Not all friendships are meant to last — many of them eventually go downhill, and when that happens, we probably shouldn’t fight it.
After all, people come into our lives for all sorts of reasons, but they’re not always meant to be there forever. Whether you’ve naturally drifted apart or their behaviour has changed drastically to the point that you no longer feel supported or happy being friends with them, there’s no sense forcing it if these things are happening. Let them go!
1. You’re always the one making plans.
Source: Unsplash If you’re constantly the one reaching out and suggesting meetups, it might be time to take a step back. A friendship should be a two-way street, not a one-person show. If they’re never initiating, they might not be as invested as you are. It’s exhausting to always be the one putting in all the effort, and a true friendship requires mutual enthusiasm and effort.
2. The conversation feels like pulling teeth.
Remember when you used to chat for hours? Now it’s all awkward silences and forced small talk. If every conversation feels like hard work, it could be a sign that you’ve grown apart. You shouldn’t have to be desperately searching for topics or resorting to discussing the weather just to fill the silence.
3. You have nothing in common anymore.
People change, and that’s okay. But if you find that you have zero shared interests or experiences to bond over, it might be time to question why you’re still trying to make it work. A friendship needs some common ground to thrive, and without it, you might find yourselves struggling to connect on any meaningful level.
4. You’re always walking on eggshells.
Friendships should be comfortable, not stressful. If you’re constantly worried about saying the wrong thing or offending them, it’s not a healthy dynamic. This kind of tension can be emotionally draining and hold you back from being your authentic self in the relationship.
5. They’re never there when you need them.
A true friend shows up when times are tough. If they’re mysteriously absent whenever you need support, but expect you to be there for them, it’s a red flag. Being part of a one-sided support system can leave you feeling undervalued and taken for granted in the friendship.
6. You feel drained after hanging out.
Spending time with friends should leave you feeling energised, not exhausted. If you’re constantly knackered after meeting up, it might be a sign that the friendship is more draining than fulfilling. You shouldn’t need to recover after spending time with them — that’s not a good sign for any relationship.
7. You’re holding on to nostalgia.
Just because you were best mates in primary school doesn’t mean you have to be friends forever. If you’re clinging to old memories rather than enjoying the present, it might be time to let go. It’s natural for friendships to evolve or end as we grow and change, and sometimes the kindest thing we can do is cherish the memories without forcing a present-day connection.
8. They’re always cancelling plans.
Everyone gets busy, but if they’re constantly bailing on you at the last minute, it’s a pretty clear sign that you’re not a priority in their life. Doing this repeatedly shows a lack of respect for your time, and it can also leave you feeling disappointed and like they just don’t care about you.
9. You don’t trust them.
Trust is the foundation of any good friendship. If you’re always second-guessing their motives or can’t confide in them, what’s the point? You should be able to rely on them to keep your secrets and have your back. If you can’t, they’ve got to go.
10. You’re not yourself around them.
If you feel like you have to put on an act or pretend to be someone you’re not, it’s not a true friendship. Real friends accept you as you are, quirks and all. Constantly hiding parts of yourself or changing your behaviour to please them can be emotionally exhausting, and it’s proof that you’re not genuinely connecting.
11. They’re always asking for favours.
A bit of give and take is normal, but if they only reach out when they need something from you, they’re treating you more like a resource than a friend. Again, this is indicative of a one-sided dynamic that can leave you feeling used and unappreciated, which is not what friendship is about.
12. You’re friends out of obligation.
Whether it’s because you work together or run in the same social circles, staying friends out of duty rather than genuine affection is a recipe for resentment. These kinds of obligatory friendships often feel more like a chore than a choice, and can keep you from investing time in more fulfilling relationships.
13. You’re always competing.
Friendly competition can be fun, but if you’re constantly trying to one-up each other or feel jealous of their successes, it’s not a healthy friendship. Constant rivalry can create tension and keep you from ever genuinely being chuffed for the big things you (or they) accomplish.
14. They’re always negative.
We all have our down days, but if your friend is constantly complaining and bringing you down with them, it might be time to reassess the friendship. So much persistent negativity can be contagious, affecting your own mood and outlook on life. There’s enough bad stuff happening in the world — you don’t need more!
15. You don’t look forward to seeing them.
When you make plans, do you feel excited or do you dread it? If it’s the latter, your subconscious might be telling you something. Friendships should make you excited and happy, not leave you with a sense of obligation or dread.
16. They make you feel bad about yourself.
Friends should lift you up, not tear you down. If you consistently feel worse about yourself after spending time with them, it’s not a friendship worth keeping. A good friend should boost your self-esteem and make you feel valued. If they leave you feeling like you’re not good enough, they don’t deserve to be in your life.
17. You’re holding on to the friendship out of fear.
Sometimes we cling to friendships because we’re afraid of being alone or having a smaller social circle. But quality is always better than quantity when it comes to friendships. Clinging to toxic or unfulfilling friendships out of fear can prevent you from making room for more positive relationships in your life.
18. You’re reading this list and nodding along.
If you’ve related to most of these points about a particular friendship, it might be time to face the music. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that’s okay. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for both of you is to let go. Remember, making space in your life by ending unfulfilling friendships opens up opportunities for new, more meaningful connections.
