At some point in your life, you’ve probably put your faith in someone only to have it shattered.
It’s a devastating experience that leaves you questioning your own judgement. However, going through this kind of betrayal also presents a unique opportunity for growth. Here are some things you’re likely to learn from trusting the wrong people.
1. Actions speak louder than words.
It’s easy to get caught up in grand promises and sweet talk. But when someone’s actions consistently fail to match their words, it’s a red flag. Pay attention to what people do, not just what they say. If someone claims to be trustworthy but repeatedly lets you down, their actions are revealing their true character.
2. Trust your instincts when something feels off.
Often, our gut feeling picks up on subtle cues that our conscious mind might miss. If you’re getting a nagging feeling that something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. Your intuition is often your subconscious mind processing information you haven’t fully realised yet. While it’s not infallible, it’s worth paying attention to those internal alarm bells.
3. Be wary of people who rush intimacy.
When someone pushes for a deep connection too quickly, it can be a sign of manipulation. Genuine trust and intimacy take time to develop. If someone is rushing to become your best friend, confidant, or partner without giving the relationship time to grow naturally, they might have ulterior motives.
4. Don’t ignore red flags for the sake of politeness.
Many of us have been conditioned to be polite and give people the benefit of the doubt. While kindness is important, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your wellbeing. If someone’s behaviour makes you uncomfortable or crosses your boundaries, it’s okay to address it or distance yourself, even if it feels impolite.
5. Be cautious of those who constantly play the victim.
People who always portray themselves as the victim in every situation might be avoiding responsibility for their actions. While everyone goes through tough times, consistent victimhood can be a manipulation tactic. It’s used to gain sympathy and avoid accountability. Be wary of those who never seem to take responsibility for their part in conflicts.
6. Observe how they treat other people, not just you.
Someone might treat you well, but if they’re rude to waitstaff, dismissive of colleagues, or cruel to animals, it’s a sign of their true character. How a person treats those they perceive as “beneath” them or those who can’t benefit them is often a more accurate reflection of who they really are.
7. Be sceptical of excessive flattery.
While compliments are nice, be wary of people who constantly shower you with praise, especially early in a relationship. Excessive flattery can be a manipulation tactic known as “love bombing”. It’s used to quickly win your trust and affection. Genuine compliments are specific and given at appropriate times, not used as a constant stream of vague praise.
8. Don’t trust someone just because other people do.
Just because someone is popular or well-liked doesn’t automatically make them trustworthy. People can be charming and sociable while still being unreliable or manipulative. Form your own opinions based on your interactions with them, rather than relying solely on their reputation or how other people see them.
9. Be cautious of those who frequently gossip or share people’s secrets.
If someone readily shares other people’s private information with you, chances are they’ll do the same with your secrets. A trustworthy person respects confidentiality, even when the subject isn’t present. Be wary of those who seem to thrive on spreading gossip or revealing information that isn’t theirs to share.
10. Don’t mistake intensity for intimacy.
Sometimes, people mistake dramatic, intense interactions for deep connection. But true intimacy is built on consistency, mutual respect, and shared experiences over time. Be cautious of relationships that feel like a rollercoaster — extreme highs followed by devastating lows. Stable, trustworthy connections tend to be more even-keeled.
11. Be wary of those who can’t handle your success.
A truly supportive person will celebrate your achievements, not feel threatened by them. If someone in your life consistently tries to downplay your successes, competes with you, or seems resentful when things go well for you, they might not have your best interests at heart. Trustworthy people want to see you thrive, not hold you back.
12. Don’t ignore your own needs for the sake of trust.
Sometimes, in our eagerness to trust or to maintain a relationship, we might ignore our own needs or boundaries. But true trust should never require you to compromise your values or well-being. If you’re constantly sacrificing your own needs or comfort for someone else, it might be time to reassess the relationship.
13. Be cautious of those who pressure you to trust them.
Trust is earned, not demanded. If someone is pushing you to trust them before you’re ready, or guilt-tripping you for being cautious, it’s a red flag. Trustworthy people understand that trust takes time to build and are patient with the process. Anyone trying to rush or force your trust might have questionable motives.
14. Don’t mistake familiarity for trustworthiness.
Just because you’ve known someone for a long time doesn’t automatically make them trustworthy. People change, and sometimes not for the better. Long-standing relationships should still be subject to the same standards as newer ones. If a long-time friend or family member consistently betrays your trust, it’s okay to reassess the relationship, regardless of its duration.
15. Trust is not an all-or-nothing proposition.
Source: Unsplash It’s okay to trust someone in some areas but not others. You might trust a friend with your secrets but not with your money, or trust a colleague’s work ethic but not their personal advice. Recognising that trust can be situational allows you to build more nuanced, realistic relationships without completely writing someone off for a single breach of trust.
16. Learning to trust again is a process, not an event.
Source: Unsplash After being hurt, it’s natural to be wary of trusting again. But closing yourself off entirely isn’t the answer. Rebuilding your ability to trust is a gradual process that involves setting healthy boundaries, practising discernment, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in small, manageable steps. It’s okay to take your time and trust at your own pace.
