There’s a difference between growing together in a relationship and having to raise someone who should already know the basics.
Too many women end up in the role of life coach, emotional educator, or glorified mother to men who never learned what should’ve been obvious long before they started dating. And while no one’s perfect, there are some things that shouldn’t still be up for debate in adulthood. Under no circumstances should a woman have to teach a guy these very basic concepts.
1. How to apologise properly
“I’m sorry you feel that way” doesn’t count. A real apology means taking responsibility, not twisting things to sound like it’s your fault for being upset. If a man messes up, he should be able to own it without dodging, deflecting, or getting defensive. You shouldn’t have to walk him through how to say sorry or convince him that your hurt is valid. If he truly respects you, the instinct to repair things should come naturally, not just after you explain it for the third time.
2. That your time is just as important as his
Being late, cancelling last minute, or making you feel like you’re always waiting around sends a clear message, even if he doesn’t say it out loud. If a man constantly treats his time like it matters more, that’s a sign of entitlement, not absentmindedness. He should already understand that your life isn’t built around him. Respecting your schedule, showing up when he says he will, and not acting like you’re on standby? Basic stuff. Not a bonus.
3. That chores are not “helping you out”
If you live together, clean together. If you’re both eating, then you’re both responsible for sorting the food. No woman should still be stuck explaining that domestic tasks are shared life duties, not optional favours. When a man says he’s “helping,” it suggests the default responsibility is yours. That mindset isn’t just outdated, it’s lazy. Equality at home shouldn’t require constant negotiation or praise.
4. How to communicate without shutting down or blowing up
No one expects perfect emotional fluency, but if every disagreement turns into a cold shoulder, a tantrum, or a disappearing act, that’s not just bad communication; it’s avoidance dressed as “not wanting to fight.” You shouldn’t be stuck doing all the emotional heavy lifting just because he never learned to sit with discomfort. Adults should be able to have hard conversations without treating them like personal attacks.
5. That respect doesn’t disappear when you’re angry
It’s easy to be nice when things are calm. The real test is how someone treats you when they’re irritated, frustrated, or not getting their way. If he raises his voice, throws insults, or goes straight for the low blows, he’s showing you exactly who he is. You shouldn’t have to teach him that being angry isn’t a pass to be cruel. Respect isn’t something that gets put on pause until he cools down. If it drops the second there’s tension, it wasn’t real respect to begin with.
6. That your body isn’t public property
Whether you’re walking down the street or standing in your own kitchen, you don’t exist for his commentary or touch. Just because he’s your partner doesn’t mean he’s entitled to your body whenever he feels like it. Affection and intimacy should be mutual, not expected, demanded, or assumed. If a man still needs that spelled out for him, he’s not mature enough for any kind of healthy relationship.
7. That “I’m not in the mood” is a full sentence
You shouldn’t have to explain or justify why you don’t feel like being physical. “I’m tired,” “I’m stressed,” or even just “not now” should be enough. The second you start feeling pressured, guilted, or made to feel like you’re withholding, it stops being about connection and becomes about control. A man who genuinely cares about your comfort won’t take a no personally. He’ll hear it, respect it, and move on, without the sulking, pouting, or passive-aggressive digs.
8. How to talk about feelings like an adult
It’s not your job to drag emotional honesty out of someone like pulling teeth. If he wants closeness, vulnerability has to be part of the package. That means naming feelings, not just brushing them off with “I’m fine” or changing the subject. Being emotionally open isn’t “too much”; it’s how real connection works. If he thinks talking about what he’s feeling makes him weak, he’s choosing pride over intimacy. And that’s not your burden to fix.
9. That parenting is a partnership
If you have kids, or plan to, it shouldn’t feel like you’re the project manager, and he’s just there for the fun bits. Changing nappies, waking up in the night, managing school runs—none of this is optional. None of it is “helping.” Too many women carry the mental load by default because they’re told men just aren’t “as good” at certain things. Sorry, but that’s not nature, it’s learned behaviour. And if he can learn fantasy football stats, he can learn where the Calpol is kept.
