No matter how well you read people or how smart you are, no one is immune to a narcissist’s charm.
At first, they’re the ideal partner — attentive, caring, supportive. However, once they get you wrapped around their finger, their true colours start to shine through. That’s when the real fun begins, because when you realise the type of person you’re really dealing with and call them out on it, they don’t take it very well. Here are some things that are likely to happen next.
1. They accuse you of being the narcissist.
It’s classic projection! When you start to question their behaviour, they might turn the tables and accuse you of being selfish, manipulative, or attention-seeking. It’s a mind game designed to deflect from their own narcissistic tendencies and make you doubt yourself. Remember, their accusations are often a reflection of their own insecurities and flaws.
2. They suddenly become overly affectionate.
When a narcissist senses that you’re slipping away, they might shower you with unexpected affection. They’ll bombard you with compliments, gifts, and promises of change. It’s their way of luring you back into their web of control. Don’t be fooled by this sudden change in behaviour – it’s usually short-lived and insincere.
3. They try to isolate you from your support system.
Narcissists thrive on having complete control over their victims. They’ll try to isolate you from your friends and family, planting seeds of doubt about their intentions and loyalty. They might even go as far as spreading rumours or creating drama to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones. It’s really important to maintain your connections and get support from those who genuinely care about you.
4. They play the victim.
When confronted with their wrongdoings, narcissists often resort to playing the victim. They’ll twist the narrative to make themselves look like the injured party, portraying you as the villain. They might exaggerate their own suffering or even fabricate stories to gain sympathy and manipulate you into feeling sorry for them. Don’t fall for their crocodile tears – remember their true colours.
5. They gaslight you into questioning your reality.
Gaslighting is a classic narcissistic tactic where they distort the truth and make you doubt your own perception of events. They might deny saying or doing things, even when you have clear evidence to the contrary. They’ll invalidate your feelings and experiences, making you feel like you’re going crazy. Trust your instincts and don’t let them manipulate your reality.
6. They launch a smear campaign against you.
If you dare to expose a narcissist’s true nature, be prepared for a smear campaign. They’ll paint you in a negative light to anyone who will listen, spreading lies and gossip to destroy your reputation. They might try to turn your mutual friends against you, or even contact your family and colleagues to sabotage your relationships. Remember, their smear campaign is a desperate attempt to maintain control and protect their fragile ego.
7. They threaten to hurt themselves or other people.
In extreme cases, narcissists might resort to threats of self-harm or violence to manipulate you into staying. They might threaten to hurt themselves if you leave, or even threaten to harm those you care about. It’s important to take these threats seriously and get help from authorities if necessary. Your safety and well-being are paramount.
8. They love bomb you with affection.
Love bombing is a tactic narcissists use to win you back when they sense you’re pulling away. They’ll shower you with excessive attention, affection, and gifts to remind you of the “good times” you had together. It’s a manipulative strategy to make you doubt your decision to leave and keep you trapped in the cycle of abuse. Don’t be swayed by their charm offensive – it’s just another act.
9. They discard you and quickly move on.
Source: Unsplash When a narcissist realises they can no longer control you or extract the narcissistic supply they need, they might abruptly discard you. They’ll vanish from your life without explanation, leaving you feeling confused and heartbroken. It’s not uncommon for them to quickly move on to a new target, seemingly unfazed by the pain they’ve caused you. Remember, their ability to discard you so easily reflects their lack of genuine emotional connection and empathy.
10. They hoover you back into their life.
Hoovering is a tactic narcissists use to lure you back into their life after they’ve discarded you. They might reach out with seemingly innocent messages or apologies, pretending to have changed. They might even play on your sympathies by sharing stories of hardship or expressing their undying love for you. Don’t fall for their tricks – it’s just another attempt to regain control and exploit you for their own benefit.
11. They try to sabotage your new relationships.
Source: Unsplash When you finally move on from a narcissist and start dating someone new, they might try to sabotage your newfound happiness. They could spread rumours about you to your new partner, contact them directly to create drama, or even try to rekindle your old flame to make you doubt your new relationship. It’s their way of maintaining a sense of control over you and preventing you from moving on with your life.
12. They minimise your accomplishments and successes.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have a deep-seated insecurity and a need to feel like they’re better than everyone else. When you achieve something significant, they might downplay your accomplishments or try to take credit for your success. They might even try to sabotage your efforts to prevent you from outshining them. It’s important to celebrate your wins and surround yourself with people who genuinely support and uplift you.
13. They constantly compare you to other people.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often compare you to other people, highlighting their perceived flaws and shortcomings. They might point out how someone else is more attractive, successful, or intelligent than you. If successful, this ends up destroying your self-esteem and make you feel inadequate. Remember, you are unique and valuable, and you shouldn’t let anyone diminish your worth.
14. They blame you for their problems.
Narcissists are notorious for refusing to take responsibility for their own actions and choices. When things go wrong in their life, they’ll often blame you for their problems and misfortunes. They might accuse you of being the cause of their failures, financial difficulties, or even their emotional distress. It’s their way of deflecting blame and avoiding accountability for their own mistakes.
15. They use guilt and shame to manipulate you.
Narcissists are experts at manipulating your emotions to get what they want. They’ll guilt-trip you into doing things you don’t want to do, or shame you for expressing your needs and desires. They might make you feel responsible for their happiness or well-being, using your empathy against you. Don’t let them control you with guilt and shame – assert your boundaries and put your own needs first.
16. They triangulate you with other people.
Source: Unsplash Triangulation is a tactic narcissists use to create jealousy and insecurity within their relationships. They might flirt with other people in front of you, talk about their exes, or even compare you to other people in a negative way to make you feel threatened. It’s their way of maintaining control and ensuring you remain emotionally invested in the relationship.
17. They stalk you on social media.
Even after you’ve broken up with a narcissist, they might continue to monitor your life through social media. They’ll check your posts, stories, and photos, looking for any sign that you’re moving on and happy without them. They might even create fake profiles to cyberstalk you or contact your friends and family to gather information about you. It’s important to block them on all platforms and protect your privacy.
18. They try to turn your friends and family against you.
Narcissists are skilled at manipulating people and turning them against each other. They might try to sow discord between you and your loved ones by spreading lies, gossiping, or creating drama. They might even try to isolate you from your support system so they can have more control over you. It’s crucial to maintain healthy relationships with your friends and family and not let the narcissist’s manipulation tactics come between you.
19. They use silent treatment as a weapon.
Source: Unsplash The silent treatment is a common tactic used by narcissists to punish and control their victims. They might refuse to communicate with you for days or even weeks, leaving you feeling anxious and confused. It’s their way of withholding affection and attention, making you crave their approval and validation. Don’t let them use the silent treatment to manipulate you – focus on your own well-being and surround yourself with people who respect and value you.
20. They make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time.
Living with a narcissist can feel like walking on eggshells. You never know what might trigger their anger or disapproval. They might be charming and affectionate one minute, and then explode in rage the next. Their unpredictable behaviour keeps you constantly on edge, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. It’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their emotional outbursts, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
21. They refuse to apologise or take responsibility for their actions.
Even when confronted with undeniable evidence of their wrongdoing, narcissists rarely offer a sincere apology. They might offer a half-hearted “I’m sorry,” but it’s usually followed by excuses, justifications, or even blaming you for their behaviour. They might promise to change, but their actions rarely match their words. Don’t hold your breath waiting for a genuine apology – it’s unlikely to come.
