, and we hope that someday, they might change a bit (or we might be able to change them ourselves) and magically become our ideal partner. I shouldn’t have to say why this is a bad idea — it just is. Here’s how to accept your partner as they are, flaws and all.
1. Recognise that nobody’s perfect.
Source: Unsplash We all have flaws, including you. Remembering this can help you be more understanding when your partner’s imperfections show up. It’s easy to focus on their shortcomings, but try to remind yourself that you’re not flawless either. Probably far from it! A bit of perspective can make it easier to accept your partner’s less-than-perfect traits.
2. Focus on their positive qualities.
Your partner likely has many wonderful qualities that drew you to them in the first place. When you find yourself fixating on things you’d like to change, try shifting your focus to the things you love about them. Make a mental list of their positive traits and revisit it often. Doing this can balance any negative thoughts you might be having.
3. Communicate openly about your feelings.
If something about your partner is bothering you, talk to them about it. Open, honest communication is key in any relationship. Express your feelings without blame or judgement. Your partner might not even be aware of how their behaviour affects you, and a calm discussion could lead to positive changes or better understanding.
4. Practise empathy and try to understand their perspective.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Try to understand why they behave or think the way they do. Maybe their upbringing or past experiences have shaped their current behaviour. Showing some empathy can help you be more accepting and compassionate towards your partner’s quirks and habits.
5. Set realistic expectations.
Sometimes, our disappointment is a result of having unrealistic expectations. Remember that your partner is human, with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. They can’t fulfil every role or meet every need you have. Setting realistic expectations can help prevent disappointment and help you accept them more.
6. Appreciate the ways you complement each other.
Instead of focusing on your differences as negatives, try to see how they might complement each other. Perhaps your partner’s spontaneity balances out your need for planning. Or maybe their outgoing nature helps bring you out of your shell. Recognising these complementary traits can help you appreciate your differences.
7. Avoid trying to change them.
It’s natural to want to ‘fix’ things about your partner that you see as flaws. However, trying to change someone rarely works and often leads to resentment. Instead, focus on accepting them as they are. If there are serious issues, encourage growth and support positive changes, but don’t try to mould them into your ideal partner.
8. Learn to compromise.
Accepting your partner doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they do. Learning to compromise is crucial. Find middle ground on issues where you disagree. This shows that you respect their views and are willing to meet them halfway, even if you don’t see eye to eye on everything.
9. Practise gratitude for what they bring to your life.
Take time each day to appreciate what your partner brings to your life. It could be something as simple as making you laugh or as significant as supporting your dreams. Cultivating gratitude can shift your focus from what you wish was different to what you’re thankful for in your relationship.
10. Reflect on your own behaviours and attitudes.
Sometimes, the things that bother us about our partners are reflections of our own insecurities or issues. Take time to reflect on why certain behaviours trigger you. Are there areas where you could grow or change? Self-reflection can lead to greater understanding and acceptance of both yourself and your partner.
11. Give them space to be themselves.
Accepting your partner means allowing them to be who they are, even when it’s different from you. Encourage them to pursue their interests and spend time with their friends. Giving each other space to be individuals can actually bring you closer together and foster mutual acceptance.
12. Choose your battles wisely.
Not every disagreement needs to turn into an argument. Learn to let go of minor annoyances and save your energy for issues that truly matter. Ask yourself if something is worth causing tension in your relationship before you bring it up. Your relationship will be much more peaceful and accepting as a result.
13. Celebrate their uniqueness.
Your partner’s quirks and peculiarities are what make them unique. Instead of seeing these traits as flaws, try to celebrate them. Their odd sense of humour or unconventional hobby is part of what makes them who they are. Embracing these qualities can help you appreciate your partner more fully.
14. Remember why you chose them.
When you’re feeling frustrated with your partner, take a moment to remember why you chose to be with them. Think back to the early days of your relationship and recall what attracted you to them. Reconnecting with these feelings can help rekindle your appreciation and acceptance of who they are.
15. Practise patience.
Accepting someone fully takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work on this. There may be days when it’s easier to focus on the negatives, but remember that acceptance is an ongoing process. Keep working at it, and it will become more natural over time.
16. Focus on growth together.
While it’s important to accept your partner as they are, it’s also healthy to grow together. Encourage each other’s personal development and set goals as a couple. Focusing on growth, both personal and as a couple, can help you both become better versions of yourselves while still accepting each other’s core personalities.
17. Reaffirm your commitment regularly.
Regularly remind yourself of your commitment to your partner. This doesn’t have to be grand gestures; small, daily affirmations can be powerful. By consciously choosing your partner each day, you’re also choosing to accept them, flaws and all. A different mindset can help strengthen your relationship and deepen your acceptance over time.