10. That “being nice” doesn’t mean you owe him anything
Some men still treat basic decency like it’s transactional. Hold a conversation? That must mean you’re into them. Accept a drink? You’ve led them on. Say no? Suddenly, you’re ungrateful or cold. Being polite or friendly isn’t a green light. It’s just being human. A man who understands boundaries won’t treat kindness as a down payment for access to your time, attention, or body.
11. That you’re not his emotional dumping ground
It’s one thing to support each other in a relationship. It’s another to be his unpaid therapist. If he only comes to you to vent, rage, or process things he refuses to face, that’s not partnership. Instead, it’s emotional dumping. You shouldn’t have to absorb his stress so he can feel better. Healthy relationships involve mutual support, not using you as a sponge for emotions he doesn’t want to manage himself.
12. That weaponised incompetence isn’t cute
When a man pretends not to know how to cook, clean, or book a dentist appointment, it’s not harmless. It’s a tactic, whether conscious or not, to get out of effort while you pick up the slack. “I’m just not good at that” stops being innocent when it becomes a pattern. You’re not his mum, his PA, or his live-in teacher. If he can learn how to game or manage a full-time job, he can figure out how to run a hoover.
13. That being jealous isn’t romantic
Jealousy isn’t a sign that he cares. It’s a sign he doesn’t trust. Constant questions, checking your phone, or getting weird whenever you talk to other people? That’s not love; it’s control hiding behind insecurity. You shouldn’t have to explain that respect includes trust. If he needs to monitor or police you to feel secure, he doesn’t need a girlfriend, he needs therapy.
14. That feminism benefits him too
If he sees feminism as some man-hating agenda, he hasn’t done the bare minimum. Equality helps everyone, men included. It gives them permission to be emotional, reject toxic masculinity, and build real connection. You shouldn’t have to keep explaining that wanting fairness isn’t extreme. If he’s uncomfortable with equality, it’s because he benefits from things staying unequal. And that says more than any debate ever will.
15. That kindness matters more than charisma
Charm is easy. Kindness is consistent. If a man talks smoothly but treats waiters like dirt, that’s a red flag. You shouldn’t have to explain that how he treats people who can’t offer him anything matters. Respect isn’t just for you, it’s for everyone. A man who understands that isn’t performing goodness. He’s living it, even when no one’s watching.
16. That boundaries aren’t personal attacks
When you say, “I need space,” or “I’m not okay with that,” and he immediately flips into guilt or defensiveness? That’s a sign he sees your comfort as a threat to his control. Boundaries aren’t punishments; they’re basic self-respect. If he reacts like you’re being mean or dramatic just for saying what you need, he doesn’t understand how healthy relationships work. And you shouldn’t have to coach him through it like you’re in a workshop.
17. That silence isn’t a punishment, it’s peace
If you enjoy a bit of quiet, and he takes it as a sign something’s wrong, or assumes you’re mad, that’s on him. Not everyone needs to fill the air 24/7. Sometimes you just want to be still, and that should be allowed. You shouldn’t have to reassure him constantly just because you’re not performing emotional availability every minute. A grown man should be able to handle a calm presence without spiralling.
18. That your ambition isn’t a threat
Your goals, drive, and confidence shouldn’t make him feel small. If he treats your success like competition, or tries to downplay your wins, that’s not partnership. That’s ego getting in the way of love. You shouldn’t have to shrink just to keep him comfortable. A supportive partner doesn’t just tolerate your ambition, they cheer it on. If he’s intimidated, that’s something he needs to work on, not something you need to dim.
19. That humour isn’t a free pass to disrespect you
“It was just a joke” isn’t a defence if you felt hurt, belittled, or embarrassed. If he constantly crosses lines and hides behind humour, that’s not wit. Really, it’s cruelty wrapped in convenience. You shouldn’t have to keep explaining where your limits are or that you’re not too sensitive. A grown man should know how to be funny without being cruel, and if he can’t, maybe he’s not as clever as he thinks.
20. That love isn’t proven by how much you put up with
If he thinks your patience, loyalty, or silence proves your love, he’s misunderstood what love actually is. Enduring bad behaviour isn’t noble, it’s exhausting. And staying just to prove a point isn’t the same as being loved well. You shouldn’t have to teach him that being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re required to tolerate nonsense. Love should feel safe, respectful, and mutual, not like a survival test you’re expected to pass.
