Feeling unappreciated in your relationship is really tough.
You go out of your way to make your partner’s life easier, and they take it (and you) for granted, and that sucks, even if it’s not intentional. Sometimes your partner just needs a little nudge to remember how amazing you are, so here’s how to give them one.
1. Speak up about what you need.
Look, your partner’s not a mind reader. If you want something, you’ve gotta say it out loud. Maybe you need more cuddles, or you want them to listen without trying to fix everything. Whatever it is, let them know. It might feel awkward at first, but trust me, it’s way better than silently stewing in resentment. Plus, giving them a clear roadmap to making you happy? That’s a win-win.
2. Don’t be a doormat.
Being nice is great and all, but if you’re always bending over backwards for your partner, they might start taking you for granted. It’s okay to say no sometimes. Set some boundaries, stick to them, and watch how your partner’s respect for you grows. Remember, you’re a partner, not a servant. If they wanted a yes-person, they could’ve bought a bobblehead.
3. Show off your skills.
Got a talent you’re proud of? Don’t hide it under a bushel! Whether you’re a whiz in the kitchen, a DIY master, or you can solve a Rubik’s cube in under a minute, let your partner see you in your element. When they see you crushing it at something, they’ll be reminded of how capable and impressive you are. It’s like a little “aren’t you lucky to have me?” nudge, without actually saying it.
4. Take care of yourself.
Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. When you look after yourself, you’re showing that you value yourself — and that sets the bar for how others should treat you, too. This doesn’t mean you need to go on some crazy diet or spend hours at the gym. It could be as simple as taking a relaxing bath, reading a book you enjoy, or going for a walk. When you’re feeling good about yourself, it shows, and your partner will notice.
5. Don’t always be available.
I know, I know, you love spending time with your partner. But being at their beck and call 24/7 isn’t doing you any favours. Have your own life, pursue your own interests, hang out with your friends. A little mystery goes a long way. When you’re not always around, your partner gets a chance to miss you. And as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder (or at least makes them realise how much they rely on you).
6. Celebrate your wins.
Did you nail that presentation at work? Finally master that yoga pose? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your achievements with your partner, no matter how small they might seem. It’s not bragging, it’s letting them in on your life. When they see you succeeding and feeling proud of yourself, they’ll be reminded of what a catch you are. Plus, it gives them a chance to be your cheerleader, which is a win for both of you.
7. Be their cheerleader, too.
Speaking of cheerleaders, make sure you’re rooting for your partner too. When they achieve something, big or small, celebrate it like it’s the best thing since sliced bread. Your enthusiasm will make them feel valued, and they’ll want to return the favour.
8. Keep the mystery alive.
Remember when you started dating, and everything was exciting and new? You can bring some of that back by keeping a bit of mystery in your relationship. Try a new hobby, learn a new skill, or change up your style. Give your partner a chance to rediscover you.
9. Don’t compromise on the big stuff.
Relationships are all about give and take, sure. But when it comes to your core values and big life goals, don’t sell yourself short. If you’re always the one compromising on the important stuff, you’re sending a message that your needs aren’t as important. Stand firm on the things that really matter to you. Your partner will respect you more for it, even if they don’t agree.
10. Show appreciation for them too.
Alright, this might sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. When you show genuine appreciation for your partner, it often comes back to you. Notice the little things they do and thank them sincerely. Not only does it make them feel good, but it also reminds them to look for things to appreciate about you. Before you know it, you’ll both be in a cycle of noticing and valuing each other more.
11. Spice things up in the bedroom.
If things have got a bit routine between the sheets, it might be time to shake things up. Try something new, suggest a fantasy, or just put in a bit more effort. When you show enthusiasm and creativity in your intimate life, your partner’s likely to sit up and take notice. It’s not just about the physical stuff, either — it’s about showing that you’re invested in keeping your connection alive and kicking.
12. Be emotionally supportive.
When your partner’s having a rough day, be their rock. Listen without judgement, offer a shoulder to cry on, or just sit with them in silence if that’s what they need. Being there for the tough times shows you’re not just in it for the good times. It makes you invaluable. Plus, when you’re the one they turn to for emotional support, they’re bound to appreciate you more. Just don’t forget to set boundaries — you’re their partner, not their therapist.
13. Maintain your independence.
Nothing kills attraction faster than neediness. Keep your own friends, hobbies, and interests. It’s great to do things together, but you don’t need to be joined at the hip. When you have your own life, you bring fresh energy and experiences to the relationship. Your partner will value you more when they see you as a whole, interesting person in your own right, not just as their other half.
14. Communicate effectively.
It’s not just about talking more, it’s about talking better. Learn to express yourself clearly without attacking or blaming. Use “I feel” statements instead of “You always” accusations. And for the love of all that’s holy, learn to listen too! When you communicate effectively, you’re showing respect for your partner and the relationship. They’ll value you more when they feel heard and understood. It’s like relationship superglue!
15. Challenge them (in a good way).
Don’t be afraid to disagree with your partner or call them out when needed. Healthy debates and constructive criticism can actually strengthen your relationship. When you challenge your partner to grow and improve, you’re showing that you care about their development. Just make sure you’re not being a nag or a know-it-all — the goal is to inspire, not irritate.
16. Show your vulnerable side.
Being strong all the time is exhausting, and honestly, a bit boring. Don’t be afraid to let your partner see your softer side. Share your fears, your dreams, your insecurities. When you open up, you’re inviting them to connect with you on a deeper level. It shows trust and encourages intimacy. Just be careful not to trauma dump or overshare too early. It’s about creating a bond, not giving them your entire emotional baggage in one go!
17. Be reliable.
If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Being dependable might not sound attractive, but trust me, it really is. When your partner knows they can count on you, your value in their eyes skyrockets. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being consistent. And if you can’t follow through on something, communicate that clearly.
18. Surprise them (in ways they actually like).
Everyone loves a good surprise, right? Well, not always. The key is to surprise your partner in ways they genuinely appreciate. Maybe it’s bringing home their favourite takeaway after a long day, or planning a weekend trip to that place they’ve always wanted to visit. It shows you’re thinking of them and paying attention to their likes and dislikes. Just make sure your surprises are actually pleasant for them, not just for you.
19. Work on your self-confidence.
Confidence is attractive, full stop. When you feel good about yourself, it shows in everything you do. Stand tall, speak up, and own your awesomeness. Obviously, don’t be arrogant or braggy, but know your worth and don’t be afraid to show it. When you value yourself, others (including your partner) are more likely to value you too. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy, but in a good way!
20. Keep growing and evolving.
Finally, never stop working on yourself. Learn new things, set goals, chase your dreams. When you’re constantly evolving, you become more interesting and inspiring. Your partner will value you more when they see you striving to be the best version of yourself.
