You might think you’re a dream partner, but is that actually the case? If you relate to the things on this list, instead of making your partner’s life better, you might actually be doing the opposite.
1. You complain more than you compliment.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of nitpicking and focusing on the negatives. Maybe you constantly point out your partner’s flaws, from their messy habits to their fashion choices. But remember, everyone needs to feel appreciated and valued. If your criticisms outweigh your compliments, it can really knock your partner’s self-esteem and create a toxic atmosphere.
2. You brush off their feelings and concerns.
When your partner expresses their worries or anxieties, do you brush them off as trivial or irrational? Do you invalidate their emotions by telling them they’re overreacting or being too sensitive? If so, you’re hurting their feelings and damaging their trust in you. A healthy relationship involves listening to and validating each other’s emotions, even if you don’t always agree with them.
3. You control their decisions and choices.
Do you dictate what your partner wears, who they spend time with, or what career path they should pursue? Do you make all the decisions in the relationship without considering their input or preferences? This kind of controlling behaviour can be suffocating and can strip your partner of their autonomy. A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and the freedom to make choices for oneself.
4. You always compare them to other people.
Maybe you compare your partner’s looks, intelligence, or achievements to other people, either subtly or overtly. This can make them feel inadequate and insecure, and it sends the message that they’re not good enough for you as they are. Everyone is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Focus on appreciating your partner for who they are, not who you want them to be.
5. You never apologise or admit when you’re wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes maturity and humility to own up to them. If you’re always defensive and refuse to apologise, it can create resentment and distance in your relationship. A healthy relationship involves taking responsibility for your actions and being willing to make amends when you’ve hurt your partner.
6. You make them feel like they’re walking on eggshells.
Does your partner constantly worry about saying or doing the wrong thing? Do they hesitate to express their opinions or share their feelings for fear of your reaction? This kind of emotional tension can be exhausting and can lead to resentment. A healthy relationship involves feeling safe and comfortable to be yourself.
7. You isolate them from their friends and family.
Do you discourage your partner from spending time with their loved ones? Do you make them feel guilty for prioritising their relationships outside of your partnership? This kind of isolation can be emotionally damaging and can leave your partner feeling lonely and disconnected. A healthy relationship involves supporting each other’s connections with friends and family.
8. You constantly belittle their dreams and aspirations.
When your partner shares their hopes and dreams, do you mock them or dismiss them as unrealistic? Do you make them feel foolish for pursuing their passions? This kind of negativity can crush their spirit and make them feel like they’re incapable of achieving their goals. A supportive partner encourages and celebrates their loved one’s aspirations, even if they seem far-fetched.
9. You make them feel guilty of their spending habits.
Money can be a sensitive topic in any relationship, but constantly criticising your partner for their spending can create tension and resentment. Whether it’s a daily coffee habit or a splurge on a new gadget, everyone is entitled to treat themselves occasionally. If you’re always making them feel guilty about their spending, it can destroy their trust in you and make them feel like they have to hide their purchases from you.
10. You neglect their needs in favour of your own.
Source: Unsplash Relationships are a two-way street, but sometimes we can become so focused on our own needs and desires that we forget about our partner’s. Do you consistently prioritise your own interests, hobbies, and social life over theirs? Do you neglect their emotional or physical needs because you’re too busy or preoccupied with your own things? This kind of selfishness can leave your partner feeling unloved and unappreciated.
11. You withhold affection or intimacy.
Source: Unsplash Physical and emotional intimacy are essential components of a healthy relationship. If you’re consistently denying your partner affection, whether it’s through withholding physical touch, avoiding emotional conversations, or refusing to engage in activities they enjoy, it can create distance and resentment. Your partner might start to feel unloved, unwanted, and insecure about your connection.
12. You break promises and commitments.
Source: Unsplash When you make a promise to your partner, you’re essentially making a commitment to them. Breaking those promises, whether it’s something small like forgetting to pick up groceries or something major like cancelling a planned holiday, can obliterate trust and create a sense of instability. If you’re not reliable and dependable, your partner might start to question the foundation of your relationship.
13. You use passive-aggressive tactics to communicate.
Source: Unsplash Instead of addressing issues directly, do you resort to sarcasm, sulking, or giving the silent treatment? These passive-aggressive behaviours can be just as hurtful as overt anger or criticism, and they can create a toxic environment of unspoken resentment. If you’re not communicating openly and honestly with your partner, it’s difficult to resolve conflicts and build a healthy relationship.
14. You’re always the victim, even when you’re in the wrong.
Source: Unsplash Playing the victim card can be a manipulative tactic that shifts blame and avoids responsibility. If you’re constantly portraying yourself as the wronged party, even when you’ve made mistakes or hurt your partner, it can create an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. A healthy relationship involves taking ownership of your actions and acknowledging when you’ve caused pain or harm.
15. You try to change them into someone they’re not.
Source: Unsplash It’s natural to have preferences and desires for a partner, but trying to fundamentally change who they are is a recipe for disaster. Do you constantly criticise their personality, interests, or appearance? Do you pressure them to conform to your ideals? This kind of behaviour can make your partner feel unaccepted and unloved for who they truly are.
16. You prioritise your phone or other distractions over them.
In today’s digital age, it’s easy to become consumed by our phones and other distractions. But if you’re constantly checking your social media, responding to emails, or watching videos while your partner is trying to connect with you, it sends the message that they’re not important to you. Putting down your phone and giving your partner your undivided attention is crucial for building intimacy and connection.
17. You don’t respect their boundaries.
Everyone has different boundaries and needs in a relationship. If you’re constantly pushing your partner’s boundaries, whether it’s through invading their privacy, pressuring them to do things they’re not comfortable with, or ignoring their requests for space, it can create resentment and distrust. A healthy relationship involves respecting each other’s boundaries and communicating openly about your needs.
18. You threaten to leave or end the relationship during arguments.
Using threats or ultimatums as a way to control or manipulate your partner is a toxic behaviour that can create insecurity and fear. If your partner constantly feels like they’re walking on eggshells, worried that one wrong move will end the relationship, it can destroy their trust and create a sense of instability. A healthy relationship involves working through conflicts together, not using threats as a weapon.
