It’s sad but true: some people have kids they don’t really want and don’t really care about.
While it’s relatively rare, it does happen — and growing up in a household like this can leave some lasting effects on the kids who never asked to be born in the first place. If you were raised (or, as it turns out, not really raised) by people who didn’t give you the love and care you needed and deserved, here are some struggles you may have as an adult.
1. Trust issues
It’s hard to trust people when the very first ones who were supposed to care for you didn’t. This can make it hard to form close relationships later in life. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, even with people who’ve never let you down.
2. Low self-esteem
When parents don’t show care, kids often internalise the message that they’re not worthy of love. This can lead to a lifelong struggle with self-worth. You might constantly crave excessive validation from other people or never feel quite good enough, no matter what you achieve.
3. Difficulty expressing emotions
If your feelings were ignored or dismissed as a child, you might struggle to express them as an adult. You could find it hard to identify what you’re feeling, or worry that showing emotion makes you vulnerable. This can lead to bottling things up until they explode.
4. Perfectionism
Some people respond to uncaring parents by trying to be perfect, hoping to finally earn love and approval. This can turn into a lifelong pattern of setting impossibly high standards for yourself. You might never feel satisfied with your efforts, always pushing for more.
5. Fear of abandonment
When your parents were emotionally unavailable, you might develop a deep-seated fear of being left behind. This can make you clingy in relationships or prone to pushing people away before they can leave you. It’s a protective mechanism that often backfires.
6. Struggling to set boundaries
If your boundaries weren’t respected as a child, you might struggle to set and maintain them as an adult. You could find yourself always saying yes, even when you want to say no. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed and resentful in relationships.
7. Chronic anxiety
Growing up in an uncaring environment can leave you always waiting for something bad to happen. This constant state of alert can turn into chronic anxiety. You might worry excessively about things beyond your control or always expect the worst.
8. People-pleasing tendencies
When love feels conditional, you might develop a habit of trying to please everyone. This can lead to ignoring your own needs and wants in favour of keeping everyone else happy. It’s exhausting and often leaves you feeling unappreciated and used.
9. Struggles with intimacy
Closeness can feel scary when you didn’t experience it as a child. You might struggle with physical or emotional intimacy in relationships. This can make it hard to form deep, meaningful connections with partners.
10. Self-sabotage
Sometimes, people who grew up with uncaring parents subconsciously sabotage good things in their lives. It might feel safer to ruin things yourself than to risk being hurt or disappointed by people. This can hold you back in relationships, career, and personal growth.
11. Overachieving or underachieving
You might swing between extremes, either pushing yourself relentlessly or giving up before you start. Both can be ways of coping with the fear of not being good enough. This can make it hard to find a healthy balance in work and life.
12. Difficulty asking for help
Source: Unsplash If your needs were ignored as a child, you might struggle to ask for help as an adult. You could feel like you have to do everything on your own, even when you’re overwhelmed. This can lead to burnout and feelings of isolation.
13. Chronic indecisiveness
Source: Unsplash When you didn’t have guidance as a child, making decisions as an adult can feel overwhelming. You might second-guess every choice or struggle to commit to anything. This can hold you back in many areas of life.
14. Attachment issues
Uncaring parents can lead to insecure attachment styles in adulthood. You might be anxious and clingy in relationships, or avoidant and emotionally distant. This can make it hard to form healthy, balanced relationships.
15. Neglecting self-care
If your needs weren’t met as a child, you might struggle to take care of yourself as an adult. You could neglect your physical or emotional health, feeling like you don’t deserve care or attention. This can lead to burnout and health issues over time.
16. Emotional numbness
Sometimes, the pain of an uncaring childhood leads to shutting down emotions altogether. You might feel disconnected from your feelings or struggle to experience joy or sadness. This can make life feel flat and meaningless.
17. Difficulty trusting your own judgment
When your feelings and thoughts weren’t validated as a child, you might doubt your own perceptions as an adult. This can make it hard to trust your instincts or make decisions. You might constantly ask other people for their opinions, even for small choices.
18. Repeating patterns
Without realising it, you might find yourself in relationships or situations that mirror your childhood. This could mean choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable or jobs where you’re undervalued. Breaking these patterns takes conscious effort and often professional help.
