Everyone finds different things attractive in relationships, but there are certain male behaviours that are universal turn-offs.
Women aren’t looking for the perfect partner, but they are looking for men who are thoughtful, considerate, respectful, and who treat them like equal human beings. That’s why these qualities are so off-putting to what I would venture to guess is my entire gender.
1. Lacking basic hygiene and grooming habits
Poor personal hygiene is a major turn-off. Neglecting to shower regularly, brush your teeth, or wear clean clothes can quickly repel potential partners. Self-care isn’t just about looking good — it’s about respecting yourself and those around you.
2. Constantly being glued to your phone
Being overly attached to your phone shows a complete lack of interest or inability to be present. It’s hard to build a connection when you’re constantly scrolling or texting. Try to be more mindful of your phone use, especially during face-to-face interactions. You can surely pop it in your pocket for now, can’t you?
3. Struggling to hold a conversation
Communication is key in any relationship. If you can’t engage in meaningful conversation or only talk about yourself, it can be a major turn-off. I know humanity’s social skills in general have gone downhill, but if you can’t listen and show interest in other people, you need to get your act together.
4. Always being late
Source: Unsplash Chronic lateness shows a lack of respect for other people’s time and can be incredibly frustrating. It suggests poor planning and unreliability. Make an effort to show up when you’re supposed to and when you say you will — it’s a simple way to show you value the other person.
5. Displaying controlling behaviour
Trying to dictate what someone wears, who they talk to, or how they spend their time is a massive red flag. Respect for individual autonomy is non-negotiable in healthy relationships. Trust and support are far more attractive than control.
6. Being overly negative or pessimistic
Constant complaining or always seeing the worst in situations can be draining for the people around you. While it’s okay to express frustrations, try to maintain a balanced perspective and find positives where you can. No one wants to be with someone whose glass is half-full — or worse, completely empty.
7. Lacking ambition or direction in life
Having goals and working towards them is attractive. If you seem content to drift through life without purpose, it can be off-putting. You don’t need to have it all figured out by any means, but you should at least have a desire to grow and improve. Otherwise, what’s the point of living?
8. Disrespect to service workers
How you treat wait staff, shop assistants, or any service workers speaks volumes about your character. Being rude or dismissive to those in service roles is a major turn-off. Kindness and respect for all is an attractive quality, so get off your high horse and show some manners.
9. Being unable to admit when you’re wrong
Stubbornness and an inability to acknowledge mistakes can be frustrating, especially since being able to admit when you’re wrong and apologise shows maturity and emotional intelligence. It’s an attractive trait that encourages trust and respect in relationships. When you mess up, ‘fess up. It’s really not that hard.
10. Lacking emotional intelligence
Being unable to understand or manage your own emotions, or empathise with other people, can create huge barriers in relationships that are hard to get past. Developing emotional intelligence can greatly improve your interpersonal skills and attractiveness.
11. Overly possessive or jealous behaviour
Excessive jealousy or possessiveness often stems from insecurity and can be suffocating in a relationship. Trust is fundamental — if you find yourself constantly suspicious or controlling, it might be time for some self-reflection (or even some professional help).
12. Making everything about you
Narcissistic behaviour and an inability to consider other people’s feelings or perspectives is extremely problematic. Relationships are about give and take — if you’re always making things about you, it leaves little room for your partner’s needs and experiences. You don’t need to be the star of the show 24/7.
13. Not taking ‘no’ for an answer
Respecting boundaries is a must. If you persistently push after someone has said no, whether it’s about a date or a decision, it shows a lack of respect for their autonomy. Understanding and accepting ‘no’ shouldn’t be some groundbreaking achievement — it really is quite simple.
14. Lacking financial responsibility
Constantly borrowing money, overspending, or being unable to manage your finances can be a red flag. While everyone faces financial challenges at times, showing a commitment to financial responsibility is attractive.
15. Being unable to express your feelings
Emotional unavailability or an inability to communicate your feelings can create distance in relationships. Being able to open up and share your thoughts and emotions is key to building intimacy and connection. You’re a grown adult now — there’s no excuse for not being able to express yourself in this way, even if it’s hard or feels awkward.
16. Having poor anger management
Regular outbursts of anger or aggression are not only unattractive but can be really scary for the person on the other side. Learning to manage your emotions and express frustrations in a healthy way is vital for maintaining positive relationships.
17. Being overly critical of people
Constantly pointing out flaws in people or making harsh judgements isn’t just unfair, it’s unattractive. While constructive feedback has its place, being overly critical often reflects more on you than those you’re criticising. Try to practise more empathy and understanding.
18. Lacking independence
Being overly reliant on other people, whether emotionally or practically, can be draining. Having your own interests, friends, and ability to take care of yourself is attractive and the bare minimum for any adult. It shows you’re a well-rounded individual who chooses to be in a relationship, rather than needing one.
19. Being inconsistent in your words and actions
Saying one thing and doing another destroys trust quickly (if it was ever there to begin with). Consistency between your words and actions is key to building and maintaining trust in relationships. If you make promises or commitments, follow through on them.
20. Showing a lack of effort in your appearance
While you don’t need to be dressed to the nines all the time, consistently making no effort with your appearance can suggest a lack of self-care or respect for other people, particularly the woman you’re supposedly trying to woo. Taking pride in your appearance shows you value yourself and the company you’re in.
21. Being unwilling to compromise
Relationships require give and take. If you’re always insisting on your way or unwilling to find middle ground, it can make for a very one-sided and unsatisfying relationship. Learning to compromise and consider your partner’s needs is important for building a healthy, balanced relationship.
