Enough time has passed, and you might have even started dating other people, so you’re pretty sure that you’re over your last relationship.
After all, you’re not some kind of saddo who sits around lamenting what used to be and pining for someone who’s clearly moved on (just like you, of course). However, no matter how sure you are that you’re over it and them, if these experiences ring true to you, you’re obviously not. That’s okay, of course — healing takes time! But the sooner you admit that there are still some lingering feelings hanging about, the sooner you can start processing them and truly move past your ex and the relationship you had.
1. Their social media posts still affect your mood.
Your thumb has a PhD in their profile scrolling, and their posts have the power to turn your day upside down faster than a bad hair day. Sure, you claim you’re just “checking to see if they’re doing worse than you,” but let’s be honest – whether they’re thriving or struggling, their updates shouldn’t have the authority to hijack your emotions anymore. When their Instagram story has more impact on your mood than your actual life events, it’s time to admit you’re still in the feelings forest.
2. You’re keeping “just in case” mementos.
That box of “important documents” under your bed contains exactly zero important documents, but somehow still has their old concert ticket stubs and birthday cards. While everyone processes breakups differently, holding onto items like they’re future museum pieces suggests you’re not quite ready to close this chapter. Keeping memories is natural, but treating ordinary objects like precious artefacts might mean you’re saving more than just souvenirs.
3. Comparing everyone to them.
Every new person you meet gets put through the ex-comparison scanner, and somehow no one ever quite measures up. Whether it’s how they laugh, how they take their coffee, or even how they tie their shoes, you’ve turned your ex into some mythical standard-setter. When you find yourself thinking “but my ex would have…” more often than “this person is interesting because…”, you’re still viewing the world through ex-coloured glasses.
4. You strategically mention them in conversations.
You’ve mastered the art of casually dropping their name into unrelated discussions. Whether it’s a story about that amazing pizza place (that happens to be where they first told you they loved you) or that funny thing that happened three years ago (when you were definitely still together), you’re keeping their memory alive in conversations where they don’t belong.
5. You’re still following their family on social media.
You claim you just can’t unfollow their mum because her cookie recipes are incredible, but really, you’re keeping that window into your ex’s life cracked open. Their cousin’s baby photos and their sister’s holiday updates shouldn’t be essential viewing anymore. When you know more about their family’s current lives than your own relatives, it’s time to reconsider those digital connections.
6. You avoid their favourite places (even if they were your favourites, too).
Creating elaborate routes to avoid passing their usual spots isn’t moving on – it’s giving them real estate in your daily decisions. While initially avoiding certain places is normal, if you’re still mapping out your life around where they might be, you’re letting their ghost dictate your geography. Your city shouldn’t feel like a minefield of memories.
7. You keep their contact info “just in case.”
That blocked number you’ve memorised or that contact saved under “DO NOT TEXT” isn’t fooling anyone – especially not yourself. Whether it’s for emergencies or because “they still have your favourite jumper,” keeping their number on standby suggests you’re leaving the door cracked open. Real closure doesn’t need a direct line.
8. Their dating life ruins your day.
Finding out they’re seeing someone new shouldn’t feel like a personal attack on your happiness. If news of their dating life sends you into a spiral of stalking their new person’s social media or questioning every decision you’ve ever made, you might still be more invested than you’d like to admit.
9. You keep tabs on them through mutual friends.
Your casual “So, how is everyone?” to mutual friends isn’t as subtle as you think. If you’re mining conversations for information about their life while pretending not to care, you’re still writing chapters in a story that’s supposed to be finished.
10. You’re still mentally rewriting the relationship.
If you find yourself either villainising them completely or putting them on an impossible pedestal, you’re not seeing the relationship clearly. Real relationships are complex mixtures of good and bad moments. When you’re still editing the story to fit a particular narrative, you’re not really processing what happened.
11. Your playlists are stuck in the past.
If your music library is frozen in time like a relationship museum, complete with all “your songs” and breakup anthems, you might be soundtracking your way through denial. While music is therapeutic, using it as a time machine to visit past feelings isn’t helping you move forward.
12. You sabotage every new connection you make.
Finding dealbreakers in every new person before they have a chance to show you who they are isn’t high standards – it’s protection mode. If you’re collecting reasons why no one measures up before giving them a fair chance, you might be guarding a heart that hasn’t fully healed.
13. Their opinion still matters to you way too much.
When you make decisions based on what they would think or approve of, you’re still giving them a vote in your life choices. Your haircut, career moves, or weekend plans shouldn’t need their hypothetical stamp of approval anymore.
14. The “what if” game is your favourite.
Playing out alternative scenarios and imagining different endings to your relationship story isn’t healthy reflection – it’s keeping yourself stuck in a loop of possibilities that never happened. Real healing comes from accepting what was, not reimagining what could have been.
15. You’re dating their doppelgänger.
If your type has suddenly become “exactly like my ex but slightly different,” you might be trying to recreate what was lost. When you’re looking for their qualities in other people instead of discovering what new connections might offer, you’re still holding onto the old rather than embracing the new.
16. You’re defensive about the breakup.
If you still feel the need to justify the relationship’s end or defend your ex’s behaviour to friends and family, you might not be as over it as you claim. Acceptance doesn’t need a defence strategy.
17. Their achievements still affect you.
Whether you feel vindicated by their setbacks or wounded by their successes, having strong emotional reactions to their life events suggests they still hold power over your feelings. Their journey shouldn’t be the measuring stick for your own happiness anymore.
18. You’re reading this list looking for proof.
If you’re going through these points hoping to prove to yourself that you’re definitely over them because you only do half of these things, well… that might be the biggest sign of all. Sometimes recognising we’re not completely over someone is the first step to actually moving on.
