Your friends are meant to be there for you through thick and thin, but not all of them will stick around when the chips are down.
If you’re going through a tough time and your “friend” says any of these things to you, it may be time to reassess whether you want this person in your life at all. They’re clearly not offering you the support and encouragement you need, so what’s the point?
1. “I told you so.”
This phrase, especially when you’re already struggling, can feel like a slap in the face. A good friend should offer support and understanding, not criticism or gloating. Even if they did warn you about something, rubbing it in when you’re down shows a lack of empathy and compassion.
2. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Minimising your feelings or experiences can be incredibly hurtful. What might seem insignificant to one person could be overwhelming to another. A supportive friend should validate your emotions rather than dismissing them, even if they don’t fully understand your perspective.
3. “You’re being too sensitive.”
This statement invalidates your emotions and places blame on you for feeling a certain way. It’s not up to other people to dictate how you should feel. A true friend should try to understand your emotional state, not criticise it.
4. “At least you don’t have it as bad as…”
Comparing your struggles to other people’s experiences isn’t helpful. Pain and distress are relative, and this kind of statement only serves to make you feel guilty for your own feelings. A good friend should focus on your situation without drawing comparisons.
5. “I don’t have time for this right now.”
While it’s true that everyone has their own lives and commitments, a caring friend should be willing to make time for you during a crisis. Even if they can’t be there physically, showing a willingness to listen or help in some way is important.
6. “You’re always having problems.”
This statement suggests that you’re a burden or that your issues are somehow your fault. It’s both hurtful and unhelpful. True friends understand that life has ups and downs and offer support without keeping score.
7. “Just get over it already.”
Healing and moving on from difficult situations takes time, and everyone processes things differently. Pushing someone to “get over” something before they’re ready shows a lack of patience and understanding.
8. “I’ve got my own problems to deal with.”
While it’s true that everyone has their own challenges, friendship involves mutual support. Consistently deflecting your needs by citing their own issues indicates an imbalance in the relationship.
9. “You brought this on yourself.”
Even if your actions contributed to your current situation, a good friend should offer support rather than blame. This statement lacks empathy and doesn’t help solve the problem at hand.
10. “Why can’t you be more like…”
Comparing you to other people, especially when you’re vulnerable, is incredibly insensitive. It implies that you’re not good enough as you are and can be deeply hurtful. A true friend accepts you for who you are.
11. “I don’t want to take sides.”
While neutrality can be important in some situations, there are times when friends should stand up for each other. If you’re clearly being wronged and your friend refuses to support you, it might indicate a lack of loyalty.
12. “You’re making a big mistake.”
While friends should be honest, there’s a time and place for such statements. When you’re already in a difficult situation, harsh criticism without support isn’t helpful. A good friend might express concerns, but should ultimately be supportive of your decisions.
13. “I’m sure things will work out somehow.”
While seemingly positive, this vague statement can come across as dismissive if not backed up with genuine support or practical help. It may indicate that your friend is uncomfortable with your situation and wants to avoid deeper involvement.
14. “Let’s talk about something else.”
Constantly changing the subject when you’re trying to discuss something important can be frustrating. It suggests that your friend is unwilling to engage with your problems or provide emotional support when you need it.
15. “You always make things so complicated.”
This statement blames you for the complexity of your situations or emotions. It’s dismissive and fails to recognise that life can indeed be complicated. A good friend should be willing to navigate these complexities with you, not criticise you for them.
16. “I would never let that happen to me.”
This implies superiority and a lack of empathy. It suggests that your friend believes they’re immune to similar problems, which is both unrealistic and unhelpful. A supportive friend should try to understand your situation, not judge it.
17. “Can’t you just be happy?”
This oversimplifies complex emotions and situations. Happiness isn’t a switch that can be turned on at will. A good friend should understand that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes and offer support through those moments.
18. “I’ve helped you so many times already.”
Keeping score in friendships is unhealthy. While it’s important to have balance, true friends help each other without expecting something in return every time. This statement can make you feel like a burden and hesitant to reach out in the future.
19. “You’re being dramatic.”
Accusing someone of being dramatic invalidates their feelings and experiences. It’s a form of gaslighting that can make you doubt your own judgement and perception. A supportive friend should try to understand your perspective, not dismiss it.
20. “Other people have it worse.”
Sure, maybe they’re trying to provide a bit of perspective, but this often comes across as dismissive. Pain isn’t a competition, and the fact that other people might be suffering more doesn’t invalidate your own struggles. A good friend should focus on your needs in the moment, not compare them to hypothetical situations.
